by: Sandy Domelle
Life is full of changes and unexpected turns. Things that are unexpected can really throw us for a loop and how we choose to deal with them will either make us bitter or better.
I’m so thankful that we have the Bible that leads us through these changes and turns in life. I heard someone recently say that the Bible is an old book that really doesn’t apply to today. You would think a thought like that would come from someone who was not raised in church, but sad to say, that came from someone who grew up in a good Christian home. My Bible may be old, but the truths I get from It is new and fresh everyday. I daily learn of promises, love, wisdom and guidance for my life. God’s Word is real to me and I need it to get me through life so that I don’t become old and bitter.
I was talking with a sweet lady who had been through a lot in her lifetime. She told me that she felt she had become bitter with life and God. As we talked, she shared her story of losing a child, marriage problems and then a leader in her life dealt with things in a wrong way and caused many of her friends to quit church. She asked why God allowed His people to quit church and change so much? She’s bitter that a leader would react the way they did. She’s bitter that people are completely out of church. She’s bitter with a loss of a child and she’s bitter with life. I told her that the best thing that came out of this conversation is that she already knew she was flat out bitter. What she chose to do from that day forward would either make her life bitter or better to the end; it was for her to decide. I cannot tell her why God chooses to do all that He does, but I do know that she’s the one who will determine how God blesses her life.
This conversation led me to a few basic thoughts about bitterness that I believe will be helpful to all.
1. You will never get rid of bitterness until you acknowledge your bitterness.
Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:” You can’t put these away if you have not acknowledged that you have them. With what or with whom are you disappointed? You will never be able to go forward in life until you come face to face with your bitterness and admit that you have a problem. You can acknowledge your bitterness, or you can let it continue to destroy your life and everyone around you.
2. Bitterness only comes when you focus upon people.
The only reason a person becomes bitter is because they have placed their eyes upon man or situations. Hannah was bitter because she didn’t have a child. Job fought bitterness because he focused upon his hardships. Naomi became bitter because of all she lost in life. Simon became bitter because he saw someone else had something he desperately wanted.
Anytime someone becomes bitter it is because they took their eyes off God. When you have your eyes on a man of God, you will become bitter if he does you wrong or falls into sin. When you have your eyes on people, bitterness will step in when they wrong you. When you keep your eyes on God, you will never be disappointed. The easiest way to keep from becoming bitter is to keep your eyes on God.
3. Realize that sin caused the hurt and not God.
One of the reasons people become bitter when they have been wronged is because of the hurt it caused. Sin not only hurts the person who sinned, but it also hurts those who are associated with them. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death…” That death which comes from sin hurts everyone. When you feel the pain from sin’s death, instead of getting upset and bitter towards people, focus that energy towards fighting sin. When you fight sin, you fight what caused the hurt.
4. Look at the high cost of bitterness.
Bitterness always has a high cost. Paul said to Simon, “For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.” (Acts 8:23) Gall is a poison. When you allow bitterness in your life, you are enabling its poison to affect every area of your life. Bitterness affects every relationship. It affects your marriage relationship, parent/child relationship, friend relationship and your relationship with God. You will have trouble in all of these relationships if you allow the gall of bitterness to continue.
5. Stop retelling your story and tell God.
One of the things that contributes to continued bitterness is continually retelling the story. At some point you have to let the story go and move on. If you need to tell anyone your story again, tell God. He says, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) I understand there is a small window when you need to unload that burden, but you will never get over the hurt that led to bitterness by retelling the story. The only thing you are doing by retelling the story is reopening the wound that is trying to heal. Stop trying to get sympathy from others and move on.
6. Seek God’s grace to overcome your situation.
Jesus says, “…My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) God’s grace is the salve that heals the hurt that led to bitterness. Daily ask God to give you His grace to deal with your situation. God says that His grace is sufficient. In other words, you don’t need to do anything else to deal with bitterness than to rely on God’s grace that He has given you.
7. God will never help until you forgive.
The key that springs God into action to give you His grace is when you forgive the one who hurt you. God says, “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:” (Luke 6:37) Notice that God forgives you after you have forgiven the one who did you wrong. God’s grace is the result of forgiving the one who wronged you. When by faith you accept the sufficiency of God’s grace and forgive, then He will help you with your problem.
Everyone will at some time or another experience hurt in life. What you do with those hurts will determine whether you become bitter or better. My desire is to let the hurts make me better so I can help others. That is what Joseph did when he says, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” (Genesis 50:20) He became a better man because he chose to use his hurts to help others. If you will allow the hurts of your life to become tools to help others, then your hurts will make you a better person.