Job 16:5
“But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the moving of my lips should asswage your grief.”
Part of Job’s hardship was hoping that someone would understand what he was going through. He certainly had no clue as to what was going on and why, and those who came to “comfort” him certainly didn’t either. What he did say during his time of grief says a lot about what those who are hurting would like to be said to them.
The first thing Job said was that he didn’t want people to falsely accuse him. Verse 4 says, “…if your soul were in my soul’s stead, I could heap up words against you, and shake mine head at you.” One of the worst things you can do to someone who is going through a tough time is to assume that they are being punished by God. You don’t know that God is punishing someone. You can assume that you know, but that doesn’t make it true. Many people have been hurt deeply by someone telling them they just need to get right with God. It may seem obvious to you that God is judging someone, but leave that up to Him. Don’t let your tongue become a tool to destroy, but let it be a tool to comfort and build.
The second thing Job said was that he desired for someone to strengthen him with their mouth. What you say to hurting people can oftentimes hurt them more than the trial they are facing. Instead of assuming that you know why someone is facing hard times, use your energy and words to strengthen them during those hard times. There are plenty of things you can say to help strengthen someone that will help them through their tough time. You must not try to be God during someone’s hardship. Your words during someone’s grief can help someone tremendously if you use your words to strengthen them. A simple phrase like, “I’m praying for you” will go a long ways. You don’t have to elaborate anymore. If they want you to say more, then they will open up to you.
The third thing Job said was that he desired for someone to treat him as if they were the one hurting. In other words, Job was saying that he wished these men would put themselves in his shoes. One day you will be in the shoes of the hurting. What you say now to those who are hurting may be the very thing they say to you when you are hurting. Would you want what you are saying to be said to you if you were hurting? You could be training someone to help you in the future. As one preacher said, “Be good to everyone, because everyone is having a tough time.”
Friend, all around you are people who are hurting. Be careful about using your words to hurt them in a greater way. You may be right in your assumption that God is judging them, but let the Holy Spirit do His work in their heart while you try to comfort and help them through their hard time. You can either be a tool to drive people away from Christ during their time of hurt or closer to Him with words of comfort. Remember the words of Job the next time you are around someone and let them guide you into helping others during their time of grief.