Category: Ladies Only

by: Bette Owens

Psalms 144:12. “That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters maybe as corner stones polished after the similitude of a palace:”

Training a child to sit in church can be such a big deal that some parents would rather stay home from church than to have to deal with it. Really, training a child to sit in church is not that hard, but it does take work and you must be consistent. Here are some steps to understand and follow that will help you to train your child to sit in church. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

1. Training your child to sit in church is no different than training your children in any other area of life.
2. Child training is to be done in the home. If you haven’t trained your child to respond to you at home, then they will not obey you at church. Have you trained your child to stop when you say, “Stop”? Does your child come to you when you call him or her the first time? How about, “sit still”, “be quiet”, “pick up your toys” and “go to bed”? These are just a few examples; the list could go on and on. Obedience starts at home. Child training is not the responsibility of the day care. It is not the job of the Sunday school, nursery or jr. church to train or even prepare your child to sit in church.
3. Since the home is the training ground, practice church at home. Make your child sit on a chair with hands folded for a few minutes each day. Gradually increase the sit time with a Bible opened and maybe listening to a preaching CD. Better yet, as a family, read the Bible together, no playing, no squirming around, and always make sure they use the bathroom first. Be consistent in your child training. Work at this several times a day if necessary.
4. There must be consequences for not obeying. Occasionally, rewards are okay for progress made.
5. Train your child in every area, not just for sitting in church. If the child hasn’t mastered simple tasks at home such as obeying, don’t expect them to obey or listen when you’re in front of others. Why should they listen in public if they don’t have to obey at home? Just because they embarrass you when you’re at church is not the reason for them to obey you. If you can’t control them at home, don’t expect to control them at church.
6. Don’t be embarrassed when your child tries you in public, but be consistent. If they know in public they don’t have to obey, they won’t. If you have to leave a church service to discipline, do it. The number of times you have to do this will be minimal if you train properly at home. Parent, what is more embarrassing to you, a child acting out in church or the parent that won’t obey God and take care of the situation?
7. Don’t allow your child to play in church. Don’t let them play with the song books, offering envelopes or with their shoes. Church time is for church, not play. Do not bring toys, crayons, paper or video games for your child to play with. Remember, “train up a child in the way he should go”. If they need something in their hands, make them fold them on their lap.
8. Sit closer to the front of the church, not in the back. If you have to leave the service, always come back in. It is more distracting to a service for a child to continue to misbehave than if the parent just takes the child out and handles the situation properly.
9. Don’t let the devil convince you with such thoughts as, “I will disturb the service” or “I will just stay at home, it is easier.” These and many other excuses are all lies. These excuses will hurt or possibly destroy you, your child and your entire family. Another excuse parents use is, “Church is boring for my child.” Church is not boring. The reason people think that is because they aren’t disciplined or trained to pay attention. Train your child to sit still, stay awake and pay attention.
10. Don’t be influenced by the world’s ideas on child training. The world’s ideas will destroy your family. Forget the world’s ideas concerning age and attention span, get back to following the Bible. How old should a child be to obey? “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, He will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Bette Owens
Pastor’s Wife
Westside Baptist Church
Pacifica, CA

THE PITY PARTY SYNDROME
by: Sandy Domelle

Have you ever known someone who every time you talked to them they have the worst life ever? Maybe you know a few someones like that. There are times when you talk to people that all they can do is focus on the bad in their life. For some reason, no matter how much you point out the positive in their life, they fail to see the good and can only dwell on the bad. Their pity party is the way they choose to console themselves, and yet they don’t realize how much it pushes people away.

How about you? Do you live in a pity party world? It’s always easy to point the finger at someone else and talk about how messed up they are, but so often the best place to look first is at yourself. For some reason, Christians seem to have the thought that we are supposed to live in a world where we rarely ever have problems. We acquired the thought that we are the exception to what should go wrong in life. If you look at life through the glasses of reality, most people don’t live on the mountain top for 360 days of the year and have 5 tough days sprinkled in. Truthfully, the Christian life is lots of ups and downs. It’s all how we look at things and how we choose to handle them that makes our life what it is. I must choose to daily focus on the positive because by nature, I tend to find the bad side of things. I believe if you were honest with yourself, you could say the same thing.

If we live in the pity party syndrome, we affect those around us and we train our children and others to live in a pity party syndrome. You have to come to grips that the whole world doesn’t have you on a dart board and are intentionally throwing every bad thing at you. I know there are times when we feel that we have more on us than we can bear, but we are assured in God’s Word that He won’t give us more than we can bear. I also know that many people don’t believe Suzy Sunshine should exist. She’s always so happy-go-lucky. I’ve learned that in all areas of life there is balance. The more balanced I try to make myself the easier life becomes.

Having a pity party and focusing on no one other than yourself robs you of your joy. When you look at Jonah, he was the perfect example of someone wrapped up in self-pity. When God first told him to go to the people of Nineveh, he “…rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. (Jonah 1:3) When God finally got his attention, he reluctantly obeyed only because he didn’t want to face God’s judgment. After preaching and seeing a whole city get right with God, the next thing you see is Jonah sitting under a juniper tree having a pity party. All he could do was feel sorry for himself because the people repented of their sins and the juniper tree under which he sat died. What a sad commentary to a man of God who had the pity party syndrome.

Let me show you several things you can do to help you avoid having the pity party syndrome.

1. Take your eyes off yourself.

One of the primary reasons we have a pity party is because we are looking at ourselves. Jonah wasn’t looking at the needs of others, but he was looking at himself. He wanted everything to fit in his little make believe world that he made up in his mind. Whenever you make everything about you, it is then that you will feel that you are not being treated right. This is why you must keep your eyes on God. When you have your eyes on God, you quickly realize that life does not revolve around you.

2. Realize that someone else has it worse than you.

Someone always has it worse than you. When you start having your little pity party, you can’t see others who are hurting worse than you, people whom you could help. One of the reasons Jesus commands us to lift up our eyes and look on the fields of harvest is because we can’t see what others are going through when our eyes are placed solely upon ourselves. If you will stop having a pity party, you will find that there are plenty of people who have it worse than you, and these people need your help during their struggles. You will never help anyone as long as you are in your pity party.

3. Find the good in every situation.

God says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” In other words, God was teaching that there is something to be thankful for with everything you go through. If life were as bad as your pity party makes you think, then there would be nothing for which you could thank God. Stop your pity party for a moment and lift up your eyes. If you will do this, you will find some good in your life for which you can be thankful.

4. Spend time with those who seem to always be happy.

You are going to be like those with whom you spend time. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” You will eventually become like those with whom you are around. If you want to be a person who is happy, then you would be wise to walk with happy people. You will find that the positive spirit of happy people will begin to rub off on you if you will spend time with them.

5. Spend your time helping others.

One of the best ways to get out of a pity party is to stay busy helping others. Matthew 23:11-12 says, “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.” You will notice that when a servant humbles themselves and serves others, that they are exalted. In other words, not only do others lift them up, but their spirit is also exalted. If you will get so busy serving others, then you won’t have time to feel sorry for yourself. It is only when you stop serving others that you will be “abased” and will start having your own little pity party.

6. Ask God to be with your spirit.

If there was anyone who could have had a pity party, it should have been Philemon. A man took advantage of him and he could have easily stopped helping others and focused on how bad he had it. Instead, Philemon 1:25 says, “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.” The way to avoid that pity party was to ask for God’s grace for His spirit. You should make it your daily prayer to ask God to help your spirit to be right.

Let me encourage you to cancel your pity party. Nobody enjoys being around people who are constantly having their own pity party. Like the song says, “Count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the LORD hath done.” Instead of having a pity party, count your blessings and you will find that your spirit will become a blessing to someone else.

by: Valerie Grande

It is a common thing for the average married person to look at the average single person and think that they are just “existing”; that they are in “limbo” waiting for their “future” to begin; that they truly cannot find or do God’s will for their life until they are married. I struggle with that concept, because to me, though I am single, I believe with all my heart that I am in God’s will and doing His will right now.

While the belief stands that while we are single we are figuratively speaking, stuck in “limbo,” it does not mean that we cannot be living for God, serving Him, and doing His will while waiting. God’s will is different for everyone. There is no one standard form written down of what God’s will is for every individual person. I am different. You are different. Therefore, we each are going to have different parts to play in God’s wonderful plan; however, while I am saying that God’s will is different for every person, let me clarify that some things are not: A close relationship with God, obeying His Word and fulfilling the commandments of His Word.

Just this past month, I had the wonderful opportunity to work at a camp in Arkansas. While there, I was able help in a number of areas ranging from playing the piano to cleaning whatever needed to be cleaned. I was there for four weeks and had an amazing time serving, making new friends, and watching young people from all over surrender their lives to Christ.

Yes, as a single lady, I may be “on stand by,” but that does not mean that I spend my days “standing by.” I’m pretty sure that when a machine or electronic device is put on stand by the power is still on. It doesn’t get turned off. It is simply waiting or “ready to act” when the time comes. An ambulance that is ”on stand by” is going to be fully equipped and prepared for when the emergency call comes.

It’s the same thing in life. Because I’m single doesn’t mean the power has been turned off – that I take a break on life or serving God. Rather, it means that I stay busy, that I make sure I am fully equipped and prepared to move as soon as God decides to start the next chapter of my life. This is not a time to do less, but a wonderful opportunity to do more!

The following are some areas in which I should not be “standing by” even though I am on “stand by.” I have tried to develop them in my own life and I would encourage you – if you have not done so – to do the same.

1. Build your walk with God. Psalm 73:28, “But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.” Use these days to draw closer to God. To know Him better than you ever have before. Maybe pick a few people and study their lives according to the Bible. I recently did a study on the Mary’s in the New Testament, and I cannot tell you what a help and blessing it was to me.
2. Figure out why you believe what you believe. II Timothy 2:15, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” If you haven’t done so, now is the perfect time! We aren’t in high school anymore. Saying, “Well, that’s what my parents taught me…” isn’t going to cut it anymore. Especially now that you are an adult and are now in the habit of making decisions on your own. More than likely you have a list of guidelines that you expect your future mate to abide by. Are you living by those same guidelines? Do you actually believe what you have written down? Do you even know why you believe them and have Scripture to back up your beliefs?
3. Throw yourself into the ministry. I have more availability and flexibility as a single lady than a married woman would have. At this point in my life, I am not being awakened every three hours by a newborn, or trying to keep up with a little toddler running around the house. I do not have to divide my time between caring for my family and working in the ministry. I can be gone most of the day and not have to worry about the things a married woman would. It is because of this availability and flexibility that I am able help in the areas that I do here at my church. Please don’t look at this time in a negative or pessimistic light. It is a wonderful opportunity! Hey, maybe this is your chance to teach that Sunday school class you’ve always wanted to teach. Maybe this is your opportunity to go on a mission’s trip or work at a camp somewhere. The possibilities are endless! You just have to be willing to see them!
4. Enjoy life. Proverbs 27:1, “Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.” Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” Enjoy each day for what it is – a gift from God. Laugh. Make memories. Make each day special so that you can look back on your single days with fond memories. It can be a wonderful time if you let it.
5. Create memories with your family. I have been given the privilege of having extra time with my family. Not a day goes by that I do not thank God for the family He has given me. I pray I never take them or the valuable time we have together for granted. I will cherish each moment I have with them for as long as God gives them to me. I would encourage you to do the same.
6. Remember someone is watching you. Many times as a single person, we forget that our decisions do affect people. We become complacent thinking that because we are not married and do not have a family of our own, that no one will be affected by the decisions we make. That is not at all true. There is always someone else watching. It may be a younger sibling, it could be a young person in your church or it could be a co-worker. Whatever the case may be, that person is watching you, seeing how you are handling your situation.
7. Remember that the decisions we make now – in our single years – could come back to either haunt or help us in our married life. This thought scares me to death! I would hate for my future family to suffer due to a bad decision I make now. Choose wisely!

Nothing happens by chance. Job 15:23 says, “But he knoweth the way that I take…” God knows what He’s doing. Because I know that He knows, I’ve decided to jump right in, 110% of me, wherever I can, and be as involved as I can while God allows it.

Don’t throw away these days! Don’t “stand by” and let this one-time opportunity to be a blessing slip past you. I want to be able to look back at my single years and not think, “I wish I had!” but “I’m glad I did!” I want to be glad that even though I was “on stand by” I wasn’t “standing by.”

Valerie Grande
Pastor’s Daughter

by: Karie Owens

“We got one!” “Honey, we got a package in the mail from…” My husband barely finished his sentence as I ran down the hallway of our home in Africa and intercepted the medium size box from his hands. “Shhh…, don’t tell the kids yet, I want to open this one!” It might have been selfish of me to keep a care package that just arrived from a ladies missions group from the states from my six young children, but I couldn’t help myself! I mischievously pulled my husband and the box into our room, shut and locked the door. Taking my husband’s keys, I sliced through the clear tape and began to empty the contents of the box into my lap. “Brownies,” I could just taste the smooth chocolate from the mere smell of the box! “Stickers for the kids, just perfect for their homeschool papers,” I thought. “Let me see,” laughed my husband as he skillfully reached for the box of goodies out of my clenched hands. “Well look here, a discipleship book, Scripture cards, and Kool-Aid packets!” My husband’s words were echoed by loud voices chirping outside the bedroom door. “Brownies, Kool-Aid, I want some,” shouted our children. As I saw tiny fingers reaching into my room from the bottom of the doorway, I knew it was time to let them in and “share” the rest of the box of goodies with them. I opened the door and all six of our excited children ran and sat on our bed to see what other treasures were inside. As my husband dispersed the rest of the surprises, my eyes were drawn to a card. The card had a collage of signatures of people I did not personally know, but it was as if each signature was a pledge of love, a promise of prayer, and loving push to press on serving our Saviour. With one last glance, my eyes were drawn to the bottom of the card where these verses were written:

“But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:57-58

Someone had taken the time to allow our family to know we were not forgotten as we served as missionaries in Cameroon, Africa. This verse reminded me that there is not one thing that we do for the Lord that is in vain. No matter how small, no matter how “unseen” or “futile” our efforts may seem to us, God sees it all. Recently, when I was asked to speak to the ladies of the Hearts for Missions group at my home church, God laid this verse on my heart. Being on the receiving end as a missionary wife on a foreign field, God wanted me to articulate that their prayers and efforts were not in vain. As they collected items for each missionary box, as they signed each card, typed each email, as they uttered each prayer…they were abounding in the work of the Lord for their missionaries.

A second thought came to me…what if I could send a care package from the heart of a missionary to those who pray for them? What if I could bring a little part of the mission field back to those ladies to whom I was speaking? So, here are a few thoughts wrapped in love and experience from the mission field to you. May each portion equip you more thoroughly in how to pray and bless another missionary family.

1. Missionary families need very specific prayers! 

Sometimes, I don’t pray like I should until I experience something, then I know how to pray for it! I want to be transparent so that you can truly understand the type of prayers missionaries need. Missionaries arrive on the field, win souls, baptize, disciple, plant churches and train nationals. That is what missionaries go to the field to do. Behind all the wonderful ministry opportunities and blessings is a regular family like the family you have. Missionary families are not superheroes. They are just ordinary people resting completely in God’s power to do something supernatural through them. You can pray specifically for your missionaries in the following areas:

• Home and Health. Pray for the missionary wife as she may have extra responsibilities in educating the children, cooking and cleaning without modern conveniences, electricity, water or food they are used to. Pray that the atmosphere in the home remains fun and positive. Boxes and cards help with this because they take the focus off setbacks and discouragements. Pray that the family would remain in good physical health and get the required physical and mental rest they need to serve God effectively.

• Safety and Fear. Pray for the missionary family’s safety as some serve in areas where kidnappings, illnesses, armed robbery, political unrest, car accidents due to reckless driving and imprisonment for holding church services are ordinary. Pray for God’s protection and peace as fear does not come from God, but from the Devil. (For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7) Missionaries also struggle with the fear of being inadequate or not meeting up to man’s expectations for their ministry. Many missionary wives struggle with feeling that they are inadequate to care for the needs of their family on the foreign field. As the Bible says in Proverbs 29:25, The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.

• Personal Spiritual Growth and Spiritual Walk. With the many extra demands and spiritual warfare that living on the mission field brings, it is even more important that the missionary makes walking with God through Bible reading and prayer a priority. Pray that the missionary grows spiritually and is replenished by God’s Word as he or she are “used up” to serve those they are sent to reach. Pray that God would increase the missionary’s faith. God’s ability to supply all their needs is abundant. “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

• Marriage relationship. Pray for the missionary’s marriage relationship that it would remain sweet and pure. My husband and I served in a province where we were the only missionaries of like faith. We did not have another couple to leave the kids with for a date. We had to make an extra effort in getting a “popcorn date” in or something of the like after the kids went to bed. We loved getting candles, lotions, or our favorite cologne and perfume in boxes because they were scarce and we enjoyed them. Satan will try extra hard to drive a wedge between a husband and wife on the mission field to make their ministry less effective for the cause of Christ. We must pray that the Devil would flee and that God’s love would bind them together.

• Godly wisdom and priorities. Missionaries are constantly faced with the enormous spiritual and physical needs of those they are reaching who may feel overwhelmed. Most missionaries have such a heart for the lost that they simply want to do everything and help everybody at once. Only God can give wisdom and prioritize what needs done and when. Please pray that the missionary would seek God’s wisdom in all that they do. Maybe place this Scripture in a card: “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him,” James 1:5

• Complete yielding to the Holy Spirit. Pray that the missionary would be completely yielded to the Holy Spirit of God and His leading in their home and ministry. The missionary family is not serving alone; they have God right there with them. Pray that they will be sensitive to His leading.

• Protection from evil. Many missionaries experience demonic oppression especially where witchcraft is heavily practiced. This is not to frighten the reader, but to simply make it known that where God’s work is being accomplished people are getting saved and strongholds are being broken down by God’ power, the Devil wants to stop it! The oppression may be in the form of confusion or a spiritual heaviness. In Cameroon our family made it a practice to pray over each room at night and play Scripture and good godly music at all times; both at night and during the day. We would love it when someone would send us godly, wholesome music CDs as this was scarce on the mission field where we served. Please pray for the missionary as they are constantly under intense spiritual warfare.

2. The nationals of the country where the missionary family has gone to reach need specific prayers!

Pray for God’s wisdom as missionaries win souls and disciple nationals. Missionaries are always evaluating culture dynamics with biblical principle. Missionaries must teach a “Christ Culture” in any culture. This takes God’s wisdom and patience. We must constantly be reminded that behind every sin is a person God loves bound by that sin. Pray for the missionaries as they deal with sins of the culture that are unscriptural such as polygamy, prostitution, idolatry, false religions, witchcraft, wrath, strife, murder, drunkenness and the absence of regard for human life…just to name a few. All of these lead to broken lives and bondage. Pray for Christ to change a nation by working in the hearts of the individual first for salvation. Then, pray that Christ would work on the hearts of the people through the Holy Spirit and God’s Word to bring about changed lives for generations. “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;” 2 Corinthians 10:4

3. Missionary families need spiritual encouragement! 

I was always blessed when I received a letter or email that said someone was praying for a specific need I had or a struggle I was facing at the time. Sometimes missionaries can’t put all of their prayer requests in a prayer letter or even mention them due to the very nature of the need. Because missionaries live by faith and depend on financial and prayer support of others, they may fear that their prayer requests may sound too critical, negative or just plain unimportant to mention. However, I always thought it was amazing how God laid my unspoken prayer request on the heart of another believer halfway around the world. I would get emails of people praying for me and they would mention that need specifically. That increased my faith. Also, spiritual encouragement would come in the form of letters, small gifts, godly sermons, music and devotionals. Each prayer said, letter, email and gift you send to a missionary family is noticed and appreciated and reaps fruit for eternity.

When I was deathly ill and about to board a life-flight out of Cameroon, I laid in the African hospital looking at my husband and children. I said good-bye to them…not knowing if it would be the last time I would see them on this side of eternity. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was not having to face death, but was to leave my six children and husband in Cameroon, Africa. It was horrible not being there to take care of them as I lay for weeks in hospitals in Cameroon, France and Pittsburgh. Finally, I was able to see my family again. They had just flown into the Pittsburgh International Airport and came straight to the hospital to see me. As they ran into my hospital room, one of my children hugged me and said, “Mommy, we got this box in the mail. It had all our favorite candy and a toy for each of us. Mommy, we kept it with us the whole time you were sick. How did they know Mommy?”

How did “they” know? “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,” Ephesians 3:20. God knows! God knows when that package will arrive that you are sending to your missionary. God knows when that note of encouragement will reach the ears, eyes and heart of a missionary. God knows how to answer each prayer that you will utter for that dear missionary family and the lost souls they are reaching. He is just waiting for us to ask!

Karie Owens
Wife of Church planter Nathan Owens

by: Sandy Domelle

I was recently asked how to fit in at a new church. That seems like the simplest action for most of us, but this came from a single mom who sincerely wanted to make more friends in a new church. It made me look at it from the opposite side of what she said. How can we be a help and a blessing to those who are new in our churches?

Some of the people who visit our church’s aren’t new Christians, but people who may have come to your church from another church of like faith. No matter how new or not so new to church, everyone loves to meet and make new friends at church. It’s so important that we reach out to others who come. 1 Peter 4:9 says, “Use hospitality one to another without grudging.” Being hospitable is not only a good thing to do, but a command of God. Let me give some simple suggestions that can help you make others feel welcome in your church.

     1. Shake hands with anyone new who sits near you in church.

You can do this before or after church, or you can shake their hand when your church has hand-shaking time in the middle of the service. Too many times we get comfortable in our pew and don’t reach out to others. If your church has hand-shaking time, don’t just stand in your pew and wait for others to come to you; instead, jump out and see how many hands you can shake. Our church has hand-shaking time and I get comfortable shaking the hands of those who sit near me. But, the last couple of months I’ve made it a practice to go to the opposite side of where I sit and shake hands all the way back to my seat. This helps me to get to know people who I don’t usually see where I sit.

     2. Be sure to greet the new comers weekly.

Just having someone who will go out of their way to greet new people makes them feel more welcome. I love my friend, Jennifer Petticoffer, who is our church pianist. Even though she plays the piano during hand-shaking time, she is always sure to make a beeline for the new people before or after church. She doesn’t allow her important job of playing the piano before and after the service to take away from getting to know the visitors and new members.

     3. Invite them to things that are going on in your church.

Sometimes just being asked to be a part of something makes them feel as if they are being accepted. They most likely attend a Sunday school class, but there are many other things that take place at church outside of Sunday school. Maybe you could invite them to a regular soul winning time, or you could invite them to other special meetings such as ladies meetings, missionary meetings, invite their teens to teen activities or to children’s choirs. Sometimes the new people aren’t always aware of the extra things that go on in your church.

     4. Invite a new family in the church over to your home for dinner.

Some people think that Sunday afternoons are best for this because they work during the week. There are others that a week night or even a Saturday night might work better. Having a family over is a great way for you to get to know them and to be a help to them.

     5. Make some baked goodies and drop it by their home or bring it to them at church.

Baking is a cheap way of letting someone know you care, but it’s also something that is done and given from the heart.

     6. Find out their phone number and send a quick text during the week.

Women are social beings. We love to get together or be a part of a group of other ladies. One way of making a new lady in church feel a part of the church is to send her a text and tell her you enjoyed seeing her at church. Send her a text of a Bible verse that was an encouragement to you or even a funny quote or saying. It doesn’t take much to send a text to let someone know you care.

These are just a few ideas of how to help someone feel a part of your church. My list could easily go on, and I’m sure that as you read through these ideas you had others that came to mind. Let’s help the new comers in our churches to fit in.

by: Bette Owens

“Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.” (Psalm 86:11)

Recently I had a lady come to me and unload all her problems. She was very upset and said she wanted help. She just went on and on and said she tried this and that and nothing worked. It was very hard for me to get any words in to help her. As she talked, I thought of so many verses that could help her, but she really wasn’t interested. I tried quoting a few but just got cut off. I thought, “Wow lady, it is so simple. The answers for you are all right here in God’s Word.” She wasn’t willing to stop and listen. She really didn’t want an answer. Through the years I have had pastor’s wives, missionary wives, mothers from all walks of life and even single ladies ask questions on raising children and on marriage. The answers are all in God’s Word, but too often they just don’t want to hear what God says. Maybe they already know the truth and just don’t want to obey it, but this much is obvious, they aren’t teachable.

Many Christians even seem to know the Bible. They have ears, but they hear not. They have all the answers, but just don’t seem to have the heart to obey the truth and a life that backs up their words. They are even faithful to church, but it seems like they never really understand the truth that changes the heart. They have a head knowledge but not a changed heart.

In order to be teachable concerning the things of God, you first need to be in love with the teacher. Do you really love God? Is God and His Word important to you? We need to make sure we love the Lord like we want others to think we do. When we love someone, what they think and say means something to us. In John 21:15, Jesus was talking to Peter and asked him, “…lovest thou me more than these?”

Second, it is really important to make sure that the things of God that we have already learned are not just in our head, but also in our heart. Head knowledge is fine when you’re baking cookies, but does us little good in spiritual areas. Independent Baptist churches are full of people who know the Bible stories and have heard good preaching, but they haven’t put the knowledge in their hearts. It’s all in their heads and sounds good, but goes no further. Having all the right answers and looking like a good Christian doesn’t make the heart right. Jeremiah 24:7 says, “And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am The Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.”

Thirdly, we need to be quiet and listen. Most of the time if we would just be quiet and stop thinking we know it all, we would be better off. We are just half listening because we are trying to come up with something to say concerning what we think. It doesn’t matter what we think or how we feel, what does God’s Word say? We need to just be still and allow the Holy Spirit to work. Just listen. In John 10:27 it says, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:” If we would just close our mouth and listen, God has so much to teach us.

Fourthly, we have to be very careful that we do not allow others to influence us. There are so many outside influences that we allow to change our thinking. We have to be so careful that we only allow God’s Word to change us or control us. It doesn’t matter what friends or relatives think. It doesn’t matter what we have been taught at college or what some man says. All we need to follow is God and His Word. God’s Word is where we need to go to find the truth. If we would just allow God’s Word to influence us as much as we allow what others say and think to influence us, we would begin to be Christians whom God can use and we would see more things done for Him. The Bible says, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” Psalm 1:1

If we would allow God’s Word to get in our hearts, allow the Holy Spirit to teach us, yield to Him, and love the Lord with our whole heart, we would see changed homes, and would be changed wives and mothers. We would even see our churches changed. God has so much He wants to teach us. We just need to love Him, get rid of all the outside influences and don’t forget, be quiet and listen. Let God teach you. The next time someone tries to give you Scripture, will you listen?

Bette Owens
Pastor’s Wife
Westside Baptist Church
Pacifica, CA

by: Sandy Domelle

It’s Christmas time, and I love shopping for the perfect gift for my loved ones. Whether you are looking at Christmas cards or in a craft store, you see many different sayings about the Lord. One that I tend to often see at the craft stores is, “Wise Men Still Seek Him.”

Matthew 2:1-2 says, “Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.” After hearing that Christ was born, the wise men were willing to give of their time and wealth to seek the Saviour. These men were wise because they sought Christ, and people are still wise to seek Him.

The other morning I sat thinking about that saying. Yes, we need to seek Him for salvation, but there’s also so many more reasons to seek Him. We need to seek Him every day in our lives. Seeking Him is what helps to get us through the many circumstances that arise on a daily basis.

If you are unhappy with your job, seek Him! He is the One Who can change things at work or inside of you that make things at work better. Maybe seeking Him about your job will lead you to a different job. God does want to see us happy in life. He doesn’t want life so hard that we feel we can hardly make it through the day.

If your family life isn’t what it should be, seek Him! Do you know that He is truly the One Who brings love to your family. When He lives inside of us and we are concentrated on living for Him, He gives a peace that can help any family if they are living for Him.

How are your relationships with others? If you struggle in relationships around you, seek Him! He’s the One Who can help any relationship you have. He knows what needs changed in that relationship to make it better. Whether it’s your parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, spouse or child, that relationship can be mended and made stronger than ever with His help. Seek Him to mend the relationships in life. Sometimes those relationships are with people who were close friends, people we go to church with or with whom we work. Any relationship that seems to be struggling is worth seeking Him and finding wisdom, guidance and love to change the relationship and make it stronger.

Where are you spiritually? I know many Christians struggle and wish they were stronger in certain areas of their Christian life, but they don’t want to put all the energy it takes to get there. If you seek Him in your personal life, He will give you the strength to fight to make your life more spiritual. That’s why I love preaching. Preaching shouldn’t be something you listen to and say it was a great truth, it should be something you walk away and are motivated with a truth to work on in your life. Sometimes seeking Him is the only thing that keeps your motivation going strong. Don’t give up on your Bible reading, prayer life, soul winning and church duties. Those are things that keep our relationship with the Lord strong.

Do you still seek Him? When we are continually seeking Him our life falls into place. Spiritually we are where we should be, and our relationships, finances, job etc. all seem to work at its best. This doesn’t mean you won’t have hardships. Your hardships won’t seem as hard because when we are seeking strength from God’s Word, He becomes our strength, comfort, guide and love in our lives.

None of us have spiritually arrived. We all have times when we aren’t seeking Him like we should. Let’s go into 2015 still seeking our Saviour.

by: Zana Reichen

A young lady came to me upset over a health problem which caused her loss of energy, frequent pain, and feelings of defeat. In addition, she did not have money to take final exams, and she was to have surgery when she returned to her home state that summer. She wanted to feel better, have money for finals, have money for surgery, was fearful of surgery and wanted to know where money would come from in the fall for school–and wanted all these answers now! I wanted to say, “Whoa! Slow this horse down, woman!” Knowing her health situation, I suspicioned that her particular physical problem was playing a part in her mental and emotional well-being.

Ladies, may I meddle for a moment? If you seem to be emotional frequently and you cannot remember the last time you visited a physician, it is very possible that instead of being a backslidden Christian, (as many women conclude they are due to how they feel) perhaps you have a physical problem that is affecting you emotionally, and could be easily remedied. Would you please consider visiting a physician?

Back to our college girl we’ll call, Jane. I told Jane that the only concern right now is feeling better and getting her school bill paid so she can take final exams. She responded fearfully, “But what about my surgery this summer? And finances to come back in the fall?” to which I answered, “One step at a time.” (Is the voice of Marlene Evans ringing in your ears like it was mine?) Then I encouraged her to look at the facts that must be dealt with right now.

Fact 1: She feels lousy physically.

Fact 2: No money for the school bill.

I suggested that she get plenty of rest, eat and medicate herself according to her doctor. Then, we discussed options regarding fact #2, which she would discuss with her pastor the next day and make a decision with his guidance.

1. FACTS – Dr. Evans has taught me, “Facts are stubborn things.” In other words, facts are unchanging and concrete, no matter how you feel about them. Dr. Evans also says, “I don’t worry about things that I cannot control,” and he says it so matter-of-factly as I look at him thinking to myself, “Well, don’t you worry just a little?” (Proof that I’m female!) Coupled with the thought that I want to have that attitude.

2. FEELINGS – Talking with that young lady reminded me how often our words, actions, and decisions are directed by our feelings. Here’s a familiar example: You have shopped at a place of business for years with good results and one day you have a bad experience, get angry, and decide to “never shop there again!” We’ve all been there haven’t we? Several days later you calm down, have a need, and find yourself driving back to that old faithful store. The fact is that that store has been beneficial to you and your family for many years. Feelings, though important and vital in a lot of areas of our lives, can easily mask the facts and our feelings end up controlling us. Again, ladies, a lot of our emotional moments could be due to physical problems, that if dealt with we could feel better about life! Just when I think I have mastered this feeling/fact thing, I fall into that pit of “Feelings” again and make unwise decisions. It is a constant watch for me.

3. FAITH – The young lady felt overwhelmed and defeated. I told her that it is very normal for her to feel that way when one has a physical illness. I began quoting God’s promises to her—

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” God’s FACT to be taken by FAITH!

Philippians 4:6 – “Be careful (anxious–a “feelings” word!) for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.” God’s FACT to be taken by FAITH!

Like the young lady, most of you have a godly counselor in your life or you have access to one. During those times when our feelings, facts, and faith are misplaced, godly counselors are a safety net. God says about counselors…

Proverbs 11:14, “Where no counsel is the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” – Another fact from God that we must accept by faith and in practicing this truth we will feel better!

During times of feeling overwhelmed, fearful, and insecure, it is very easy for our feelings to kick into gear and to make decisions based on our feelings. I remember one of these times for me when God placed a very dear lady counselor in my path who said, “Zana, you will get through this.” She quoted Scripture and reassuring truths to me over and over until I began to believe her. Receiving godly counsel from a lady of faith gave me the feeling that things would be all right. Ladies, let me point out that feelings do not make us inferior creatures. This is how the Lord made us. Here is my own little observation–Isn’t it interesting that when we apply faith in God and His promises, that we feel better? It’s like the Lord already knows the security we will feel when we trust Him. I remember another time of doubt when I was determined to let God’s Word soothe me, and I made up a melody to Isaiah 26:3a and Philippians 4:6 and kept singing it over and over to myself out loud and had faith that God would calm me, which He did! My faith in God’s Word helped me feel better!

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee. Be careful for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

4. The FUTURE – What will happen anyway–but how we handle the facts and feelings, and apply faith in God will help us arrive at God’s planned destination in our best state possible.

Facts – Truth or data that is concrete and unchanging.

Feelings – Inhabits the physiology of every person, but can sometimes mask the facts and cause us to not have faith in God.

Faith – Trusting that God is in control no matter what the facts are and no matter how we feel.

Future – The end result of facts, feelings, and faith in God all placed in their proper perspectives

Don’t be afraid to counsel with your pastor or another godly lady who is levelheaded during your times of “unlevel-headedness.” Claiming God’s promises of, “I can do all things through Christ,” coupled with godly counseling, “…in a multitude of counselors there is safety;” you can get through this!

Facts, feelings, faith and the future–Four seemingly dreadful words that if perceived and handled properly, can become four of our best friends.

Zana Reichen
Commonwealth Baptist College
Lexington, KY

by: Kristina Clark

It was one of those days! I couldn’t believe it! The babysitter called and canceled not even an hour before my appointment. I come downstairs to find my helpful eight-year-old son had just finished making oatmeal for all of the children. What a mess! Of course, I couldn’t be upset at him. He was trying to help. In the meantime the baby had oatmeal all over her clean clothes, in her hair, on the walls, the table, the floor and the high chair. There was a mess literally everywhere. My son Caleb was sharing his oatmeal with his ferret because “the ferret doesn’t want to eat out of his own bowl.” I got the mess cleaned up, the baby re-bathed, and finally at the last minute find another babysitter. I then rushed the children to the car, began to pull out and found that two of the chickens had escaped from their pen and the dogs were chasing them. We kenneled the dogs, caught the chickens and went on our way. This particular morning I did not want to “Rejoice in the Lord.”

I dropped the children off at the babysitter’s house. I made it to the short, but mandatory appointment. When I returned to pick up the children, they were playing at the park. I decided to stay a while and let them play. While we were there, I met a lady who began talking to me and telling me of her troubles. She was a young college student who just lost her grandfather and was struggling to balance school and family. This was a real challenge for her. Then it all came to me…this is why the Lord brought this crazy day to me. I could identify with this young woman and I wouldn’t be here had my babysitter not canceled. You see, just a month earlier I lost my mother, was struggling with my last semester in school, and I had a very sick baby in the hospital. God needed me to be at that park at that time. Her heart was softened and she readily accepted Christ as her Saviour. You know, I really don’t think she would have been open to me had we both not gone through significant trials in our life. I wish the Lord could have just told me to go to this park at this appointed time, but that is not what He chose. Now, this is really something worth rejoicing over!

Hebrews 12:2 says, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus made it because He knew there was joy at the end. Seeing the Lord do this work brought joy to my soul.

When I think of women who were used in the Bible, I can think of many who were used both positively and negatively. Let’s look at just a few. Eunice and Lois were careful in the training they gave to Timothy. Being used to train our children is being greatly used! Martha was the servant and Mary was the entertainer. They are both different, but necessary. Deborah was strong. In fact she was a leader in the war, but before that she displayed great wisdom as a homemaker giving advice under the palm tree. Miriam’s disloyalty caused her to get leprosy and nearly caused her death. This is certainly a great lesson for all of us. Jochebed was willing to take the back seat and never reveal to Moses that she was his true mother. She shows us that we can be used of God even if nobody ever knows about it. Then you hear a lot about Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Elijah, but very little about their wives. I wonder who helped them to become a success? Does that mean they were not used of God because they were not the focus of the Scriptures? Of course, you have the Titus woman, the Proverbs 31 woman, and the dreaded Proverbs 7 woman. We could go on, but my question for you is: How do you want to be used of God?

You may be a plumber’s wife, doctor’s wife, preacher’s wife, or maybe you are a secretary, school teacher, lawyer or an accountant. Your husband may be in the military. Maybe you are not even married. You could be single, divorced or a widow. God wants to use every one of you. I don’t know you, but God does know you and He is there waiting to give you your next assignment. He longs to see you do great things for Him, even if it’s the simple task of telling somebody about Jesus. You don’t have to be known or seen to be used of God. Are you listening for the voice of the Lord? He is trying to talk to you. Listen!

I took a class while I was in college with Mrs. Marlene Evans. At the end of every class period we would sing, “To Be Used of God.” I loved this class! This was one of her last semesters teaching, if not her last. As I went through the semester I realized the magnitude of having the privilege of taking one of her classes. As we would leave the class each day, I made it a point to be one of the last students out the door. I just wanted to be around her. She was sick and I didn’t want to bombard her with questions. I just wanted to be near her a few moments longer. I loved to hear the girls singing as they went out the door, “To be used of God is my desire.” Honestly, I don’t want any more crazy days like this one! But, if I was used of God that day to show this young woman who Jesus is…It was worth it and I would gladly do it all over again.

From all of this, I think we can learn three lessons…

1. Crazy days happen. Learn to roll with the punches.
2. Listen for the voice of the Lord.
3. Allow the possibility of “Being used of God” to be your greatest desire.

Ladies let’s go be “used of God!”

Kristina Clark
Pastor’s Wife
Northern Lights Baptist Church
Anchorage, AK

by: Sandy Domelle

Training our children to pray is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. God says in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” With that command given to us as parents, I have often thought about the many things I need to train our daughter to be able to do. Many young mothers are quick to train their children to help around the house because it helps momma function better with a little help. Often in the training process you can become so busy training with the basics that you forget to train your children spiritually. There’s many areas our children need trained spiritually because with this training they have a better chance of serving the Lord, staying in church and living a godly life.

One area where we need to be sure we are training our children is in the importance of having a prayer life. When we train our children to run to Jesus with every worry and care, they experience the treasure that God is to us. It’s so important that we start training them early to talk to the Lord about everything they are experiencing in life; the good and the bad.

Let me give you a few ways to help train your children to have a prayer life.

1. Start when they are learning to talk. You ask how can you do that? Just have them repeat short words after you. Just word by word have a prayer. “Jesus, thank you for Daddy, Mommy, etc.” Their prayer will be short, but you are starting them at an early age to know how important it is to talk to the Lord.
2. Always have a prayer list. When our daughter was just learning to talk, I had a few names on a list that we pointed to and would say, “Daddy, Mommy, be a good girl, etc.” That gave her sight and recognition to who or for what she was praying.
3. As your child gets older, have them write down dates that they begin to pray for something and dates when they see answers to prayer. Why is this important? Because it shows them that God does answer prayer, that some answers may not be answered immediately and that it gives them a focus as they pray.
4. Teach them that no request is too small for which to ask. When their dog is sick or hurt, have them pray for it. This teaches them that every prayer, even the small ones, are important.
5. Children learn best by seeing you pray. When they are young, have them pray through their list with you. This might be something you do early in the morning or right before bed.
6. Make answered prayers big! After they have an answer to prayer, show them how to pray and thank God for answering their prayer. Help them by saying, “Jesus, thank you for hearing my prayer and giving us…”
7. Encourage them to keep praying when they aren’t seeing prayers answered. When they want to give up on a prayer, you need to be the encouragement to continue praying. Don’t ever let them give up on a prayer request.

Training your children to have a strong prayer life will strengthen their prayer life for the future.