by: Dr. Bruce Goddard
Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
In this passage, we find the two admonitions to husbands: leave and cleave. There are more instructions, but this is a good start. Leave home and cleave to your wife.
When we get married, we start a terrible race that involves things, babies, animals, houses, and in-laws. The trouble is, we got married to be together, but many factors in that race of life pull us away from each other.
Of course, we need a job. At least one of us does, and probably both at first. But, when your job takes you from one another, church and ministry, maybe you need to re-evaluate why you are where you are. Many of us met in church while serving and being involved, but then life not only took us away from serving God, but also away from the one we married.
At times, we say, “This is just for a short time,” and perhaps it is; but I have seen those short times turn into years. Suddenly your children are in junior high, and the two of you have missed many years of love and closeness, and you may never regain what you could have had.
Buying a house is not necessary for a happy home. Two cars are not necessary for God to bless your marriage and children. Fancy vacations are not important to a good relationship. Mrs. Goddard and I NEVER had a special vacation in the first 15 years of our marriage. Our first big vacation was a family trip to Hawaii when we had been married for 21 years. Big things are not as important as relationships. Throughout our marriage, our vacations were at my parents’ or her parents’ home — free housing, lake, hiking, parks and extended time together. Doing free things was enough. In all these years, we have been to Sea World twice; both times someone paid our way. In the early years, we also had someone take us to Disneyland and pay our way. We shopped at thrift stores — even for suits.
The one thing we had was each other (food and a roof over our head helped too). Bike rides with children, lots of ice cream stops, pushing kids on park swings — these things make for relationships, not money and large homes. Our staff members were buying houses before our family was. When our full-time staff members began working at our church, each one started work with a paycheck and insurance; my wife and I started without any of those things, and we were fine.
We spent Mondays together as faithfully as we spent Sundays in church. Shopping, walking, talking and then spending three nights a week at home was our rule of thumb. Now, everyone has to figure out what is best for his own family, but my wife and the four children who grew up in our home were more important to me than anything on Earth. I did not believe that God’s will led me to forsake my home. Was I busy? Of course I was. Was I gone to teen camp for a week each summer? Yes. But in the early days (before children), we went to camp together. However, after children were born, I was not going to have my children forfeit their mother so she could be my assistant in running a camp.
1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
“…dwell with her…” means something more than sharing the same house.
Notice what Leah said:
Genesis 30:20, “And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.”
After bearing several children for Jacob, Leah, his wife, said, “Now will my husband dwell with me.” Obviously, she and Jacob spent time under the same roof because she had children with him, but she wanted a relationship; she wanted time, love, and closeness.
We must realign our priorities:
MARRIAGE — two people who love each other and marry to spend their lives together, not to be apart.
CHILDREN — an heritage of the Lord; as arrows in the hands of a mighty man. Children are not a bother that I forsake so I can hang around with the guys talking and playing or working so much to buy nice things with which to impress my friends.
The reason we have such a terrible divorce rate is because “the home” is not a PRIORITY. Make it IMPORTANT! Make home the most important thing — not a nice car, a big house, or a fancy vacation. We were in the ministry for years before we even bought a car. I can think of three cars that were given to us from the most unusual sources. And no, those cars were not very fancy, but they worked. During that time, God built a family and church.
Do not let work rob you of your relationship to God and your family. Do not let the desire for “things” cause you to work so much that you forsake your home.
Dr. Bruce Goddard
Pastor
Faith Baptist Church
Wildomar, CA