by: Sandy Domelle
This past month God blessed my parents and allowed them to find a better place to live. To me, this was an exciting blessing because it moved them around the corner from me. With this blessing came some extra work. The hard work was that we needed to help move my parents. While helping my parents, my husband and I were moving a piece of furniture and I stepped on the corner of the sidewalk sideways. I had pain shoot through my ankle, but I kept on going because we had to get the rest of the furniture into the house. I kept on going in spite of the soreness in my ankle.
The next day, I realized how much I hurt my ankle. I looked at my ankle and it was swollen and bruised. I went to stand up, and the pain shot through my ankle. It was swollen so bad that I couldn’t put on my shoe.
Suppose I had let the pain from my hurt ankle cause me to be upset with my parents? Or, if while I was helping my parents I told them when I hurt myself that I was never going to talk to them again. That seems ridiculous, but many people tend to let their hurts destroy relationships.
This reminds me of what David said in Psalm 41:9 when he says, “Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.” David laments the fact that his friend is the one who hurt him. This was someone with whom he spent much time. This was probably someone with whom he had fought many battles. This was someone with whom he had spent hours together serving the LORD. Yet, now his friend is the one who turned on him and attacked him. David was hurt while trying to help his friend. When I look at this story, I see several lessons we can learn from it.
First, if you work with someone long enough, you will be hurt. If you’re not careful, you will destroy a relationship because you take the hurts from the heat of the battle personally. You must expect hurts to come in any relationship. If you spend enough time with someone, they are going to hurt you. For instance, marriage is not going to be like Hollywood where you live happily ever after. When you spend a lot of time together, you are going to experience hurts. Likewise, a parent and child are going to be hurt at times because they spend a lot of time together. If you stay in your church for any length of time, then you need to expect that people will hurt you. You can’t expect to be together for a lengthy amount of time and not be hurt.
Second, don’t let the hurt stop you from helping others. When I hurt my ankle, I kept on helping through the hurt. When someone you love hurts you, or a fellow Christian does something that causes pain, you must not let the pain stop you from helping others. Ladies, we are good at carrying a grudge and saying we are never going to help someone in that area again. Imagine if Jesus had said, “I’m not going to help people anymore because they hurt me.” Where would we be right now? When hurts come your way, work through the hurt and keep helping others.
Third, don’t take the hurt personally. In the verse above, you can see that David took the hurt personally. In the next verse he says, “But thou, O Lord, be merciful unto me, and raise me up, that I may requite them.” David wanted to get even with his friends because of what they did to him. He felt this way because he took the hurt personally.
Suppose I had taken the hurt from my ankle personally and blamed it on my parents. Imagine if I determined to get even with them because I hurt my ankle while trying to help them. I know, you think this is foolish, but that is what we often do when someone hurts us. If you take the hurts personally, you are going to want to get even. Be careful about taking everything so personally. Give people a chance to have a bad day.
Fourth, ask God to help you with the hurt. David asked God for help, but he did so for the wrong reason. He asked God to help to him get even. When I hurt my ankle, I wrapped it so the hurt would heal. If you are going to overcome hurts from relationships, then you are going to need God’s help. Tell God how you feel, and ask Him to help you overcome the hurt.
Finally, realize that hurts can help build a relationship. If you don’t take the hurt personally and instead work through it with that person, then you will find on the other side of the hurt your relationship will be stronger. Too many married couples let the hurts destroy their marriage when they could work through them and find their relationship is stronger. Find out what caused the hurt and learn what you can do to avoid it. By doing so, you will build a stronger relationship.
If you are in a relationship for any length of time, you are going to experience hurt. Be careful that you don’t let the hurts destroy your relationships. Give people a chance to have a bad day, and when the hurt comes, work through it and allow it to build your relationship. The hurts in relationships will either destroy you and the relationship, or it will build you and the relationship. What are you going to allow your hurts to do?