by: Valerie Grande
It is a common thing for the average married person to look at the average single person and think that they are just “existing”; that they are in “limbo” waiting for their “future” to begin; that they truly cannot find or do God’s will for their life until they are married. I struggle with that concept, because to me, though I am single, I believe with all my heart that I am in God’s will and doing His will right now.
While the belief stands that while we are single we are figuratively speaking, stuck in “limbo,” it does not mean that we cannot be living for God, serving Him, and doing His will while waiting. God’s will is different for everyone. There is no one standard form written down of what God’s will is for every individual person. I am different. You are different. Therefore, we each are going to have different parts to play in God’s wonderful plan; however, while I am saying that God’s will is different for every person, let me clarify that some things are not: A close relationship with God, obeying His Word and fulfilling the commandments of His Word.
Just this past month, I had the wonderful opportunity to work at a camp in Arkansas. While there, I was able help in a number of areas ranging from playing the piano to cleaning whatever needed to be cleaned. I was there for four weeks and had an amazing time serving, making new friends, and watching young people from all over surrender their lives to Christ.
Yes, as a single lady, I may be “on stand by,” but that does not mean that I spend my days “standing by.” I’m pretty sure that when a machine or electronic device is put on stand by the power is still on. It doesn’t get turned off. It is simply waiting or “ready to act” when the time comes. An ambulance that is ”on stand by” is going to be fully equipped and prepared for when the emergency call comes.
It’s the same thing in life. Because I’m single doesn’t mean the power has been turned off – that I take a break on life or serving God. Rather, it means that I stay busy, that I make sure I am fully equipped and prepared to move as soon as God decides to start the next chapter of my life. This is not a time to do less, but a wonderful opportunity to do more!
The following are some areas in which I should not be “standing by” even though I am on “stand by.” I have tried to develop them in my own life and I would encourage you – if you have not done so – to do the same.
- Build your walk with God. Psalm 73:28, “But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.” Use these days to draw closer to God. To know Him better than you ever have before. Maybe pick a few people and study their lives according to the Bible. I recently did a study on the Mary’s in the New Testament, and I cannot tell you what a help and blessing it was to me.
- Figure out why you believe what you believe. II Timothy 2:15, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” If you haven’t done so, now is the perfect time! We aren’t in high school anymore. Saying, “Well, that’s what my parents taught me…” isn’t going to cut it anymore. Especially now that you are an adult and are now in the habit of making decisions on your own. More than likely you have a list of guidelines that you expect your future mate to abide by. Are you living by those same guidelines? Do you actually believe what you have written down? Do you even know why you believe them and have Scripture to back up your beliefs?
Throw yourself into the ministry. I have more availability and flexibility as a single lady than a married woman would have. At this point in my life, I am not being awakened every three hours by a newborn, or trying to keep up with a little toddler running around the house. I do not have to divide my time between caring for my family and working in the ministry. I can be gone most of the day and not have to worry about the things a married woman would. It is because of this availability and flexibility that I am able help in the areas that I do here at my church. Please don’t look at this time in a negative or pessimistic light. It is a wonderful opportunity! Hey, maybe this is your chance to teach that Sunday school class you’ve always wanted to teach. Maybe this is your opportunity to go on a mission’s trip or work at a camp somewhere. The possibilities are endless! You just have to be willing to see them!- Enjoy life. Proverbs 27:1, “Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.” Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” Enjoy each day for what it is – a gift from God. Laugh. Make memories. Make each day special so that you can look back on your single days with fond memories. It can be a wonderful time if you let it.
- Create memories with your family. I have been given the privilege of having extra time with my family. Not a day goes by that I do not thank God for the family He has given me. I pray I never take them or the valuable time we have together for granted. I will cherish each moment I have with them for as long as God gives them to me. I would encourage you to do the same.
- Remember someone is watching you. Many times as a single person, we forget that our decisions do affect people. We become complacent thinking that because we are not married and do not have a family of our own, that no one will be affected by the decisions we make. That is not at all true. There is always someone else watching. It may be a younger sibling, it could be a young person in your church or it could be a co-worker. Whatever the case may be, that person is watching you, seeing how you are handling your situation.
- Remember that the decisions we make now – in our single years – could come back to either haunt or help us in our married life. This thought scares me to death! I would hate for my future family to suffer due to a bad decision I make now. Choose wisely!
Nothing happens by chance. Job 15:23 says, “But he knoweth the way that I take…” God knows what He’s doing. Because I know that He knows, I’ve decided to jump right in, 110% of me, wherever I can, and be as involved as I can while God allows it.
Don’t throw away these days! Don’t “stand by” and let this one-time opportunity to be a blessing slip past you. I want to be able to look back at my single years and not think, “I wish I had!” but “I’m glad I did!” I want to be glad that even though I was “on stand by” I wasn’t “standing by.”
Valerie Grande
Pastor’s Daughter