Category: Ladies Only

by: Sandy Domelle

I have two Bible verses printed out that are posted in my home and in my Bible. Both of these verses are meant to be reminders to me personally to be constantly aware of others.

Proverbs 3:27, “Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.”

Galatians 6:10, “As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”

It’s amazing to me the many ways that the Lord can use me if I allow Him to. When I read both of these verses, I am encouraged to find ways to continually do good and help others. When you read these verses, I want you to remember that “good” doesn’t always mean monetarily.

Good can come in many various forms and you won’t do good on accident. This is something that you intentionally have to plan and think about. It will take character to do good for others. We know this is important because we are commanded to do good by God. This means we need to find every opportunity that we can to do good. We shouldn’t do more good to others than to our own household which is our family or church.

Let me show you some ways that we can do good.

1. Prayer is an easy way to do good.

When you sit in church, receive a phone call, email, or have someone personally ask you to pray for them for a specific need, this is an easy way to do good. I can’t tell you how many times I’m asked to pray for something. I think when we are at a place of desperate need for an answer to our prayers, we will want to ask many to pray for our requests. Some requests are unspoken and we don’t have details to put with the prayer. When I go to the Lord, He knows that specific need. God is willing to hear my prayer or petition on behalf of my friends or loved ones.

2. Take time to think of those who have been good to you.

When you stop and think of each person who has somehow brightened your day, week or month, there’s many names you could add to a list. Maybe it was a person who gave you an encouraging word. Maybe it was someone who sent you a nice note or email. Maybe it was someone who went out of their way to help you. Maybe it was someone who is consistently a wonderful friend. Stop and think of these people and drop them a short note to show them that you care. I absolutely love peanut butter M&M’s. I have a friend who will leave me a bag of them on my seat at church from time to time with a note of appreciation. It’s something that doesn’t cost much but shows me that she cares. What are the little things you can do for the people on your list?

3. Schedule a time to sit down and write out a list of people you want to be sure to do good for that week.

When you have a list you are more apt to follow through.

4. Once you have a scheduled time, make sure it becomes your habit.

Most people are busy, but don’t get so busy with work and doing odd things that you forget to do good for someone. There are a few widows and shut-ins in our church that I go by and see on a regular basis. It has become a habit to stop by because I have scheduled it into my routine.

5. Don’t wait to do good.

Did you know that good intentions are not enough? We have to follow through on those intentions; otherwise, we’ll never achieve all that we should. How many times have you heard someone who lost a loved one say, “I wish I had….” We don’t want to have a life of wishing we had, so we need to make sure we did!

6. Do good by writing notes of kindness.

I don’t know why, but getting people to write notes anymore is like pulling teeth. Now, you have to understand how much I love writing notes. I love writing notes because I’m a card maker. I make my own cards. When I know someone is going through a hard time, lost a loved one, sick, in the hospital or just feels forgotten, those are my favorite times to make a card. When I make a card, I pray for the person for whom I am making the card. I know many of you may not share my hobby, but you can still jot a note. A note doesn’t have to be a page long, it can be a paragraph of a few sentences telling them how much you care or appreciate them. We all know how much we enjoy getting a note of appreciation. It makes my day! Just think of how many people’s day you can make by writing a simple note.

7. Do good by giving them a small gift.

Sometimes we can’t afford to buy something big, but sometimes the person is worthy of a gift to show how much we are appreciate them. There are times when I find things on clearance that are wonderful gifts to hold onto for when I need a quick small gift to give. Giving a gift card for coffee, or somewhere they like to eat, can be special. Find something you think of small and fun to give. Maybe it’s even baked cookies, brownies or a special dessert. There is always a way to find a small gift.

8. Do good by giving anonymous gifts.

Did you know that these are the most fun to give? You may say, “They won’t know I gave it to them.” Yes, that’s the point! It’s fun to keep them guessing. I have a friend who for 2 years in a row put a mum plant on my front porch in the fall. I still don’t know what friend did it, but I get so excited when I come home to a pretty mum with a ribbon around the base and a note sticking out that says, “I just wanted you to know that you were prayed for today! Your anonymous friend.” Believe me, I have asked a ton of people if they put it there. I laugh because I can just imagine that it’s the person I least expect, and they probably are getting a real kick out of me wondering who did it. You know, as excited as I have been to get that mum, in return I have had the same joy of leaving a potted flower anonymously on someone else’s porch. A flower isn’t the only thing you may choose to give, but you probably already thought of something that would be fun to give. Don’t just think it…do it!

9. Do good by helping them in their time of need.

I think of this so very often. Someone in the church loses a loved one and the funeral is at the church. If there is any way you can, be there. You may not know the person’s loved one, but that church member is hurting and it’s good for you to be there in their time of need. If you hear someone in the church is in the hospital, go out of your way to visit them. If you can’t go see them, call or text them. Just knowing that you went out of your way is comforting to them when they need it the most. Did you know that you don’t only have to help those whom you are close to in the church? There are those you may not know as well, but helping them during their time of need may bond your heart to theirs and you may just gain a new friend.

10. Do good by not taking advantage of others.

Many times there are people who have helped us in different things we do. Make sure you make them feel appreciated. I think so often in the ministry people take advantage of people who are always willing to give of their time, money and energy. These are the people who would bend over backwards to be a help to you, the pastor or church. I can say by personal experience that I will help and do more for the person who shows appreciation to me than to those who don’t. You say that sounds greedy. No, if I have worked extensively on a project, and you took the time to send me a note of gratitude, I’ll be the first one to sign up to help again. So often we lose good help because we overlook those who have sacrificed and given a lot, and eventually, they are completely burnt out and feel that no one notices anyway so they won’t be missed if they don’t help. My dad often said, “Make sure to take care of the little people.” By that he wasn’t meaning necessarily the children, but if they deserved it, they should be taken care of. What he meant was, take care of the people who sometimes do things quietly, many times unseen, but consistent people who are always there. If you are a ministry leader, do your best to take care of your helpers.

11. Ask God how you can do good for others.

Sometimes you may see someone who just needs to be loved or acknowledged. Pray and ask the Lord what you can do for them. There have been times when the Lord has laid someone on my heart who I didn’t know very well and really didn’t know what to do for them. But when I prayed and asked the Lord, He gave me several ideas.

Now let me also say, there are some who just say you cannot give anything to do good. Let me remind you that there is always something to give. There are those sitting at church all by themselves who you can go over and give them a friendly smile, shake their hand and be warm and welcoming; that is good. There are times you can write a note of appreciation; that is good. Maybe you can babysit someone’s children, help a widow clean her home or rake leaves, and maybe you can cook a meal for someone.

I love the story in 1 Kings 17 of the widow of Zarephath. The Lord stretched her meal so that she could feed the prophet. If God can stretch her supplies, He can stretch the groceries in your pantry so you can bake or prepare a meal.

God didn’t put us on this Earth to be wrapped up only in our personal lives. God wants us to live for others. What good have you done today or this week?

by: Sandy Domelle

Masquerade parties go back to the 17^th century with the purpose that people would show up wearing costumes and masks to hide who they were and keep people guessing until the end of the party.

In recent months, as I have helped different ladies, two common sayings I hear are, “I’ve been told to wear a mask, but it’s not working. What else can I do?” or, “Fake it until you make it!” I’m personally not a fan of either of these statements. A mask never helps the deep rooted problem a person is going through, and those who fake it rarely make it.

One of the things that I have really prayed and asked the Lord to help me with is being sure to always give Scripture when I am helping someone. Many times we say quotes or sayings that sound great, but God’s Word is what makes a complete change in a life. Women are emotional by nature, so we love to be told the “feel good” types of sayings. Nothing will make you feel as good as God’s Word and allowing Him to help you through your problems.

Let me challenge each of you, no matter who you are, that as you give godly advice, give Scripture to back it. Whether you are a pastor’s wife, assistant pastor’s wife, Sunday school teacher, lady bus worker, mom, grandma etc, the best advice you will ever give is advice from God’s Word. We need to take to heart what God tells us in Titus 2:3-5, that the older women are to teach the younger. What a great Bible study and challenge those verses are for each of us.

When I think about fake things, I remember when my parents first went to the Philippines as missionaries. Other missionaries told us that squash pie tasted EXACTLY like pumpkin pie. They also said that mangoes taste just like peaches. There’s no way that they did, but I think when you miss things from the States during the holidays, you can convince yourself that it “could” be true. When my mom made a peach pie using mangoes, or a pumpkin pie using squash, we were so excited because we just knew it was going to taste great. You know what? We were let down and disappointed. That’s the exact problem with faking it until we make it. Your heart isn’t in it and you never end up with the result for which you had hoped. I can’t fake a diet because if I do, I’ll never get the result I want. I can’t fake my love for my husband, because eventually our marriage will be in trouble. My heart needs to be in what I’m doing, no matter how hard it is to get through it.

On the other side, wearing a mask doesn’t really help either. A mask is made to disguise, hide or cover. When you put on a mask, you learn you can fake your problems really well, so we decide we can do it for several things. Because of this, you constantly throw on masks instead of dealing with the situation at hand. Ladies, life is not a masquerade party.

By wearing masks you teach your children it’s okay to fake things. You are faking it when you put your mask on. Let me put it this way, you are being deceitful and teaching your children to be deceitful. Maybe you think deceit is awfully harsh. The dictionary meaning of deceit is: concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; fraud.

There are a couple of things that happen when you wear a mask. First, it becomes easier to live behind the mask instead of being you. You like how you feel being behind the mask because it hides your imperfections. Then, you start hiding more things and the real you never shows through.

Another thing that happens is most people can tell when you are wearing a mask because you seem to be faking it. That’s when people try to help the most, but because you are wearing the mask and don’t feel you need the help, you begin pushing them away. If you’re not careful, you can wear a mask so much that no one, including your own family, really knows who you are. Your comfort and security comes from wearing the mask and you’ve left God completely out of the picture.

With a masquerade party you don’t take your mask off until the very end. How sad it will be if you hid your true self all through your life, and when you get to the end of your life and take your mask off, no one recognizes you. Those close to you will view you as a fake. That’s not what any of us want.

When do people wear masks? Some wear them when they are faced with sickness or death. There are times when others need to see that you are grieving. It keeps them praying and aware that you still need extra encouragement, prayer and love. Some choose to wear a mask through their financial problems. They don’t want anyone to know and they spend more money in order to cover up their financial problems, only to end up in a deeper financial hole. This all happens because they won’t honestly face their true financial situation. Sometimes it’s when family problems come. You may not have family problems right now, but we all face things at some point in our life. We have to learn to face the problems head on and deal with each step as we go through them with dignity and God’s grace. My parents trained me as a child never to look down on someone who is personally going through rough times with their family because I had yet to face all of life. I try to always remember that with anyone who is struggling. Maybe your life is just a complete mess, and you feel a mask is the only thing that will get you up to face the world. Let me tell you, God’s grace is better than any mask that you could wear.

One other area people tend to wear a mask is in times of self pity. All you can see and all you allow your mind to dwell upon are all the things wrong in your life, no matter what they may be. You cannot seem to find any good. When I was a teenage girl and lived in the Philippines, I had the opportunity to visit a leper colony. Going into a colony was definitely a life changing experience for me as a teenager. Here were people whom we make an outcast, left without family, dealing with missing limbs, and living in rough conditions. I met a young mother who was as happy as could be in spite of all that she was going through. She had lost her husband, had children missing limbs and covered in huge patches of sores. As we visited, sang with them, and told Bible stories, I was amazed at how her face just beamed. Before we left I asked her why she was so happy. She told me God allowed her to live another day. She was so happy and thankful for the moment, and not living in the self pity that she could have been. Several weeks later we went again, when we arrived she was one of the first people we saw. I noticed she had lost her hand and I felt devastated for her. I didn’t want to keep looking at her, but I couldn’t help it. Here she was with a few young children at her side and another on her hip, yet so completely happy and full of joy. Just before we left I had an opportunity to talk with her, and I asked her again how she stayed so happy even with losing her hand. She told me God gave her hands for as long as He did, what if she had never been born with them and experienced all she did when she had her hand. I left that day thinking of all that this lady had been through in her life, and yet she could be happy and love the Lord the way she does. I so often think of her and am reminded to keep the joy of the Lord even when things aren’t going as planned.

You may be asking what do we do so we don’t have to wear a mask? With each situation you have to learn how to deal with it. You may have to tell the Lord you can’t make it through today without His help, and make it today only, not worrying about tomorrow. Maybe you need to make it this morning only, this afternoon only, or night only, but realize that God has given you GRACE and not a MASK to make it.

I’ve mentioned God’s grace several times, and the reason I have is because I did a Bible study one morning during my devotions, and I was so excited with the truth the Lord gave me. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

Let me share with you a few things that I learned as I read these verses. Sometimes it’s easy to read over verses that we’ve read and quoted for years without getting the whole truth. I decided I was going to get my dictionary out and look up the words in these verses. God says His grace is sufficient. When you look up the word “grace” it means, “the free unmerited love and favor of God, the source of all the benefits men receive from him.” I like to say that God’s grace is whatever I need at that very moment. God’s grace could be comfort, strength, encouragement, etc. It will be different for each situation that I go through, but it’s there and it’s sufficient, all that I will ever need.

Next, I looked up the word “pleasure” because I certainly don’t enjoy my infirmities, and I wanted to know what God meant by taking “pleasure in infirmities.” The pleasure that God is talking about is the gratification of knowing that God will provide the need for my situation without my having to put on a mask. So, the pleasure I’m receiving is a gratification of knowing that God will be with me through His grace.

Then, there is a list of words for which God shows us where He gives His grace

Infirmities – our weaknesses and imperfections

Reproaches – our shame and disgraces

Necessities – the things that must be and cannot be otherwise

Persecutions – infliction of pain, punishment or death

Distresses – extreme pain, anguish of body or mind, affliction or misery

God says His grace is sufficient, not limited, and it’s all that we need. God knew each and every feeling we’d have. He knew that times would be tough, and He named almost each thing through those verses.

Let me encourage you that when things in life get tough, and at times when you don’t feel you can face the world, don’t choose a mask; instead, reach for His grace, it will be sufficient and then you will see, “…for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

by: Jennifer Petticoffer

Hebrews 12:2-3 – Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

What do you want from your life? When all is said and done and you’re nearing the end of your days here on Earth, what will be your dearest accomplishments? Some people have started “bucket lists” – things they want to do, places that want to visit, etc. before they “kick the bucket”. If things, experiences and places are what you want, then this is a way to complete your desires; however, if you want something to take with you into eternity or to leave here to influence eternity, you will have a different “list” beside your deathbed. Staying in God’s Word while knowing what direction you are traveling will keep and make your path clear. Think about that.

Most of us are goal-oriented, maybe not detailed list makers, but we have some idea of what we want and need to accomplish. We, as Christian ladies today, have many resources for planning the days and weeks of our lives. We have wardrobe and meal planners, calendars on our phones that beep to remind us about every event and a worldwide web at our fingertips with the answer to every problem we may ever encounter. Yet, with all of the micro-management of our lives, have we lost sight of the big picture?

Begin at the beginning and end at the ending.

To know how to map the course of our lives we must begin at the beginning and know our final destination. Jesus Christ is the author (the beginning) and the finisher (the ending) of our faith. He should be our goal. After our salvation by faith we must live by this faith. Living like Jesus, doing like Jesus, and being like Jesus are steps to how we will end our days with Jesus. (Yes, I meant to say, “Jesus” that many times.)

The words “…Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matt. 25:21), should be words each Christian should mark as a goal for his lifetime.

I wrote these words in my prayer journal and read them each day – “Make sure what you do with your time is of value to God and eternity.”

Keep your eyes on the Prize.

Although our motivation should be more than a prize, God wants to reward us as His children. We should want to please our Father and this should help us to focus on matters. The Bible mentions several crowns and prizes.

Crown of Righteousness – II Timothy 4:7-8

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.”

Crown of Life – James 1:2, Revelation 2:10

“Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.”

“Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.”

Overcome Distractions

We cannot focus when we are distracted. Our society today has an ever-decreasing attention span. Distractions at every turn have limited our ability to focus on what is before us. If we would SIMPLIFY what and who gets our attention we would greatly improve the QUALITY of our time and our lives.

How much of your life do you want to be tethered to the internet, to your cell phone, to your television or to your social media? 10%? (2.4 hours per day), 20%? (4.8 hours per day), 40%? (9.6 hours per day) Get the picture? If you don’t decide how and when to limit distractions, your life will be given away a little at a time, hours turning to weeks and weeks to years, turning your attention from Jesus Christ.

Decide to focus on your spiritual walk. Before you check your email, texts or social media, read your Bible and pray. Before you speak to anyone else, speak to the Lord. Use your brain and help your spirit by memorizing Scripture. When was the last time you took time to fast and pray for a need or someone else’s need? Our spiritual walk should encompass each part our lives. Start the day with a focus and a plan.

Decide to focus on your spouse and/or immediate family. Before you play another game of Candy Crush on your phone or pin another “Pin,” talk to your husband and children. Find out what they’re thinking. Get involved in what’s important to them. Write a letter to your mother, have a cup of coffee with your father or start working on that quilt for your grandchild. Pray for each member of your family and be specific about their needs. Stop worrying while you play, pray; instead, keep your focus on Christ.

Decide to be a local church Christian. Yes, we are saved members of Bible-believing, Baptist, local churches. We care about the entire world. We want all to know about Jesus Christ and the Gospel. We want to have a global vision, but God’s plan for this is local-church based. Be a faithful member of your church, listen to your pastor’s sermons, go soul winning in your neighborhood, serve in your church choir and give tithes to your church. Do not be distracted by other church websites, lifestyles and directions. Focus your energy and time in serving the Lord where you are.

Jennifer Petticoffer
Longview Baptist Temple
Longview, TX

Avoiding the NEGATIVES of Life
by: Sandy Domelle

One of the things I hate the most is the nasty garbage can that sits in our garage. After a few days, it always stinks and by the time garbage day rolls around I am anxious to get it to the curb. There are some days the smell is just so atrocious that we leave the garage door open to air it out.

Luke 6:45 reads, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” When I read this verse, some thoughts came to my mind that I believe will be helpful to all.

How often have we heard the statement, “Garbage in, garbage out?” A good man has good treasure in his heart because he takes in the good and dwells on it. The evil man has an evil treasure because his thoughts and deeds are evil.

If I want a happy life full of good, I need to be sure that I stay in God’s Word and stay focused on the good things of life. By nature it’s so easy to look at the negatives. I have days when I need to read a little extra in God’s Word, listen to happy Christian music and pray a little more for God to have control of my mind and to help me dwell on the positives in my life. I think each of us need to be sure that we focus on not being a negative person. Even the words we choose as we talk with others can be a good treasure. When we are negative, ugly and despiteful in conversation, our words have a stench, just as garbage does.

If we aren’t careful, we will focus on the negatives of life, and when we do that we get discouraged, depressed, bitter and then that evil treasure sets in. Let me give you three things you need to do to avoid becoming the garbage can that stinks.

1. Remember that God never intended for you to be a garbage can.

Philippians 4:8 shows us what we are to take in when it says, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” When you read this verse, you realize that God wants you to think on those things that will help others. Talking or listening to anything that is contrary to this verse will make you a garbage can. God would rather you be the dispenser of praise and truth. The best way to be avoid being a garbage can is to be the person who always finds the good in every person or situation.

2. Avoid those conversations that turn you into a garbage can.

We have all found ourselves in that uncomfortable situation where the conversation turned into a gossip session. There are ways you can keep this from happening. First, avoid those people who constantly talk negative about others. We don’t need to hear about the negatives of others. We have enough we need to change about ourselves to keep us busy without having to spend time talking about others. Second, when the conversation changes into a gossip session, either change it or politely leave. If you are going to avoid becoming the garbage can, you are going to have to learn how to change a conversation when it turns into gossip. If you can’t get the conversation to change, then politely leave. There is something about a person quickly leaving when a conversation goes negative that tells the others you were not pleased with what was being said. That one action can have a convicting impact to help those who were negative to change their ways.

3. Always be the air freshener to every conversation you enter.

People love being around someone who is always happy and cheerful. Ask the LORD to help you be that person everyday. I know we all have bad days, but the LORD can still help you to be that person who brightens another’s day. Make it your daily goal to brighten the day of every person with whom you come into contact.

There are enough human garbage cans walking around without Christians adding to it. If you don’t want to have a bad attitude and have the stench of garbage, then you need to do your best to keep the garbage out of your life. Always remember that you represent the LORD, and He “went about doing good.” (Acts 10:38) If you will copy the LORD’s example of going about doing good, then you will never become like the nasty garbage can in our garage.

by: Tammy Painter

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a potbellied wood burning stove in the basement of her home. I can remember her telling me not to get too close. Why? There was the danger of being burnt. I was also not allowed to play in the street when I was a child, for obvious reasons. As a matter of fact, we were not even allowed to play in the grassy area between the sidewalk in front of our house and the street. It was too close to that dangerous area.

As Christian ladies, there are many dangers of which we need to be careful. We need to recognize them and teach them to our children. As our children get older, those borderlines change and take on new faces and names. However, the danger of crossing from right to wrong is still the same.

Of course, no one sets out to do wrong. So, why do we get as close to it as we possibly can? Some areas that I look at in my own life to make sure that I am not borderline are; my walk with God, my associations, my dress and my attitude toward the house of God and the man of God.

First, let’s look at being borderline in your walk with God. When we neglect our walk with God, it hinders our ability to see the borderline. In Colossians 3:16 the Bible tells us, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom.” When we forsake our Bible reading, we have no wisdom, as seen in Jeremiah 8:9. “The wise men are ashamed, they are dismayed and taken; lo, they have rejected the word of the LORD; and what wisdom is in them?”

We can be faithful in our Bible reading and still be borderline in our walk with God. Sometimes we get so busy with our lives that we forget to pray. It was through prayer that many have turned the heart of God to show mercy toward them. It also says in Proverbs 15:8, “…but the prayer of the upright is his delight.” Let’s not be borderline in our prayer life.

We need to remember to meditate on God’s Word. Meditation will help us to be mindful of his Word, even when it is not open and in front of us. It will help to create a standard mindset that is ready to recognize our boundaries and not cross over them.

Another area that needs constant attention is our associations. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Our fellowship with the unsaved or saved, but ungodly, will greatly hinder our ability to see the borderlines clearly. This is unmistakably laid out in Scripture with 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.”

When we talk about borderlines concerning women’s dress, this is where ladies turn a deaf ear. Some people say that modest dress is a matter of opinion. This gives each lady the right to determine what they deem to be modest. The problem with this is found in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.” The Bible gives so many examples of the problems with immodesty. There is one example of a progression that starts with immodesty…then lust, adultery, deceit, drunkenness and murder.

When we think of the story of David and Bathsheba, our attention is drawn to David’s sin. What we overlook is the seemingly innocent…Bathsheba. She was immodest where she could be observed by others. This led to lust and adultery…for those of you who know the story, know the sequence of events. There is some blame on Bathsheba’s part for the events that took place.

Oftentimes there are guidelines set for what is modest and what is not. For example, I have seen at a church the guidelines for a wedding dress. One of the guidelines was that the dress could not be sleeveless. So, the bride put a little cap on the “sleeve.” However, in her pictures the dress still looked sleeveless. Why do we want to get so close to that which is immodest? When we teeter on that borderline between modest or immodest it is very dangerous. Do we really want to make the borderline between right and wrong so thin and gray that we can’t even tell when we are standing in the wrong? I know I don’t.

Let me talk about the last area in my list, our attitude toward the house of God and the man of God. Many places in Scripture it speaks of dedicating the house of God or the dedication of the house of God. The house of God was a place set aside for a special purpose. Our church building is set in place for a special purpose. When we allow it to be abused by our families, then we are standing on that borderline of respect for the house of God.

Let me give you just a few examples…letting our children run or play on the platform and behind the pulpit. We do not teach our children to reverence the man of God when we do this. How about letting them write in the songbooks, leave wrappers in the songbook holder of the pews, using the offering envelopes for purposes other than offering, running in the hallways, playing on the piano, and the list could go on and on.

We have to guard our thoughts and our mouths concerning the man of God. It only takes one negative comment about the pastor and his preaching becomes ineffective to the rest of our family. There comes a day in everyone’s life when they need the man of God and his preaching, but it won’t be the help that God intended for it to be if you don’t have the right relationship with the man of God.

Our lives would be so much simpler and safer if we make sure to stay away from the borderline in these areas of our lives.

Tammy Painter
Pastor’s Wife
Lincoln Baptist Church
Lincoln, NE

by: Sandy Domelle

How many times have you heard the saying, “If Momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy?” It seems like a “cutesy” little saying that people like to quote when it’s convenient for them.

As a child, I can remember hearing that statement made when we were at someone’s house and the minute we got in the car my mom was sure to tell us that statement was not true. She said, “No one’s happiness should depend on others. We all choose to be happy!” How very true my mom was in pointing this out.

That statement was created by the Devil. He would like no more than to ruin a person’s day. He knows if he defeats you, he will more than likely defeat others in the household.

Many of you right now are thinking of some lady that has this philosophy. I think of children that everyone knows you don’t want to mess with their Mom. I know women whose kids automatically say, “Mom ain’t going to be happy,” when things go wrong. Why do the kids automatically think mom isn’t going to be happy? Even if she hasn’t made this statement, the feeling of this statement is present in their home.

Looking at this philosophy a little closer, you can see that the seed of this is rebellion in a woman’s heart. You say, well I’m not a rebellious woman. I do all I can for my family, children, church and friends. Okay, but why must YOU be happy? Life is centered on you and how YOU must feel. I know of some women who are home all the time with their kids and they feel they run the home for the most part. What you are doing is making sure everyone fits your schedule, your routine, and no one else can conflict. You want things your own way. When the boat gets rocked you become upset, you let your attitude be seen, and you cause tension in your home. This type of an attitude is wrong, rebellious and unbiblical!

The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:4 when talking about the wives, “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” Again the Bible says in the latter part of Malachi 2:15, “…Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.” Notice in both of these verses that the wife is the spirit of the home. But according to 1 Peter, that spirit is to be meek and quiet. It is not to be a contentious, controversial, touchy or arguable spirit. Yet, when we say, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody is happy,” this is what she has truly become.

Here are some thoughts to help you to be the wife that has the right spirit in the home.

     1. Don’t make everything revolve around you.

Not everything has to go your way. One of the reasons many of us become unhappy is because we make the routine and schedule of the week all centered on us. You must learn to be flexible with others and be extra careful not to make everything about you.

     2. Keep yourself on a regular schedule.

Stick to your regular routine. Most of the time when we get frustrated and irritated it is when everything is being done at the last minute. You need to come up with a schedule for the week and then live by that schedule. Don’t let things just come up; when you do you will then get uptight which will cause you to be unhappy in the home. This is when your family feels that extra tension and strain.

     3. Do your best to avoid things that irritate you.

Now we all know what irritates the fire out of us. Because we know this, we need to do our best to avoid those things. Avoiding the things that irritate us will help us not to be unhappy in the home. When you see what irritates you coming your way, instead of blowing your stack, in a calm way head it off and stop it so that you don’t make the whole house upset. When you blow your stack because you are irritated, you are only making the situation worse. Your children and husband will then all become uptight and irritated. This is not what you want your home to become.

     4. Stop comparing yourself to the worldly mode of a woman.

When I say the worldly mode of a woman, I am talking about the Hollywood idea of every woman having the ideal body who works a career as an executive. God did not make us to be like this. When we are under this kind of stress we tend to take it home and cause everyone in the home to be frustrated and irritated. Don’t strive to be like the woman that the world portrays, try to be like the lady who the Bible portrays and who God wants you to be.

     5. Don’t over extend yourself.

Be very careful to know what your limits are. Many times we want to take on the world and then find ourselves overwhelmed with all the responsibilities that we have. This then causes us to become irritated and short with everyone. When you know what your limits are, don’t go over those limits. The easiest way to keep from going over those limits is to ask your husband if he thinks you should take on any new task that comes your way. He will become your protection from overextending yourself.

We need to work at being a lady who controls her spirit so our family will not say about us, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy”.

by: Dr. Bruce Goddard

No matter how godly the couple may be, men and women do not look at life the same way. We are different biologically, but if that were all of it, peace and order would be easily attained. We are different in countless gender specific areas: personality differences as well as taste, preferences, and background. In order to have a happy home (and to please God), there must be ground rules. I mean rules similar to boundary lines on a football field, the height of the basket in basketball or how many pounds of air pressure are in a football.

Areas that are always difficult include leadership and authority. The man is not always right.(Nor is the lady for that matter, but if a couple is to make a bad choice, the lady would usually rather it be her mistake than her husband’s.)

Allow me to reflect on two familiar stories, first, Adam and Eve: Eve was a perfect lady, yet was fooled by the Devil. She used her persuasiveness to get her husband to do what he knew was wrong – think about that ladies – a perfect man was led astray by the words of his wife, and as a result the whole human race was cursed. Ladies, you should guard against pushing your husband to make decisions. If he is not ready to make a choice, let it go. You should fear ruining your children, soiling your ministry, and bringing great loss at the Judgment Seat of Christ. Ladies, PUSH the choices to your husband! Fight to stay out of those decision-making times. There is no way you can know what evil will be born through your husband’s willingness to follow your desires (even good desires – Eve had no ill intentions).

The second story is of Abraham and Sarah. We all know the story in Genesis 16.

Genesis 16:2, “And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.”

Genesis 16:5, “And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.”

Abraham and Sara could not have a child, but Sara passionately desired a baby. She finally suggested that Abraham take her maid as his wife (in hopes of having a child through this other lady). Honestly, this was really not going to work, was it? (Unless they planned to kill Hagar after the child was weaned.) Ladies, this was a good man and a good lady, but that was a stupid idea, no matter how you look at it. The terrorist problem we have today was born because Abraham was not strong enough to assure His wife that God was faithful, and that He would provide a child when the timing was right.

Genesis 16:12, “And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man’s hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.”

All of the fighting over land in the Middle East began with Abraham’s decision – that land was promised to his son. There should have been only ONE promised son to inherit all of the land. But now, there are two sons who have been fighting over the inheritance for hundreds of years. There should never have been a son named Ishmael – his existence was the result of a woman urging her husband to do something he would not have done on his own.

I believe the two most tragic moments in human history each centered on a lady who gently nudged her husband, and on a man who gave in when he knew what was right and wrong. Notice the word “hearkened.”

Genesis 3:17, “And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;”

Genesis 16:2, “And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.”

The matter of leadership does not involve slavery or telling a lady she should lose all her ideas or opinions, but when there are serious choices, life-changing matters, or when the man has already expressed his opinion on family direction, that is when a lady needs to back off and trust God.

1 Peter 3:5, “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:”

The real beauty of a Christian lady is her ability to trust God enough to be in subjection to her husband.

Too much pressure is put on the lady. We should simply tell the men to “Stand up for what you know is right and tell her, NO!”  But we, who are married, know that is seldom going to happen. Ladies have persuasive abilities that far exceed the ability of a man to resist. Remember Rebekah in Genesis 27? After persuading her son, Jacob, to deceive his father, she then proceeded to seek to save his life from Esau – the mean big brother. She used her persuasive ability to get Isaac to send Jacob away. All of her planning and effort was due to her lack of trust in God and her husband; she also lost fellowship with her son for decades. She got her way, but it did not turn out as she desired.

When my wife and I go out to eat, I want to eat where my wife prefers to go. But, she also wants me to be happy, so I suggest a few places, then she chooses one; or she suggests a few places and I chose one of them. When we make choices regarding vacation time and countless other choices, we share or discuss ideas and come to a decision. On occasion, we have had a situation in which she felt strongly about a friend of one of our children. I, perhaps, did not see any great harm, but she felt the friend was not a good influence. Situations in which we do not both see something, but one feels strongly, we chose the path to the right.

When we consider children, Ladies are always more conscious about the safety of their children than a man is. If a lady had her way, she would raise up boys who were whiny, crybabies who could not do anything hard, but always run to mama for rescue. Children need a man to temper that stuff and say, “Let him tough it out and solve this by himself.”  Life is full of conflict, and boys need to learn to solve problems without their mom’s help.

In another area, we consider a man’s work. If my wife felt another career would lengthen my life due to age and pressure, she should never voice that opinion. If she felt another career would make more money or bring her more security, she should never even mention it. The decision to change jobs, change churches or leave a ministry to lengthen life is not a good choice (even though it may lengthen his life to have less hours and less stress). Let God and the husband pick his work and ministry.  If he dies in the will of God, be grateful.

Man was not placed on this Earth for the lady, but the lady for the man. Man is here to live for God and serve God. The lady is in the man’s life for the same reason, to love and serve her husband. (Well, there it is, the last straw for some of my readers; but before you quit reading, look at this verse.)

1 Corinthians 11:7-9, “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

I will not push the politically incorrect button again, but go back to the Garden of Eden and see who needed whom. Whom was it God needed? Who was it that needed the woman? Ladies, I wish we men were stronger and would stand for love, mercy, tenderness and also had strength to say, “NO!” But we are just about powerless, especially when it is a “continual dropping” as Solomon writes about (Proverbs 19:13 and 27:15). I wish your words were not smoother than oil (Proverbs 5:3), but God made you ladies just about irresistible. With just your words, you can be a cute, little, frail gal, yet totally change the minds and life of that big muscle-bound hero you married and FORCE him to do things he would not do if it were he and God talking it over.

Proverbs 7:21 says, “With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.”

You gals are powerful. When it comes to resistance, we men are sorry rascals most of the time. We will often chose to please a pretty face we can see over the God we cannot see. Sorry about that, but it is the world in which you girls live. So men, do not be brutes; be kind; do not blame her for being persuasive; God made her that way. Men, if you know the will of God, do not move. Ladies, please help us a little by not mentioning your better idea, and thank you for the help.

Dr. Bruce Goddard
Pastor
Faith Baptist Church
Wildomar, CA
http://thepreachersfriend.com

by: Sandy Domelle

Psalm 119:11 says, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”

The Bible teaches us that there is a need for us to know and memorize God’s Word. If we don’t memorize it, how can it be hid in our heart? It’s so important to know Scripture and for our children to know it. When the Devil comes and wants to discourage you, challenge your self-worth, tell you can’t make it or tell you that what you’re doing in life doesn’t mean anything, it’s so important that God’s Word is buried deep within your heart. It’s also the reminder that the Holy Spirit can bring to memory when you are tempted to sin. Psalm 37:31 says, “The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.”

I remember as a child going to Vacation Bible School and our preacher, Bro. Hyles, would teach a song to the children. “Resist Satan, resist Satan, he will flee, he will flee. He cannot defeat you, if you quote the Bible, he will leave, he will leave.” Do you know that many, many years later, I still often remember that tune when I think of the Devil and his sneaky ways. The power of God’s Word memorized and buried deep within your heart is one of the best tools we have. Having Scripture with which to fight the Devil when he comes to you is one of the best things you can do. Yes, we can pull out our Bible and find many Scriptures that fight the Devil, but what about the dark nights when you are all alone, when your Bible isn’t right at hand, when someone is talking to you and you need to encourage them with Scripture. God’s Word is the one thing that will bless your heart and comfort it when most needed. God’s Word is also that source that tells you everything is going to be okay. Sometimes reading God’s Word and memorizing It isn’t for just encouragement for you alone. It’s those very Scriptures that your mind has dwelt on over and over again that God uses when a friend’s life is falling a part, a child doesn’t feel they can do something or someone is just struggling to belong. Those Scriptures will be the words that will comfort their hearts when there is nothing we can say in our great wisdom, it has to be from the Lord.

Let me encourage you to learn verses on a variety of topics. Verses to encourage, on grace, mercy, love, guidance, wisdom, you can’t go wrong learning any verse in the Bible. I know the older we get the harder it is to remember things, but I find when I have several verses that I read over and over and quote the reference, it’s easier to remember.

We are truly blessed to have God’s Word and to have it so abundantly. Many people across the world still don’t possess their very own copy of the Bible. Every time my dad goes to the mission field and we see pictures when he comes back of them passing out the Bibles, it warms my heart and burdens me to want to be able to get the Bible to those who do not have it. Recently, I challenged the ladies in our missionary circles at our church to go home and count every single Bible they owned in their house. I went through our house and checked every bookcase, night stand and went through every room. I was truly amazed at the number of Bibles we own in our home. I’m sure you would be just as amazed. But do you know what is more amazing? How many people in your home do not memorize God’s Word. It’s one thing to own it, it’s another to read it and even more so to memorize it.

Let me challenge you to memorize God’s Word and to hide it in your heart. There is no wrong way to memorize it. It can be a single verse at a time or a chapter at a time. Do whatever works best for you. Just remember, there will be busy days when you are in great need of God’s Word. What it is hid in your heart it will come out. Hopefully it’s God’s Word that comes out and not the things of the world and/or the Devil. Nothing will guide you, give love and comfort like God’s Word will.

by: Ruth Zuber

“Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God and die.” (Job 2:9) These are the only words recorded from Job’s wife in the Bible and she is speaking to her husband. Have you ever thought about her or considered her in any way? What happened to her and their relationship? What would cause a woman to speak such vile and vicious words to her husband? What can we learn from her?

I believe we need to step back and look at all that has recently happened in their lives. Once you have the facts, you can judge if she is as despicable as she sounds. As the book of Job opens, he is described as a great man with many herds of sheep, camels, oxen and she asses. He has a great household and is known to be a perfect and an upright man. He is a man who feared God and stayed away from evil.

As the story unfolds, God gives Satan permission to bring major disaster into Job’s life. All that Job has; his family, his worldly goods, even his own health is now in Satan’s power. However, God will not allow Satan to take his life. So without warning, disaster strikes Job.

Imagine this day. One servant after the other runs to Job to report each disaster that is unfolding in the fields. The oxen, asses and camels were stolen, the sheep were burned up and almost all the servants were killed. His 10 children were altogether in a house and it collapses and they are all dead. Needless to say, Job is shaken. But even in his grief he realizes that God is in control, and he still blesses the name of the LORD.

Now Satan is still not satisfied because his primary objective was to devastate Job to the point that he would turn away from God. So, Satan strikes Job with painful boils all over his body. He would then sit in the ashes and scrape his skin with a piece of broken pottery.

Let’s stop here. Where is Job’s wife? The Bible doesn’t say, but I imagine she is right there. Horrible things were happening, not just to Job, but also to her. Does anything ever happen to our spouse or family that we don’t suffer along with them? She would have been no different. She would have been horrified at the devastation in the field and to her servants. Anxiety would have filled her as she would have been unsure of what was happening and why. Her whole world appeared to be crumbling. Her entire livelihood and security were disappearing. Then the word comes about her children. All ten of them; gone!

Inconsolable, deeply brokenhearted, terribly frightened and utterly humiliated are just a few words that might describe her soon after the disaster struck. Unlike her husband, Job, she did not turn to God for strength. How do I know? Her own words prove the claim that she let Satan use her to inflict further harm to her husband. Satan, who is always watching for ways he can move in and use our own selfishness and self-righteousness against us, sees an opportunity to destroy them both. Thoughts are multiplying second by second in her mind. Every passing minute they are becoming more exaggerated. Let’s just imagine some of her thoughts. What is going on? Why is this happening? Am I going to be killed next? How will I survive without my children? Where is my husband? Why is he not with me? Does he even care about me? If he cared for me, he’d be here with me and not sitting in the ash heap. What will people think of us?

At some point from deep in her brokenness, anger began to emerge. She only thought of herself and how she felt. Possibly not even a thought emerged for her husband and what he was going through. Life became all about her. Bitterness and anger overcame any thought of civility. Her raging emotions grew as she mulled these thoughts over and over in her mind. Finally, the capped volcano exploded and the vicious words left her mouth like hot molten lava.

So how does this affect us today many centuries later? We are all still human and capable of the same emotions and feelings that Job’s wife encountered. Even minor infractions with our spouse or friends can become a major event if we let it. We take in what is said or what we perceive happened to us and then the thoughts begin to grow. The false scenarios our minds develop are rehearsed over and over with each one becoming more dramatic. And then, guess what? The next encounter with that person doesn’t go well. They are left wondering what just happened to them and why.

How can we protect ourselves from being sucked into this behavior? Fortunately for us the Bible gives us clear guidance about our thoughts. “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.” (2 Corinthians 10:3-6) So there it is. Cast down those imaginations, capture every thought and hold them up to the light of truth in Christ. I’m not saying this is easy. Notice the words in the verses above, “…pulling down strong holds.” But again, even before we ask how, the question is answered. “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God.” Only through God can we accomplish this huge task.

No matter what adversity you are facing today, God is with you. Ask Him to make you mighty through Him. He will give you the help you need; whether it is the strength to go on, good words to say or grace to endure.

Until next time…keep thinking good thoughts.

Ruth Ellen Zuber
Author of Job’s Wife; the Untold Story of a Woman Caught in Life’s Adversity
Communicate with Ruth Ellen on her blog at http://jobswifestory.com/

by: Sandy Domelle

When we read John 14:26, we learn that the Holy Spirit is our Comforter. What a wonderful feeling it is to know that we have the Holy Spirit so close at hand to comfort us in our time of need. Our Comforter encourages us to help us make it through the hard times. He encourages us to keep going and to keep fighting so that we don’t let life’s circumstances defeat us.

Ephesians 4:30-32 says, “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

In these verses we see that we are not to grieve the Holy Spirit. The word “grieve” means, “to discourage.” If we don’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit, then we need to pay special attention to those things listed in these verses that grieve Him. We see that bitterness; which is being snippy with our words, and wrath; which is yelling at one another, and anger; which is fighting with each other, and clamour; which is arguing with each other, and evil speaking; which is gossiping or talking bad about someone, and malice; which is trying to get even with people, grieve the Holy Spirit. If these grieve the Holy Spirit, then we know these same things will grieve and discourage those who are our encouragers.

Right now, think of those in your life who encourage you when you are down. You must be careful that you don’t discourage these people. If you do, then how are they to encourage you if you discourage them? God tells us that the way you encourage them is to be kind to them. Being kind means to serve them as if they were your employer. In other words, serve those who are your encouragers so that they can encourage you when you are down.

There are several people who you need to be careful to encourage so that they can be your encourager in times of need. Who are these people, and how should we encourage them?

Your husband

Be sure to praise his accomplishments, and let him know that you are his biggest cheerleader. Every human loves to be praised, and if you will dwell more on the positive things about your husband, you’ll see that you’re not so quick to think of his negatives.

Be sure to be thrifty with your spending. You don’t always have to spend money. Some ladies think they are being “thrifty” by hitting all the sales. Yes, you may be thrifty on a few items, but remember that the little things add up very quickly. You don’t want to nickel and dime your husband to death.

Be understanding when he has had a tough day. You may be thinking you had a rough day too, but it’s not all about you, and you should always be thinking of your husband first. Find special things to do for him throughout the day. Have his meals ready for him when he gets home. Tuck little notes in his lunch or in places where he will be. Text him, email him or even leave voice messages.

Be interested in his interests, especially if this interest is his line of work or is his areas of service in the church. If your husband is a Sunday school teacher, prepare treats for his class, visit the class with him or participate if you can in the activities they do.

Most of all, meet his physical needs. My desire is to be all that my hubby needs. If I am encouraging him, he in return cares for me and will encourage me when I need it.

Your Children

If you are going to encourage your children, then give each of your children individual time each day. It may be just a short amount of time, but they need to know you are there for them.

Be interested in the things that they do. If your son loves trains, sports, working on cars, etc., read up on these things so you will have knowledge about those things to use when conversing with him. You build relationships in your life by relating to each person. I desire to have a great relationship with my daughter, so I get interested in the things she does.

Be sure to physically touch your children each day. There’s something about touch that shows you care. By this I mean a hug, a pat on the arm, etc. every day. No matter their age, they always need to feel they are loved. You may not want to hug your teenager in front of their friends, but you can always give them a hug before they leave the house.

Talk to your children instead of yelling at them when dealing with them. You’ll get through to them quicker when you use a touch of gentleness. Be sure to listen to them when they are talking. If you give them eye contact, they know you are interested and really listening. Make them feel important to you!

Your Pastor

Your preacher is the one who will be there when you go through some of the toughest times in your life. If your loved one is in the hospital, he’s there. If you have a loved one pass away, he is there. He’s usually the first one people call when their marriage falls apart or a child goes wayward. Realizing this, we want to be sure to encourage our preacher because he is the one who preaches and encourages us more than most. Our pastor let’s us constantly know that he cares and will always be there for us when we need him. Hopefully, your pastor is the same way. There are some very simple things you can do to encourage him.

Be on time for church. There’s nothing worse than church starting and having people stagger in. If you come right from work, that is understandable. Many people lack character in the area of being on time. Be sure to get there early, and when the service starts, participate in the singing and be there mentally. Don’t let your mind wander, but act interested when he is preaching. A preacher can tell whether or not he has your attention.

Get involved, don’t just be a “pew warmer.” I want to get involved in the things around me. Every church has things that need to be done, so don’t come to just warm a pew for the preaching, but find out what you can do to be involved and help more.

Don’t be afraid to go to him for counseling. This shows him that you trust him and know he is there for you. So many times you hear people say that the preacher has enough things to deal with that they don’t want to burden him with their problems. Your preacher deserves the right to help you. He can’t read your mind unless you come to him. He doesn’t know how to help you unless you tell him what is wrong.

Write him notes of encouragement. When a sermon has hit home or helped you, be sure to slip a small note under his door to thank him for the sermon. Giving him his favorite candy bar, pie or treat from your family is always a small way of encouraging your preacher and showing him you care.

One of the biggest things you can do for your preacher is not to be known as the church gossip. Nothing will hurt your preacher more than you always gossiping about everything in the church.

Your Pastor’s wife

There are so many extra things put on the preacher’s wife, but her main job is first and foremost to be the preacher’s wife. Church members often forget that and sometimes expect far more from her than she should do. She should be one of the people you often reach out to encourage. What kinds of things can you do to encourage her?

Be sure to remember the preacher and his wife on their birthdays. That’s one of the easiest ways to show someone you care. Don’t expect her to be involved in everything, as I said above, her job is to first be a wife. She does far more than you’ll ever see or know. Don’t make her children have to live in a glass house. She’s like the rest of us, she works diligently to care for and teach her children. None of us have perfect children; so they will all do things from time to time that may be questionable. If her child is the one running through the church like a hoodlum, remember this, church is often a second home to the pastor’s children. They spend many hours at the church so they may forget at times, just like your child does about what they should or shouldn’t be doing.

Don’t judge the preacher’s wife too harshly, but put yourself in her shoes. Remember, she is human and may have a bad day here or there. If you feel she was a little short with you, or she did something you didn’t like, don’t dwell on it, but always have a forgiving spirit. We each have days we say or do things for which we could later kick ourselves.

Do special things for your preacher’s wife. They don’t have to be big things, and they don’t have to cost much, but things that show you care. If you are crafty, use your talent to make her a gift. Your hobby may be sewing, baking, making jewelry, etc., use these as ways to encourage her through your thoughtfulness. I have something that I do for my preacher’s wife that is not real expensive, but it’s something that takes my time, and I can pray for her and her needs as I use this hobby to make her things.

Realize she doesn’t have to share her personal heartaches or burdens with you. If you find out about something she hasn’t shared, don’t feel you have the right to blab that because of your position as a staff member at church. That doesn’t give you the right to share it with everyone else in the church. Decide to be an extra blessing to her at that time through notes and love. We all have some “personal” things that we choose not to share, and she is no different.

Don’t talk about your preacher’s wife behind her back; it will get back to her. Instead, write her a note telling her that you appreciate her, and every once in awhile tell her face to face how much you appreciate her.

Our goal is to encourage our encouragers. There are many others whom you can encourage who are not listed. Always be on the lookout for ways you can serve them. When you serve others you are encouraging them, even if they don’t tell you. When you encourage them, in return, in your time of need, they will be there to encourage you.