Proverbs 15:1
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
When you are involved in tensious situations, what you say will either send that situation over the top or defuse it. Many marriages have been destroyed in tensious situations because someone didn’t use words that would defuse the situation. Churches have struggled and split because a tensious situation elevated to an explosive situation all because someone didn’t do the right things to defuse it. God shows us in Proverbs 15 how to defuse tensious situations.
First, respond to tensious situations with soft words. Instead of rising to the pressure of the situation, learn to keep your words and volume at a steady and soft tone. When I find myself in a tensious situation, I oftentimes lower my voice on purpose, not for the sake of the other person, but for my own sake to keep me under control. They may use sharp words, but you need to stay under control and speak gently. Don’t let the passion of the situation dictate a response of words; rather, speak with gentle words. You may literally have to silently count to five and then answer, but be sure you answer with soft words so that you can defuse the situation.
Second, don’t use grievous words. Responding to a tensious situation by calling names or bringing up past actions will only cause the situation to get worse. Many married couples have destroyed their marriage because of name calling. The only reason someone uses grievous words is because they want to have the last word so that they can feel like they won. Friend, you may have won that tensious situation, but you may lose in the war of keeping a good relationship. Don’t bring up past situations; instead, deal with the situation at hand in an adult manner. Name calling and arguing will only cause the situation to get worse.
Third, only speak what you know is truth without embellishing it to make you look better. Verse 2 says, “The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.” Many tensious situations can be defused if you speak the truth and nothing more. You don’t have to add your opinions to the fact. State the facts in a calm and gentle manner and let the truth do the work. If you stick with the truth and not let their grievous words get you sidetracked, then you can eventually defuse the situation. If you have to keep on going back to the truth, then do it.
Fourth, remember the LORD is hearing and watching what you say. Verse 3 says, “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.” When you keep in mind that the LORD is viewing everything you do and say, that can help you to stay under control. Most tensious situations become worse because both people are out of control. When one person is under control, it can defuse the situation. This will be greatly aided if you remember that the LORD sees and hears everything you do and say.
Everyone will have to deal with tensious situations at different times in life. These four things will help you to defuse those times and help you to keep relationships for a lifetime. Let me encourage you to stay under control in tensious situation and remember that one word will either escalate the tensions or defuse it. Be wise with what you say and how you say it so that those situations can be defused.