Editor’s Articles – Page 5 – Old Paths Journal

Self-Destructive Progress

Why Churches Are Losing Ground
by: Allen Domelle

A preacher asked me, “Bro. Domelle, how do you see the independent, fundamental Baptist movement?” He asked, “Are we losing ground in America?” My immediate response to this question is always that we are doing fine. I told him there are many young preachers who are not yet recognized, who are doing a great work in their area.

Just a few days later, I had a preacher call me about an issue where a pastor justified compromise by saying that each generation has their own morality standard. This pastor said, what was wrong in the past may not be wrong today, for each generation has to define morality for themselves.

Immediately, Judges 17:6 came to mind as it says, “In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes.” That was exactly what this preacher was doing. He was doing what was right in his own eyes. Another thought I had was that truth is not defined by a person, but by the source of truth, Jesus Christ. John 14:6 says, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Jesus Christ is truth, and truth is unchangeable according to Hebrews 13:8 when it says, “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” If Jesus never changes, then certainly truth never changes.

The very next day after that conversation, I had another person call me for advice on how to handle supporting ministries that wouldn’t adhere to the holiness standards of the Scriptures. This person told me that they were dealing with people who just didn’t want to make holiness an issue. They determined that the end justified the means.

To top that week off, I had breakfast with a preacher friend of mine who had been contacted by some men who wanted him to join their group. They called themselves, The Ecumentalist Fundamental Group. He told me of the men who were involved in this group, and two of the three men I knew fairly well. When I got back to my room, I went to their church websites to see what these men were like. The first man I looked at has a father who has pastored a well-respected independent, fundamental Baptist church in the Midwest. I watched this man start his services out with contemporary “Christian” music, that sounded more like a wannabe Country and Western group than a Christian group. With their drums in the background, and their music on the screen, they stood up and sang their sensual music. Each member of the group was dressed down, and the lady in the group had clothing so tight that it left nothing for the imagination.

I then went to the second pastor whom I’ve casually known for years. I went to his website, and the first picture I saw was this pastor dressed more like a Country and Western singer than a preacher. To be honest with you, Joel Osteen and Rick Warren dress with more class than this preacher. With his emergent church style philosophy well portrayed, I watched a portion of his service that was modeled more after Rick Warren than it was of Jack Hyles or Lee Roberson.

Finally, I went to the third pastor’s website. At first, I was pleasantly surprised that this pastor seemingly was trying to look like an independent Baptist. He was not dressed down in his appearance. Every portrayal of the church on the website seemed to be what you would want. Then, I clicked on the associations tab of his website and noticed that he was affiliated with the Southern Baptists.

Within a few days time, all of this came across my plate. I then recalled the question the pastor asked me, “Bro. Domelle, how do you see the independent, fundamental Baptist movement?” To be honest with you, I try to be an eternal optimist, but I don’t allow my optimism to negate reality. The reality is that the independent, fundamental Baptists are losing ground. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s all over. I still believe there is hope as I travel across this country, but to deny that we are losing ground is to bury my head in the sand. Whenever you bury your head in the sand, you are going to get kicked where you don’t want to be kicked. We are losing ground because we have adapted to a self-destructive philosophy of progress. Let me show you why independent Baptists are self-destructing and are regressing instead of progressing.

1. We are focusing on spreadsheets instead of people.

One of the biggest problems with pastors today is they are studying the growth patterns of their church instead of getting out and doing what God commanded them to do. I have more preachers ask me how to grow their church than I do any other question. God did not send us to grow churches, God sent us to reach the lost. According to 1 Corinthians 3:6, God is in charge of the increase when it says, “I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.”

Our job is described in Matthew 28:19-20 when it says, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” I’m not saying that a pastor shouldn’t keep track of the growth, but we have focused so much on the spreadsheets that we have neglected to win souls and disciple Christians. If we will do our part by winning souls and discipling Christians, then God will take care of the spreadsheets.

2. We have lowered the standard of expectation for young people.

Another reason we are losing ground is because we have lowered our standard of expectations for the youth. It used to be years ago that most preachers had no problem with telling the youth that they wanted the young men to be preachers and the young ladies to be a preacher’s wife. With that philosophy, we had young people leaving home for Bible college to become full-time servants of God. They graduated and went out and started independent Baptist churches worldwide. That is why many of the largest churches in the 70’s and 80’s were independent Baptist churches. We had no problems filling pulpits or full-time positions in churches, because there was a plethora of young people given a higher standard to shoot for with their lives, and they rose to the occasion.

Today, we have preachers who have lowered the standard of their expectations for youth. They now say that you must be “called” to be a preacher or to serve God full-time. Of course, if you ask these same preachers how you will know if you are called of God, they simply say, “You’ll just know.” If you’re going to tell people you need to be called, then you better define it.

How about let’s go to the Scriptures and define the calling of God. Romans 12:1 defines the call of God when it says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Friend, God accepts volunteers as a calling. When a person volunteers to serve God full-time, then that is their calling. If the independent, fundamental Baptists are going to progress, the we had better stop lowering the standard of expectations for our youth.

3. We are producing results with no fruit.

We have focused so much on numbers that we have produced no fruit. The reason we have no fruit is because you must have disciples to produce fruit. If you are going to disciple people, then you are going to have to push holiness and separation from the world. God says in 2 Corinthians 6:17, “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,” You will never have fruit until you separate from the world. The disciples of Christ had to separate themselves from the world to be His disciple. Just because you have numbers does not mean you are successful. We had better stop focusing so much on having weekly numerical results, and we better start focusing on producing fruit that remains.

4. We have focused on inclusion.

Another reason we are losing ground is because we have tried to be so inclusive with man that we have pushed God right out. I’m not saying that we have to be jerks to be a Christian, but I am saying that we must contend for the faith. 2 Thessalonians 3:6 says, “Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.” We have so desperately tried to include everyone that we have watered down who we are. God commands us to withdraw ourselves from those who do not follow the tradition of the Scriptures. We are more concerned with “unity among the brethren,” than we are with the truth of the Scriptures. When truth is not our focus, then we will try to build our Tower of Babels to show we have the power of God upon us. Just because you can include everyone does not mean you have God’s power. We must only allow inclusion when they come the way of the Scriptures. If they don’t want to follow God’s methods, then we should separate from them.

5. We are studying the wrong standard.

I’m afraid one of the biggest reasons we are losing ground is because we have studied church growth guru’s who have never built an independent Baptist Church. It amazes me how many preachers study the church growth methods of Rick Warren and Joel Osteen. They have thrown out the standard of the old-time independent, fundamental Baptist like, J. Frank Norris, Jack Hyles, Lee Roberson and Tom Malone. Jeremiah 5:5 says, “I will get me unto the great men, and will speak unto them; for they have known the way of the Lord,…” Instead of studying men who build evangelical, emergent churches, you need to get yourself unto the great men who built independent Baptist churches without compromise.

6. We are sabotaging our own cause.

Finally, we are sabotaging our own cause by criticizing and fighting. Let me remind you of Jude 1:3 that says, “Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.” If you are going to stand for truth, then you are going to have to fight. We have a generation of preachers who intentionally avoid fighting because they can’t stomach it and they are tired of it.

I’m not saying that we should look for a battle, but we shouldn’t run from the battle. You shouldn’t be afraid to fight for truth when you see it’s under attack. Don’t try to say the battle is over semantics when you know it’s not. Semantics is a word compromisers use to avoid battles.

On the other hand, we are sabotaging our own cause because we are criticizing the proven entities. Don’t fight the “Generals” of the cause. You may not like how they do it, but they are fighting the battle for the next generation. You should not use your criticism to tear down, but you should use criticism to build up. Don’t joy in the discovery of a leader’s weakness. Instead of getting into the internet forums to find the “dirt” on every preacher, you should be on the streets winning the lost to Christ. Don’t destroy those who are fighting for your cause just because you can’t stomach the fight. Instead of destroying them, you need to get tougher skin and learn to contend for the faith yourself.

Let’s be careful about participating in these self-destructive ways. Let’s not lose ground, but let’s gain ground for the next generation. There is a generation that follows us, and it is our responsibility to hand the independent Baptist movement to them in as good or better condition than when it was handed to us.

Allen Domelle is the editor of the Old Paths Journal which is more than just a Christian’s publication. It is an excellent place to learn how today’s headlines will forge tomorrow’s laws and statutes. Keep yourself in tune with what is happening around the world, as well as in your own backyard with our daily updates and devotionals.

When to Separate

by: Allen Domelle

At the writing of this article, I have been an evangelist for close to twenty-four years. I was reared in a preacher’s home, and have had the privilege of being around some men in my generation whom God used in a great way. I’m certainly by no stretch of the imagination a great man of God, but I have been around the block for quite a few years.

The older I get, the more I like to reminisce about the past. I love to go back in my mind and see what those whom I used to listen to are doing today. One day I was going through one of those times when I wanted to reminisce. My thought was to go back and look at my ordination certificate and see where those men were who were on my ordination council. To my surprise, only one man who signed my ordination certificate is even in the ministry. Some have passed away, some fell into sin and others simply changed.

I then began to think of those men who have been my pastor throughout my lifetime. Again, I was in shock. Of course, there are some who are now in Heaven, but I was amazed to think about those who used to preach with the independent Baptists who now no longer want to associate with us.

Then, I started going through my calendars and tried to remember all the men who I’ve preached for throughout the years. I was pleased that many men for whom I’ve preached are still preaching the old-time religion, but I was also amazed at how many men I can no longer preach for because they changed their stance or direction. Many men whom I was close to in years gone by are still friends, but they are distant friends because I have had to separate from them because of their directional change.

One man comes to my mind. This man is Mr. Personality! He is someone who had so much potential. Yet, I remember a time years ago when a friend of mine and myself preached for this preacher. After our meeting, I was sitting in the airport with the friend who preached with me and we discussed about whether we would come back to this church. We both agreed he was going a different direction and that we would not come back and preach for him if he invited us back. Sadly, that was the last time I preached for that man for now he no longer has Sunday school, he is about ready to cancel his Sunday night services and he associates with Southern Baptists.

The question comes, when do we separate from people or institutions? Bible colleges change just as much as preachers. When they change, we must choose to stop following them or associating with them, even if it was the Bible college where we attended. Where is the line that tells when we must choose to separate from an individual or institution?

To answer this question, I must use the Scriptures to search out this all important question. First of all, let me make it clear that there is nothing wrong with separation. Samuel separated from Saul when he disobeyed God. 1 Samuel 15:35 says, “And Samuel came no more to see Saul until the day of his death: nevertheless Samuel mourned for Saul: and the LORD repented that he had made Saul king over Israel.” Does this make Samuel a bad person because he separated from Saul? Certainly not! It was needed so that Samuel would not be influenced in a wrong manner. In 2 Thessalonians 2-3, Paul gives us advice as to when to separate.

WHEN DO I SEPARATE?

1. Separate when doctrine is attacked.

You would think this would be a given, but to most it is not. 2 Thessalonians 3:6 says, “Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.” Notice that this is a command. In other words, God is not giving us a choice about whether to separate from those who attack doctrine, but He commands us to separate from them. When a brother or institution attacks doctrine, they are walking “disorderly.”

The test of what you truly believe is whether your stand for truth will cause you to separate from a friend or an institution you admire when they change doctrine. It’s easy to separate from those with whom you have no ties, but the test of what you believe is when a friend or institution stands against doctrine. You will find that many will say that it is all semantics, and that we all still believe the same. They say this so they can justify a friend or an admired institution’s change in doctrine. Galatians 1:8-9 says, “But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.” There is no choice, God command us to separate from those who have turned from doctrinal truth.

Furthermore, we are admonished in Jude 1:3, “Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.” Contending for the faith is not always going to be easy when those whom you contend against are those with whom you used to be friendly; however, this is the truest test of what you believe. It matters not who it is or what place it is that stands against the doctrines of the Word of God, you are to separate from them.

2. Separate when direction is different.

I want you to notice again that God says in 2 Thessalonians 3:6, “…withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.” It is important that you understand that a tradition is the direction in which a person is heading. 2 Thessalonians 2:15 says, “Therefore, brethren, stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle.” A directional change is normally a change of methods or precepts of living. Notice, there are some traditions that are taught by “our epistle.” God is showing us that when a person stops doing what they used to do, and changed to do things differently, then their direction has changed and we are to withdraw or separate from them.

A person’s direction is very important, for their direction will determine their destination. If you want to end up in the right place, then you better be sure that you are going the right direction. A direction is determined by finding out who someone reads, whose conferences they attend, whose methods they are following, and what music they play. Determining one’s direction is one of the most important things you will learn to determine.

3. Separate when associations are wrong.

When a person starts running with the wrong crowd, then it is time to separate. If we are to withdraw ourselves from a brother who walks “disorderly,” then I would think that God expects us to withdraw ourselves from those who associate with those who walk “disorderly” or whose doctrine is incorrect.

Friend, with whom you choose to associate will highly determine who you will become. When you see a person recommending books of those who believe differently, then you need to separate from that person. When you see a person preaching with those with whom they should not preach, then you need to separate. Just because someone can preach good doesn’t mean you should preach with them or listen to them. Throughout the Scriptures people were influenced by associations. If you are going to stay strong in the faith, then you must be very choosy with your associations. Only choose to associate with those who have the same associations as you do. If you run with a crowd whose associations are weak, then they will eventually influence you. Separation is needed when associations are wrong.

HOW DO I SEPARATE?

It is very important how you separate. Let me make this clear, you don’t have to attack a person just because you are separating from them. Many times you are drawing attention to one who would never get the attention because of your attacks. Let me give you a couple thoughts on how to separate.

1. Separate slowly

Don’t completely cut someone off at the first sign they begin to change. What you perceived as change could simply be a misunderstanding. You would be wise to watch them for two or three years. In that amount of time you will be able to determine whether you should separate.

2. Separate quietly

You don’t have to publicly attack someone just because you are separating from them. I’ve learned that if I publicly attack someone, that I forfeit the right to help them if they ever choose to come back. I am not saying that you shouldn’t fight the battle if it becomes public, but I am saying that a quiet separation may allow you to help them in the future if they choose to come back.

3. Separate prayerfully

Don’t give up on that person or institution because you had to separate. Pray that God would bring them back to where they ought to be. When Samuel separated from Saul, he mourned for him, and I would imagine he prayed for him. Separation does not mean you stop praying for someone, but it means you continue to pray that they would come back to where they should be.

Separation is a necessary part of life. It is not pleasant at all, but if you are going to be who you should be throughout your life, then you are going to have to separate from individuals and institutions at some point. These thoughts will help you when you are faced with whether you should separate.

The Power of Proper Terminology

SATAN’S CHOSEN BATTLEGROUND
by: Allen Domelle

The power of one word can literally change the meaning of what is said. If one word is misunderstood, then that one word can cause irreparable damage. One of the most common examples of the power of a word is when former President Bill Clinton made his defense by saying, “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.”

It seems that every generation changes the terminology of a word. One word that has good meaning in one country can carry a bad meaning in another. It all depends on the regional terminology of a word. What you say can make or break an interview. What you say can make or break a sale. What you say can make or break whether someone accepts Christ as Saviour. You can never underestimate the power of a word.

God makes much of words in the Scriptures. For instance, the phrase, “word of the LORD” is mentioned 258 times in the Scriptures. The phrase, “my word” is mentioned 15 times in the Scriptures. The word “word” is used 699 times in the Scriptures. God says in Proverbs 30:5, “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.” Notice, the power that God places on “every word” in the Scriptures. Jesus emphasized the power of a word in Matthew 4:4 when He says to Satan, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” How we use words is very important to every part of our life.

Satan knows the power of a word. That is why he has chosen to change wording as his battleground. He knows that if he can get us to use a modern terminology over what God wants us to use, then he has changed the paradigm. Once the paradigm is changed, then he starts the negotiating process to get us to compromise.

Let me use two illustrations to show you my point. Satan said to Eve in the garden of Eden, “Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Genesis 3:1) You will notice that Satan questioned God’s Word. By questioning God’s Word, he was able to get Eve to change the wording or terminology of what God said. When she changed God’s wording, then Satan had grounds to have a dialogue on what was right and wrong. If God’s exact wording was used, there would have been no reason for a dialogue.

When Jesus fasted in the desert for forty days and nights, Satan tempted Him by trying to change the meaning of the Scriptures. In each case Jesus corrected the definition of those Scriptures by quoting Scripture in their proper context or terminology. Jesus understood that if the terminology changed, then the dialogue begins.

One of the biggest reasons Christianity is in the mess that it’s in is because we have accepted liberal terminology instead of scriptural terminology. Most of the battles we face in society today would not exist if we stuck to scriptural terminology. Let me show you some examples.

Sexuality would not be a battle if we would stick to God’s terminology. When God created mankind, He made us male and female. I want you to notice God never says that He created heterosexuals or homosexual. God simply made man and woman. God makes it clear that a man is to “leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;” (Mark 10:7) As long as we stick to God’s terminology there is no battle over the definition of marriage or if being a homosexual is an alternative lifestyle. God makes it clear in the Scriptures that any other practice outside the boundaries of marriage between a man and woman is wrong. In fact, God calls those who commit intimate acts with the same sex, sodomites. Four times in the Scriptures God uses the word “sodomites” in describing the sinful lifestyle that we call homosexuality. If we would stick to God’s terminology, there would be no battle today over the definition of marriage. The battle happened because we accepted man’s terminology over God’s terminology, which gives them grounds to ask us to sit at the table to negotiate the true meaning. There is no negotiating on this subject if we stick to God’s terminology of sodomites.

The battle of the Word of God would not exist if we used God’s terminology. No where in the Scriptures do you find God using the word “Bible” to describe the Scriptures. Instead, God used the word “scriptures” 53 times. “Scriptures” carries a more powerful meaning than Bible. 49 times God uses the phrase, “Word of God” to describe His Word. No where in the Scriptures will you see God use the word, “originals” or “Bible.” That is liberal terminology to get us to question whether we actually have God’s Word today. If we use God’s terminology of Scriptures or Word of God to describe His Word, then there would be no battle of the validity of the Word of God.

The battle of abortion would not exist today if we used God’s terminology. God never says a lady is pregnant; instead, God says a lady is “with child.” There is a big difference between being “pregnant” and being “with child.” There is no life in the word “pregnant.” That is why there is a battle over when life starts. That is why proponents of abortion say that abortion is not murder. They can say this because their is no insinuation of life. Yet, if you say a lady is “with child,” then that says there is life. God’s terminology is much stronger and better than man’s terminology.

The battle over purity would not be as great if we used God’s terminology. The world wants to use the phrases, “extra-marital affair, pre-marital sex” or “affair.” Yes, all of these sound bad, but let’s compare them to God’s terminology of “adultery” or “fornication.” God simply calls a person who practices intimacy outside of their marriage an adulterer. That carries more weight to the thought process of the wickedness of this sin. Calling a young person a “fornicator” because they had intimacy outside of marriage will cause many a young person to think twice before committing the wicked act.

Nearly every battle we face in today’s society is because we have accepted the world’s terminology. You may think I’m nitpicking, but God’s Word is always stronger than man’s word. You must always remember that man’s wording will always water down sin and make it sound like it’s not as bad. If you want to stop the dialogue, then use God’s wording. Let me give you a few thoughts to think about.

1. God’s terminology does not change.

One of the great things about using God’s terminology is that you will never have to wonder what God said. Hebrews 13:5 says, “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” What God called something a thousand years ago is still called the same thing today. God doesn’t change terminology just to appease a politically correct society. God doesn’t change terminology because He understands the power in His terminology.

2. God’s terminology carries more conviction than man’s terminology.

The heart of man is evil. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” If man’s heart is evil, then when man changes a definition he is not going to make it stronger, but he is going to make it weaker. God’s terminology will cleanse more lives than man’s terminology. Psalm 119:9 says, “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.” God’s Word changes because it convicts. Conviction will bring a change.

3. You must retrain your mind to use God’s terminology.

One of the hardest things you will do is to change your thinking to use God’s terminology. Since God convicted me about this subject, I have tried hard to use His terminology, but I will tell you it has not been easy. I challenge you for the next month to purposely focus on using God’s terminology. Use God’s terminology of Scriptures when you are talking about His Word. Don’t call people “Gay” or “Homosexual” or any slang term; instead, use Scriptural terminology and call them sodomites. Every time you find terminology in the Scripture that is different than what we use today, I challenge you to use the Scriptural terminology.

4. God’s terminology never antiquates.

Psalm 12:7 says, “Thou shalt keep them, O Lord, thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever.” God’s Word will always be the same for every generation. Not only is God’s terminology the same for every generation, but His terminology is relevant for every generation. What was correct terminology in the past may not be correct terminology today when it comes to man’s terminology; however, God’s terminology is always relevant and properly understood.

5. God’s terminology deters more people from sin.

There is more power in God’s terminology than in man’s. Imagine the difference between a youth saying they had premarital sex and saying they are a fornicator. Certainly God’s terminology would deter a teenager more because of the stain it would bring upon their name. Imagine an adult calling themselves an adulterer instead of saying they had an affair. God’s terminology will deter more people from adultery than modern day terminology. Imagine a doctor telling a lady who wants to abort her pregnancy explaining to her that she is with child and not just pregnant. Being with child carries more of an impact of life and ending it than just using modern day terminology.

Friend, this may seem foreign to most, but until we get back to using Scriptural terminology, we will continue to have to fight unnecessary battles. Don’t just read this and throw it aside, but rather take the admonition and get back to using Scriptural terminology. If we use God’s terminology, it will keep us away from Satan’s bargaining table of compromise; thus, it will keep us away from sin.

When Parents Disappoint

WHEN PARENTS DISAPPOINT
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR PARENTS DID YOU WRONG
by: Allen Domelle

We all have them. We didn’t choose them. They didn’t choose us. They will have us for the rest of their lives. We will have them for the rest of their lives. In fact, God didn’t even give us a chance to trade them in for a better model. Whether good or bad, we are stuck or blessed with each other for the rest of our lives. Yes, I am talking about your parents!

I’m amazed at a society that seems to disdain and attack their parents. I come from a generation where most seemed to revere and honor their parents. If someone said something bad about our parents, that was fighting ground. I come from a generation where you were aware that you just didn’t say bad things about your parents.

Yet, today we have a generation of adult children who, when their parents are gone or of the age that they really don’t feel like fighting, they smear their name or attack how they were reared. We live in a generation who thinks they know more than their parents, even though this generation has not really done anything great. My heart goes out to these parents who have given everything they had to make sure their children had the best, and yet their children are unappreciative and don’t give them the respect they deserve.

On the other hand, I also understand there are times when parents truly disappoint their children. Children have to carry the baggage of their parents crimes or misjudgments. I am not talking about disagreements here, I am talking about children who have to change the bad reputation that their parents gave them.

This article is not about judging whether your parents are right or wrong. The purpose of this article is to help those who for whatever reason feel their parents have disappointed them. This article is for those who feel that their parents have done them wrong. I’m not saying that your parents have done you wrong, I’m simply saying that you feel they’ve done you wrong. What do you do when this happens?

Ephesians 6:1-2 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)” The key word in these verses is the word “honour.” God understood that children would not always agree with their parents. God understood that at times children would feel their parents did them wrong. Yet, in both cases God still expects the children to honor their parents. God didn’t say honor them when you agree with them. He didn’t say honor them only when you feel like they’ve not done you wrong. God says that we are to honor them, period!

So, what does it mean to honor our parents? Honoring your parents means to respect them simply for who they are. In other words, they are your parents, and you should hold them in regard because of that. It doesn’t say you have to like what they have done. It doesn’t say you have to personally like them. It doesn’t say you have to like what they do, but it does say you are to honor them. You are to respect them because they hold the position of parent in your life. Honoring your parents means to give them the dignity their position deserves. In other words, you don’t talk bad about them. You don’t talk about them in a derogatory manner. You don’t address them in the wrong way. You address them as your parents, and not by calling them by their first name. You honor your parents by doing what they’ve reared you to do. You honor your parents by not destroying their name with a wicked lifestyle. Whether or not you agree with your parents, you are to honor them.

The question one would ask is, to what degree do I honor them? The verses above are very interesting in that one verse commands children to obey their parents, and the other verse commands them to honor their parents. Notice, a child is to obey their parents, “in the Lord.” As long as your parents don’t tell you to do something that goes against the Word of God, then you are to obey them. Yet, honoring is something that can be done whether or not they are living a godly life, and whether or not they have treated you right. Honoring is something you do because of their position.

Because parents are human, and because we are human, there are going to be times when we disagree with our parents. Sadly, there may be times when our parents do something that hurts us. When parents do something that hurts you, you will be tempted to get even with them for the wrong you feel they have done to you. Again, let me make this clear, I’m not saying your parents have hurt you, I’m saying you perceive they have hurt you. In these instances, it would be wise to know how to respond when you feel your parents have hurt, wronged or disappointed you. Let me give you seven things to do when you feel your parents have done you wrong.

1. Remember the good they have done.

When parents wrong their children, it is very common for a child to completely forget all the good they did in their life. What your parents did may be severe, but you can always remember the good they did for you. Sometimes a child may have to look at their parent’s life in two separate windows. You may have to divide the good and the bad. But, when you divide them, you need to focus on the good times you had together. Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” This will be a decision you have to make. You will have to decide to look at the good, for human nature will steer you to look at the bad. Choose to remember the good that your parents did for you.

2. Don’t throw out the good that they taught.

We often hear the statement, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” I would like to turn that around and say, “Don’t throw your parent’s teachings out with the bathwater.” Okay, so your parents have done wrong and hurt you, that doesn’t mean the truths they taught you were bad. I have watched many young people completely throw everything out that their parents taught them because their parents hurt them so deeply. I beg you not to do this. Just because your parents may have fallen in sin does not mean all the good they taught you is bad. The scriptural truths they taught you are still true and right. Don’t throw that out simply because your parents have acted like sinful human beings.

3. Remember, your children are watching you.

You’ve heard the statement, “What goes around, comes around.” This is very true. God says in Galatians 6:7, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” The laws of sowing and reaping apply to you. If you mistreat your parents because you feel they wronged you, then you are training your children how to treat you if you ever wrong them. Don’t kid yourself, you are not the perfect parent. You will probably do something with which your child won’t agree and it may disappoint them or hurt them. I know, you don’t plan on it, but you’re human, and as humans we are prone to do things that hurt others. So, when you feel your parents have wronged you, treat them the same way you’ll want your children to treat you when you wrong or disappoint them. Most likely your children won’t agree with everything you do. So, remember that you’re children are watching how you treat your parents when they’ve wronged or hurt you. You are training them how to treat you in the future.

4. You are to still give them honor.

Honoring your parents is not something you do only when you agree with how they’ve treated you. Honestly, the test of how you honor your parents is how you treat them when they’ve wronged or disappointed you. That is the true test of whether you are honoring your parents. It’s easy to honor your parents when everything is well between the both of you, but how do you talk about them, address them and treat them when you disagree? God’s command is to honor them: NO MATTER WHAT!

5. Don’t live your life to get even.

Romans 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” Living your life to get even with your parents is the worst way you can live life. Vengeance belongs to God. Trying to prove to your parents that you know better than they do is not what God wants you to do. Let God take care of how your parents have treated you. Trust me, God knows how to take care of your parents better than you do. A person who lives their life to get even with their parents is a person who lives a miserable life. Life is too short to live it to prove your parents wrong. Move on and leave God’s business to Him.

6. Learn from their weaknesses.

So, let’s say that your parents have truly wronged you or disappointed you. That still does not give you a right to try to destroy them. Instead, you would be wise to learn from their weaknesses and try avoiding the same mistakes yourself. Proverbs 19:25 says, “Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.” One of the great things about living after your parents is that you can learn from their mistakes, or I should say, you should learn from their mistakes. One of the saddest things I have watched is people who despise their parents who end up falling into the same mistakes their parents made. I have watched children who despise that their parents were always gone when they were young, and yet they do the same thing themselves and don’t even realize it. If your whole life is focused on how to get even with your parents, or avoiding anything that your parents taught you, then you are missing one of the greatest assets God has given you; the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Every child should live a better life than their parents because they have their life to study. You don’t try to be better than your parents to prove to them that you are better, but you do better because you are supposed to do better. We often say that the one thing we learn from history is that we don’t learn from history. Don’t let your parent’s mistakes go to waste. Learn from them and don’t make the same mistakes yourself.

7. Don’t let the hurt or disappointment destroy your relationship.

You only have one set of parents. Don’t let hurts and disappointments destroy a unique relationship that you can only have with one set of people; your parents. You can always call someone else your parents, but that doesn’t take away the fact of who your parents truly are. One day you will wish you had a good relationship with your parents, but it will be too late if you let hurt and disappointment destroy it.

Job asked in Job 8:11, “Can the rush grow up without mire? can the flag grow without water?” The “rush” was used as a wick for candles and lamps. As much as they liked to use the rush as a wick to lighten a dark room, the rush cannot grow with the mire and mud. Likewise, every good relationship has to look beyond the mire to find the rush to lighten their life. I challenge you to overlook the mire of hurt and disappointment so you can have a relationship with your parents that will be cherished.

My mother is in Heaven. I look back at my mother’s life and I feel blessed to have had her in my life. Was she perfect? No, she had some weaknesses, but there was a whole lot more good than bad. I’m so glad that I didn’t let little things destroy my relationship with my mother. Though my mother never did anything that would hurt me or disappoint me, there were times when I was still under her roof when I didn’t agree with her. Now that she is in Heaven, I have no regrets of wishing I would have done things differently. You won’t always have your parents. You may not always agree with your parents, you may not agree with their lifestyle, and you may have had to deal with some hurtful and disappointing times, but don’t let those times destroy everything they’ve done. Leave your parents with some dignity and move on. If you try to destroy your parents and what they’ve done, then you are only showing how little of a life you have.

Honoring your parents comes with the promise of long life. I don’t know if God is exactly talking about living long as in a time span, but I do believe He is talking about a quality of life. If you want to have a life filled with joy and happiness, then look beyond the hurts and disappointments you feel your parents may have caused, and honor them by building a good relationship on those things which you do agree upon.

Denominations: The Destruction of the Church

DENOMINATIONS: THE DESTRUCTION OF THE CHURCH
by: Allen Domelle

One of the most dangerous enemies of the local church is religious denominations. Many young Christians don’t understand the dangers of a denomination and think that it would be a good idea for churches to come together for the sake of unity. Though on the surface this sounds good, you must realize that Satan is at the helm of every denominational movement so that he can destroy the local New Testament Baptist church.

The desire for a religious denomination normally starts out with sincerity. It is a group of preachers who believe they can accomplish more together than they can apart. However, one must realize that compromise is always at the heart and soul of every denomination. A denomination is only as strong as its weakest member. Therefore, in order for a denomination to successfully work, people must compromise their beliefs for the sake of the denomination.

Though the New Testament Baptist church was started in the Gospels, we can see the core of denominationalism goes back to the Tower of Babel. Genesis 11:4 shows us the purpose of why the Tower of Babel was built when it says, “And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.” Notice, they were interested in coming together so they could build a name for themselves. It had nothing to do with God, it was all about leaving a legacy for themselves. Their name was more important than truth. Their stature was more important than God’s commandments. The Tower of Babel was symbolically the starting of denominationalism in the Old Testament.

You can see the similarities between the purpose of the Tower of Babel and religious denominations. A denomination becomes the source to which people look for truth. A denomination is more interested in its name than it is with right and wrong. A denomination wants its members to answer to them and not to God. You can see the dangerous similarities between the two.

Sadly, I find there are so-called independent Baptist churches that are more denominational in practice than what they would like to admit. For instance, there are many churches more loyal to a college than they are to the local church. There are many who will defend their alma mater more than they will the Scriptures. Many independent Baptist churches will allow traditions to take precedence over the Word of God. Sadly, if you don’t attend the conference of the “in” college, then you are considered a liberal. All of these are symptoms of denominationalism.

You must always understand that at the core of every denomination is ecumenism. Ecumenism is the movement of promoting unity among Christian churches. It is the desire of Satan that every church locks arm in arm to supposedly influence the world in a greater fashion. Yet, we must understand that it is not the responsibility of the church to worry about their influence, it is the responsibility of the church to obey the Word of God and preach the Gospel. If obeying God’s Word lessens your influence, then so be it. Too many independent Baptist pastors are copying the evil emergent church philosophy for the sake of greater influence. They believe the end justifies the means. They don’t want to rock the boat and seem extreme. They don’t want to come out and say black is black and white is white. Too many Baptist preachers are trying to make gray areas for the sake of getting along with the brethren. In all reality, the dirty little secret is that many independent Baptist churches and pastors are practicing denominationalism even though they say they are against it. Their actions speak louder than their words. While they implement their denominational practices, they are destroying the local New Testament Baptist church. Let me show you some of the reasons why denominations are wrong.

1. Denominations are wrong because they make a man the head of the Baptist church and not God.

Christ is to be the head of every local church. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” You will notice that God wants the church to answer to Him and not to a man. It is interesting that many churches will go get their orders from a college, conference or large church more than they do the Scriptures. God’s Word is the manual for the local New Testament Baptist church.

2. Denominations are wrong because they focus their attention on man and not God.

I have watched the independent Baptist church fall in love with man worship. I know that this will make people upset, but it’s time we get our eyes off man and place them on Christ. 1 Peter 2:21 says, “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:” Notice that the Scriptures command us to follow the steps of Christ, and not the steps of a man of God.

It is interesting that the only time in the Scriptures where we are told follow to man is when Paul addressed the church of Corinth. He says in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.” The church of Corinth was one of the most backslidden and fleshly churches in the Scriptures. This church was squabbling over personalities and who to follow. Finally, Paul told them that if they are going to follow man, then they should only follow a man through the prism of keeping their eyes upon Christ. If the man departs from what Christ commanded, they were to follow Christ. The principle being taught is that only fleshly churches will have to follow a man.

You can say what you want, but the independent Baptist churches of our day are much like the church of Corinth in that they need a personality to follow. This is nothing more than denominationalism. A denomination needs personalities to follow; whereas the Scriptures command us to follow Christ. It is very dangerous to be a person who must always follow a man.

3. Denominations are wrong because the church was built on Christ not on a denominational board.

Matthew 16:18 says, “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Denominations were originally started so they could come together to start more churches. Hold on, why are we starting churches through our associations which are nothing more than a denomination? You may say, “We are not a denomination!” Then mind telling me why you vote to see who is the leader of your association every year. That is nothing more than denominationalism.

The church is to be built on Christ. Every church is to answer to Christ and not to a board. I have watched our missions programs take on denominational philosophies. For some reason we think churches overseas are of lesser importance than churches in the United States. I have watched churches send people to start churches overseas, but those churches must answer to their “mother” church back in the states. We must always realize that every church is to be autonomous and must only answer to Christ.

4. Christ died for the church, not a denomination.

Ephesians 5:25 says, “…even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Notice, Christ gave Himself for the church. Christ didn’t leave Heaven to come start a denomination that would answer to a man or college, but he left Heaven so He could die for the church. We must understand that the only thing Christ sanctions is the New Testament Baptist church.

5. God promised perpetuity to the church, not a denomination.

Matthew 16:18 says, “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” The local church is the only thing God promises that the gates of Hell will not prevail against. God does not promise that the gates of Hell will not prevail against missions boards, conferences, colleges, Christian schools, religious organizations or para-church ministries. The only thing that is promised that Hell has no power over is the local New Testament Baptist church. This means that the only ministries that are promised perpetuity are those ministries that place themselves under the local New Testament Baptist church. Anything else is bound to die.

6. Denominations are wrong because they always destroy the church, they never improve the church.

Denominational philosophies will always weaken a church. The reason is because they look for the approval of man, and man at his best is fallible. When a church looks to get its strength from other churches and not Christ, then the strength of that church is only as strong as the man’s character who leads the church they follow. Churches that are denominational in practice will always be weak on standards and separation. How can they live a separated life if they are joined to an association or a denomination? Even those who are not in a denomination or association, but in practice are denominational, will find that their beliefs and practices will deteriorate.

7. Denominations are wrong because they show a lack faith in God.

Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Notice, it does not say denominational board shall supply all my need. It does not say associations shall supply all my need. It does not say charitable organizations shall supply all my need. It says that God shall supply all your need.

The church is to depend on God to take care of its needs not on a denominational board. This is one of the greatest areas of weakness in our churches. Because many get themselves into such deep debt, they must find a way to pay their bills. Sadly, many have run to a religious denomination to pay their bills instead of Christ. Churches should live by faith just like individuals are to live by faith. When you start putting your trust in man to supply your needs and not God, you then become an idolator.

8. Denominations are wrong because a church is to receive orders from God, and not a denominational board.

Ephesians 5:23 says that Christ is the head of the church. In other words, a local church should not answer to anything or anyone else other than Christ. Christ gives the church its orders through His Word. When churches start taking their orders from a person, college, institution or denominational board, then its instructions are tainted by man’s opinions and philosophies. A church is bound for failure it it looks to a man, college or board to receive their directions.

We must always understand that every church should be independent and should only answer to God. We must be careful about lifting up an institution or personality higher than the New Testament Baptist church. When everyone stays inside the boundaries of the New Testament Baptist church, then you will find that there is safety for all. Be careful about the desire to be yoked up to an association, and instead only receive your strength and direction from God’s Word.

A Burden Doesn’t Constitute a Call

A BURDEN DOESN’T CONSTITUTE A CALL
by: Allen Domelle

Several times in my life I have had the privilege of traveling to the foreign field to preach. In fact, just a few weeks ago I had the privilege of traveling to Mexico City to preach for Missionary Kevin Wynne. His work is an amazing work. I was with him for a Thursday evening service, and there were a few thousand people in attendance. That night there were over thirty people who accepted Christ as Saviour and followed Him in believer’s baptism. The next day I asked Bro. Wynne how many people are in the Mexico City area. He told me there were over 30 million people in the city. I asked him how many independent Baptist churches were in the city. He told me he only knew of 7 or 8 independent Baptist churches in the whole city (That was all that he knew about). It was not hard to get a burden for that city. With all the people in the city who need to be saved, and how responsive they were to the preaching of the Word of God, I could have easily come home and told people I felt called to Mexico, but just because I had a burden didn’t mean that God called me to that city.

One of the most misunderstood things in Christianity is the calling of God on a person’s life. Many times people get the calling of God mixed up with a burden. We have this idea that if a person has a burden for people, then they must be called to that area. That is the furthest thing from the truth, for a burden has nothing to do with the calling of God on one’s life. Look at the Scriptures and see how many times someone had a burden for doing what God called them to do.

When God called Moses, he didn’t have a burden for Israel. In fact, he was trying to get out of the call by using physical weaknesses. Jonah had no burden for Nineveh when God called him. Actually, Jonah ran from God’s calling before God grabbed his attention in the belly of the whale. When God called Gideon, he was afraid and thought He was talking to the wrong person. When God called Saul, he hid from the people because he had no burden to be king of Israel.

None of these men had a burden for what God called them to do. Instead, all of these men tried to talk God out of the call, but God had already called them and God does not go back on His calling. One of the things that disturbs me about this generation in which we live in is the way people back out of the calling of God on their lives. Romans 11:29 says, “For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.” Once God calls a person, it doesn’t matter whether or not they have a burden, they are to obey God’s calling and go.

I have watched men jump in and out of evangelism, the pastorate and being a missionary, and the truth is I wonder if they were even called. There is no doubt in my mind what God has called me to do. When you are called of God, you don’t have a doubt about His calling. God’s calling is a very sure thing that is not based on the emotion of a burden, but on the fact of what God has called you to do. Many people say they are called to do something because they have a burden for something, but when the burden leaves, guess what, they leave. Why?Because hard times will cause a burden to leave; however, hard times will never change the call of God on your life. You must always realize that just because you have a burden to do something or to go somewhere does not mean God called you to do it. You should only do things because God has called you. Let me give you several thoughts about this subject.

1. The call of God is not based on a burden.

Nowhere in the Scriptures do you find that God called someone because of a burden. It’s not hard to get a burden where thousands of people are getting saved. Have you ever noticed that it is not hard to get a burden for a field where there are thousands of people. It’s not hard to get a burden for the Philippines, New York City, Chicago, Mexico, Africa, Los Angeles, Miami, Dallas, Detroit or Philadelphia. When you go to these places you see people everywhere. If you can go to these cities or countries and do not get a burden, then something is very wrong with your Christianity.

On the other hand, why is it that you don’t get a burden for places where people don’t get saved in abundance, or where there is not many people to reach? Why is it that you don’t have a burden for North Dakota, South Dakota, Alaska, Hawaii, Utah, Idaho, Sweden, France, Italy, Holland, Iraq, Iran, or some remote part of the United States? What we call a burden is not a burden, but it’s sympathy for the masses. Let me ask you, if God bases a call upon a burden, then does that mean that God doesn’t want to save the people in the harder areas where you don’t have a burden? Absolutely not! God wants people everywhere to be saved. We must not get the call of God confused with sympathy.

You must alway remember that God’s call comes first, then the burden will follow. A true burden only comes after you obey God’s call. For instance, Jesus had compassion on the multitudes after He obeyed the call and went. Again, Jesus had compassion on Lazarus’ family after He obeyed the call and went. Your burden for people should come because you spend time with them and not because of their physical plight. When you start working among the people, you will find that a true burden from God will be placed in your heart.

2. Hard times won’t change the call of God.

Hard times will come, and if you went because of a burden then you will leave when your burden leaves. Hard times will cause a burden to leave, but they will never change the call of God. On the other hand, if you went because of a call, then when hard times come and take away your burden, you will stay because your call does not change.

There have been so many hard times in my life. If I went into evangelism because of a burden, then I would have quit evangelism. Because I was called to be an evangelist, when the hard times came my call kept me in evangelism. When I faced my mother’s death, I stayed in evangelism. When I’ve faced battles from those who have tried to destroy me, I stayed in evangelism. When meetings cancel and I’m not sure from where the next love offering will come, I’ve stayed in evangelism. I’ve stayed in evangelism through these difficult times because I was called. The difficult times may have temporarily lessened my burden, but they didn’t lessen the call.

The call of God is the one thing that does not change even in hard times. When hard times come, you have one constant in your life and that is your call. If you follow the call of God on your life and not a burden, then you won’t have to worry about the call changing when the burden is gone.

3. If God calls you, then man cannot destroy you.

You must always remember that if man calls you, then man can destroy you. On the other hand, if God is the one Who set you up, all the gates of Hell will never take you down. Years ago a preacher vowed to destroy my ministry. He physically threatened me, and also told me that if it was the last thing he did he would destroy my ministry. Well, I’m still in the ministry because God is the One Who set me up in the ministry. Because I followed God’s call, man could not take me down.

Stop listening to man’s call and get on your knees and find out what God wants you to become. What you need to do more than anything else is find the mind of Christ for your life. Christian, when you find the call of God and follow it, it doesn’t matter what anyone else will try to do to you, God will keep you in your calling.

4. The call of God is never based on convenience.

Stop trying to figure out what would be convenient and do God’s will. You don’t go somewhere because it’s close to home, you go somewhere because it’s God’s will. If you go somewhere because of your family being near, then what are you going to do when God takes them to Heaven? Never base God’s call on convenience. Don’t go to a place because the conditions are easy, but go to a place because God called you. Don’t go and see if you are compatible for a place, but go to a place because God called you.

For most of my ministry I have lived thousands of miles away from family. The reason I have been able to keep on going is because I followed God’s call and not convenience. It hasn’t always been convenient to be away from my wife and daughter, but I’ve chosen to follow the call of God which has kept me going. If you base what you do for God on convenience, then you will soon find that it will be inconvenient to follow God’s call for your life. God never bases His will for your life on how convenient it is for you.

5. If God has called you, then do what God has called you to do and nothing else.

Stop waiting to do God’s calling till you’re older and more mature. Do it now! I’m tired of hearing young people say they will wait until they are older to do what God has called them to do. If God has called you to pastor, then go pastor a church. If God has called you to work a bus route for the rest of your life, then jump in and work a bus route. God knew when He called you what your age and shortcomings were, so go do what God wants you to do. If God has called you to pastor, then don’t be an assistant. Go pastor! If God has called you to be a missionary, then go be a missionary! If God has called you to be an evangelist, then go be an evangelist!

This world is dying for people who will do God’s will immediately. There are many people who have gone to Hell because someone waited until a later date. It’s about time you listen to God’s call and stop waiting for a burden. You will find that those who stay in the ministry did not go into the ministry because of a burden, but they went into the ministry because they were called. You will find that their burden was placed in their heart after they surrendered to God’s call. Let me challenge you today to start following God’s call on your life. Don’t wait for a burden to move you because the Devil will do His best to make sure you never have a burden for the area God called you. Learn to follow the call of God, so when the burden has temporarily left, you will continue doing what God has called you to do.

Avoiding Marital Problems

AVOIDING MARITAL PROBLEMS
SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE
by: Allen Domelle

The greatest relationship one can have other than a relationship with Jesus Christ is a marriage relationship. In your relationship with Jesus Christ, the only problems you will ever encounter will come from your side. However, you cannot avoid marital problems because a marital relationship involves two sinful humans. When you get two sinful human beings involved in a relationship, you are bound to have problems. There are many signs that problems are on the horizon, and if you can identify those signs, then you have a better chance of avoiding marital problems.

The amazing thing about marital problems is that stature means nothing. Marital problems happen to all people of every position. There are many preachers throughout history who could have avoided embarrassment if they would have acknowledged their marital problems. I have observed young couples having marital problems as well as couples who have been married for many years. I have watched young Christians have marital problems as well as church leaders and preachers of great stature. If we are honest with ourselves and our spouse, we all face situations in our marriages that need work. I always say that a good marriage is always a work in progress. Avoiding marital problems takes work, honesty and awareness. Let me show you some signs and give you some helps to avoiding marital problems.

1. Have someone on whom you can “unload.”

Everyone needs someone whom they can talk to when they have marital problems. One of the biggest mistakes I have seen is that people can’t swallow their pride long enough to get help. I have always said, you can either be embarrassed privately now through counseling, or be publicly embarrassed through divorce. Married couples who will never get help because of their “stature” are in a dangerous area. You are never too big to have someone on whom you can unload. There are times when you need to unload on someone and still keep your dignity. James 4:17 says, “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.” You know when you are having problems that you need to get help, so not to get help is nothing less than sin. Be careful about being the loner couple who never gets help. Have someone from whom you can get help when you are having problems.

2. Listen for hints.

Many marital problems could be avoided if you would listen to the hints your spouse drops from time to time. I was talking to an individual years ago who told me their spouse never did anything around the house. They said if others didn’t come and do work at their house that nothing would be done. That was a hint their spouse should have heard. Sadly, they said this to their spouse, but their spouse never listened to the hint and today they are divorced.

A spouse will drop hints that there are problems. Sadly, most people are not listening enough to hear these hints. When you talk to your spouse and they have a stoic face, you have problems. When your spouse starts talking about how alone they feel, then you have problems. Your spouse tells you more than what you realize. If you truly listen to your spouse, you will hear hints about the problems on which you need to work.

3. Don’t get to the point where your spouse feels they can’t talk to you.

Your spouse should always feel that they can talk to you about ANYTHING. One of the most important elements of a successful marriage is communication. When your spouse feels that they can’t talk to you about issues in your marriage, then you have problems. I recall another situation of a person who told me they couldn’t talk to their spouse about their problems. What bothered me was that they could tell me, but they couldn’t tell their spouse.

The father said to the son in Proverbs 23:26, “…give me thine heart…” Giving of ones heart involves communication. When you lose communication in any relationship, you lose the heart. You should never portray to your spouse that you don’t care about what they have to say. Always be interested and willing to work on areas where your spouse feels there is a problem. Don’t ever let your spouse get to the point where they feel they can’t talk to you about a problem.

4. Ask your spouse to be open and honest with you.

2 Corinthians 8:20-21 says, “Avoiding this, that no man should blame us in this abundance which is administered by us: Providing for honest things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men.” Honesty in a marriage is essential to its success. Not only do you need to be honest with your spouse, but you also need to be honest with yourself. A problem in a marriage will never be solved if you are not honest with each other. If all you do is lie about everything being fine when it is not, you are hurting your marriage. If, while talking to your spouse about your marriage, they say you are not doing something, then you need to listen. Often a person will think they are doing what their spouse says they are not, but apparently they are not because their spouse wouldn’t have brought it up if they were doing a good job. When your spouse tells you that you are not doing something even though you feel that you are, then you need to be honest with yourself and realize that you apparently are not doing a good enough job for them to recognize it. Be honest enough with your spouse that if they blame you of something, that you realize you have somehow failed in that area.

5. Make sure your spouse knows that they are more important than anything.

When you encounter marital problems, you need to show your spouse that they are more important than anything else. Many marital problems could be solved if both realize they are more important than status, money or titles. You should fight for your marriage more than holding on to what you have. It is better to lose everything else than to lose your marriage. Song of Solomon 1:6 says, “Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.” The sad statement about the marriage in this verse is that the spouse fought more for other vineyards than his own. Don’t let that be the case with your marriage. If you must lose your status, titles and reputation among the brethren to keep your marriage, then lose them so that you can keep your marriage. When your spouse sees that you are willing to lose everything for them, you will be surprised how far that will take you in solving your marital disputes because that action alone will instill security in your spouse.

6. Family first, ministry second!

Don’t sacrifice your family for success in the ministry. I have grown up in the ministry, and one of the problems I have seen is that many preachers put their ministry ahead of their marriage and family. This is a grave mistake! Always remember that God instituted the home before the church. If your home is not solid, then your ministry will not be solid. You don’t have to sacrifice your marriage and family for God to bless your ministry. Men, your wife should feel that she is more important than your church, Sunday school class, bus route, etc. Ladies, your husband shouldn’t take second-step to the ministry in which you are involved. Your husband should feel that he always comes before your ministry. My wife has always made it a policy not to participate in a ministry that would pull her away from her first ministry, which is myself because I’m her husband. When your spouse starts giving hints that the ministry is more important than them, then you need to listen to this sign and re-arrange some priorities.

7. Get help when you’re having problems.

Don’t ever become too proud to get help for your marriage. When you are having difficulties that cannot be solved, then you need to humble yourself and get help. In Matthew 7, you have the parable of the wise and foolish who each built a house. One built their house upon a rock and the other on sand. The one on sand was the one who knew they had problems, but they refused to get help. They heard the Word of God, but refused to listen to its advice. A marriage that won’t get help when they are having problems is a marriage that is built on sand. It will soon fall! Ignoring problems that keep coming up will only cause the problems to become bigger. Don’t think you can work your problems out by yourself. Get help from someone who can see the problems from an unselfish viewpoint.

8. The key: TIME

Time is the key to any relationship. It really doesn’t matter how much money you spend on your marriage, money is not a substitute for time. It doesn’t matter what your stature is in society, your stature is no substitute for time. The only thing that will make your marriage successful is for you to invest your time in it.

Your spouse needs time with you. When you are home, be home. Don’t bring your work home, instead, leave it at work. When you come home, your spouse needs to know they have all of you. Though you may have to sporadically work at home, it must not be a constant thing. Your spouse will grow to hate your line of work if they don’t have you when you are home. If you don’t give your spouse time, then they will get someone’s time. Don’t fall for the trap that quality is more important than quantity. Quality only happens inside of the quantity. There is no substitute for time.

Marriage is the best relationship one can have with another human being. If you will see the signs of marital problems, then you can avoid the problems those signs bring. Your marriage is a work in progress, so make sure that you work on improving the areas where there is a weakness.

Choosing a Pastor

by: Allen Domelle

As I write this article, there are many strong churches that are without a pastor. It is amazing to me how many churches have recently had a man of God step down and have been thrust into the process of choosing a pastor. This scares me because many churches have never been properly trained on how to look for a pastor. Throughout the years I have helped many churches go through the process of choosing a pastor. The one thing I always caution them with is that they want to find a man of God, the man whom God wants for their church.

I remember Dr. Jack Hyles telling the story about how he was called to be pastor of First Baptist Church in Hammond, Indiana. He was pastoring a thriving church in Dallas, Texas, when he received a phone call from a man who asked him if he would candidate for the First Baptist Church in Hammond. He didn’t want the job and told them he wouldn’t consider it. After contacting Bro. Hyles many times,

they asked him if he would at least pray about it. He promised that he would at least pray about it. Bro. Hyles said that he really didn’t want to go, but he prayed a short prayer and told God he prayed about it. Through a series of events, Bro. Hyles eventually took the pastorate at the First Baptist Church in Hammond, and the rest is history. If this church would have been as careless about finding a pastor as many churches are today, they would have never had Bro. Hyles as their pastor and many would not have been influenced in a mighty way under his ministry.

Let me remind you that God always has a specific man of God for a specific place. You can get any man of God to pastor a church, but you want the specific man of God for your specific place. David was the specific man of God for Israel. Elijah was the man of God Israel needed. Elisha was that man of God to take over after Elijah went to Heaven. God prepared Moses to guide Israel through the wilderness, and He also prepared Joshua to carry them into and through the Promised Land. God will always have a man of God; it is your job to get God’s mind to find that man of God for your place.

One of the most important decisions that a church will ever face is the process of choosing a pastor. The man whom you choose to be your pastor will determine the future of your children and grandchildren. This decision should never be taken lightly. Too often churches rush through this process only to choose someone they later regret. If they would have been more deliberate in the process of choosing a pastor, they would have found that right man.

The desire of every church should be to find a man of God. The choosing of a pastor should not be a beauty contest, but it should be a quest to find the man whom God has prepared to pastor your church. You must be careful about who you even bring in to candidate because you don’t want the church to fall in love with the wrong man. If those who are in charge of finding a man do their work before, then the wrong person will never be brought in to candidate. This doesn’t mean that the first person that is presented to the church is the right man, but if the man is vetted before he is brought in, then you won’t have a man who will change the direction of a church.

The process of choosing a pastor should not be a quick process. I was a member of a church in the past that was too quick in choosing a pastor, and they chose a man who changed the direction of that church. The direction of the previous man of God was biblical, but because they were too quick in the process, they chose a man who didn’t have the same direction that they were taught for years. Let me make this clear, one of the most important things you learn about a man before you bring him in is his direction. His direction will ultimately determine where you will end up spiritually. Whenever you look for a pastor, I believe there are several things you should consider about this man before you even ask him to come candidate.

1. Start the process out with prayer.

I am amazed how this is the most avoided part in the search for a new pastor. Choosing a new pastor should never be approached flippantly. It should be such an intense search that you start it out by getting God involved. I believe that before the pulpit committee ever discusses one man that they should have a prayer meeting for God to guide them. I am not talking about a five minute prayer of guidance, I am talking about the whole purpose of the first meeting should be to pray for God’s wisdom and guidance in the choosing of a pastor. Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:” God will never help you to find the right man if you don’t ask in prayer. Furthermore, James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” You need God’s wisdom to find the right man, and you will only get it through prayer.

Moreover, I think it is wise that the church calls several prayer meetings so that the church can get the mind of God in choosing a pastor. These prayer meetings should be for nothing else other than praying. No one needs to bring refreshments, it is a time of prayer. It is not a preaching service, but a prayer service. The church needs to pray that God would prepare the man’s heart who He wants to pastor their church to accept their invitation. They also need to pray that God will prepare their heart to accept this new pastor.

2. Don’t accept any resumé of a man who called wanting the position.

It is imperative that you understand that anybody calling wanting to be your pastor should immediately be taken off the list for consideration. The man you want will be busy in his own ministry. He won’t be looking for a “step up” in the ministry. If a man is willing to look around for another church while he is pastoring, then you can rest assured that he will look for a “better place” once he has been with you for awhile. God says in Proverbs 25:6-7, “Put not forth thyself in the presence of the king, and stand not in the place of great men: For better it is that it be said unto thee, Come up hither; than that thou shouldest be put lower in the presence of the prince whom thine eyes have seen.” The right man will not be looking to go somewhere else, he will only be looking to do what he is supposed to do in his present place.

3. Get at least three men to consider.

The search for a pastor should not be a beauty contest, but it should be a search for a man of God. However, I believe before you call a man to candidate, it would be wise to consider at least three men. In the business world it is a known fact to get three bids before choosing a bid. Likewise, you need at least three people whom you would consider looking at to be a candidate for your pastor. Let me make this clear, you will only bring in one at a time, but I believe a list of men would be good to talk about.

When you gather a list of three men, after you have researched each man you should put them in the order of which you believe is best. Then you start at the top of the list and ask that man to come and candidate in your church. The church will then vote on that man, and if he doesn’t get enough votes or if he declines the invitation to pastor, then go to the next man on the list.

4. Do you know this man?

Now I know that the pulpit committee won’t know everyone, but they should have some wise men who have been around the fundamental Baptist movement for years who know this man. If nobody knows about this man, then this should bring concern about with whom he has been associated. I believe the pulpit committee should have wise men from the outside who gain nothing from this process to give them names. This will help you to bring in people who are of the same philosophy and direction of your church.

5. Have you seen his work?

It is important that you know what this man has done before you call him to candidate. If this man is currently pastoring, then have a couple of men who the church trusts to go and see the work. If he is not currently pastoring, then ask seasoned men of God about this man. They may know something about this man that you will never find out on your own. Call previous churches where this man has pastored and at least find out why he left. If he is an evangelist, then look at that man and see what he has built. I have a good pastor friend in Texas who was an evangelist for many years before he took the church he now pastors. This church could see that this man was a solid fundamentalist who had built a great ministry. It is imperative that you look at the man’s past work.

6. Do you know what he believes?

DON’T EVER call in a man if you don’t know what he believes. You should never consider a man of God if no one knows where he stands on the main doctrines. Philippians 4:5 says, “Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.” The word “moderation” is talking about one’s beliefs. A man of God who hides what he believes is a man of God who can’t be trusted. If you call in a man who has the wrong beliefs, you risk the church falling in love with him. Then you will have a problem!

7. Have you heard him preach?

In the technology world in which we live, there is no reason that you shouldn’t be able to get some sermons that this man has preached. You should listen to several sermons and not just one. One sermon doesn’t define a man. However, you can find out a lot about the man if you will listen to four or five sermons. Listen to a Sunday morning and Sunday night sermon. If you can, get a Wednesday night sermon as well. Listen to three or four weeks of sermons so you can find out what kind of preacher he is. Is he a topical preacher or a preacher who goes verse by verse and exegetes the Scriptures? My opinion is that a topical preacher is the best preacher. My reason for saying this is because you wouldn’t go to a doctor who goes through his medicine cabinet and picks up the next medication on the shelf. The next medication may hurt you, or it may not help your current problem. A topical preacher is like the doctor who diagnoses the problem, and then give a prescription for the sickness. The topical preacher will weekly give the people what they need for that week. You don’t need a preacher who simply preaches a sermon, you need a preacher who will preach the message from God that the people need that week.

8. Is he a personal soul winner?

This will knock out many men. Proverbs 11:30 says, “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.” Sadly, there are many preachers who rarely lead anyone to Christ. I recently talked to a pastor who asked missionaries how many people they led to Christ in the past year. He told me that there were many preachers who only led ten people to Christ. That is sad! If the preacher won’t be a soul winner, then the church won’t be a soul-winning church. If the preacher isn’t a soul winner, then he won’t have the wisdom necessary to help his church. You want a man to lead the church who has a burden for souls. The degree of a man’s soul winning will determine the degree that he has an outward vision verses an inward vision that is looking more for transfers than he is new converts. Personal soul winning should not be an option. It is a must in choosing a man of God.

9. Does he understand Sunday school philosophy?

Sunday school is the ministry that goes hand-in-hand with the Great Commission. Part of the Great Commission is discipling. Having a good understanding of Sunday school is important if you want your church to grow. Thriving independent Baptist churches are built on soul winning and Sunday school. Soul winning gives you prospects to fill the Sunday schools so that you can train them to send them back out. Sadly, very few men have a good understanding of Sunday school. If they only have a few Sunday school classes in the church where they currently pastor, then I can promise you they don’t understand Sunday school philosophy. If a church averages a couple hundred, but only has a couple adult Sunday school classes, then again they probably don’t have a good understanding of Sunday school philosophy. If you want your church to continue to grow and reach the lost for Christ, then the man you choose needs to have a good understand of how to build the Sunday school.

10. What are his standards?

A man’s standards are important because they will define whether this man practices biblical separation and holiness. The man you choose to be pastor should not believe that standards are only for church, but he should believe that standards are for the home as well. Don’t choose a man who has lower standards than the church currently has. If anything, choose a man whose standards are higher. I would rather a man pull me up to his level than have a man who will pull me down.

11. Who would he have as guest preachers?

Whenever choosing a pastor, it is important to find out who he would invite as guest preachers. This is important because pastors usually choose their friends to be guest speakers. If they would invite men of God who are weak, then that means he is considering a weaker stance. Ask him to give you five names of preachers he would want to invite as a guest preacher in your church. Who he puts on that list will highly define his direction and philosophy of ministry.

12. What colleges would he suggest?

Bible colleges show a man’s direction. I don’t believe that a man only has to have one college that he pushes, but I do believe you need to know where he would counsel your children to go to Bible college. If he promotes a college that is liberal, then you can rest assured that he will eventually take the church in that direction. The colleges a man pushes define his school of thought.

13. Is he a builder?

You don’t want a man who will only maintain the work, but you want a man who will build the work. A man who will maintain lacks in vision and work ethic. A man who has great vision will desire to take the church to new heights. He won’t be satisfied with the present size of the church, but he will want to take the church to new heights by building it.

14. Does he have a good family?

When you choose a man to be your pastor, you are also choosing his family. If he has family problems, then your church will be infested with family problems. One of the requirements of a pastor is that he “…ruleth well his own house,…” (1 Timothy 3:4) This man must not have the idea that the ministry goes before his family. This is detrimental to all! He must be of the philosophy that family comes first before the ministry. I have watched too many men of God who have put the ministry before their family to the detriment of their children and marriage. You want a man of God who is strong on the family, for the strength of the church is the family.

Choosing a pastor will be one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. Don’t take anyone’s word about a man, know these things for yourself. Choosing a man of God will affect your family for generations to come. By the way, these principles will apply when you are moving your family to a church. When you choose the right man of God to lead your church and home, it will lead to God’s blessings. Be very deliberate in your choosing of a man of God to pastor your church.