by: Dr. Allen Domelle
Malachi 2:14
“Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.”
One thing that boils a man’s blood is to hear how another man physically abuses his wife. Several years ago, I was able to help a young lady who was being abused by her boyfriend. It took everything inside of me not to lose my cool against this male when I saw the bruises on her arms and eye. As my dad used to tell me, “No real man will hit his wife.” Physical spousal abuse is wrong no matter if the wife or husband do it.
However, in the verse above, God deals with another type of abuse that happens in a marriage, and it is spirit abuse. You will see no bruises or broken bones with spirit abuse. Spirit abuse is probably the most common type of abuse found in marriages. Spirit abuse is commonly committed by both spouses, and it is probably at the core of most divorces. You may get disgusted with physical abuse, but spirit abuse is probably more hurtful than physical abuse. Please don’t take me wrong, physical abuse is hurtful and will cause spirit abuse, but the broken bones and the bruises caused will heal whereas the spirit rarely heals in spirit abuse. In the next four verses, you find there are four types of spirit abuse that happen in marriages.
The first type of spirit abuse is a distant companionship. In the verse above, God reminds the priests that they are supposed to be His companion. One thing that will hurt the spirit of your spouse is when you allow someone else to be closer to you than they. Your spouse should be your best friend. Be careful that you don’t allow one of your parents or friends to be closer to you than your spouse. If you want to avoid spirit abuse, let your spouse be your best friend.
The second type of spirit abuse is ungodly acts. In verse 15, God reminded the priests that He sought a “godly seed.” Ungodly living always results in an abused spirit. Ungodliness is a result of selfishness, and selfishness always places your desires before your spouse. When you make everything about yourself, it wears on the spirit of your spouse. You must be careful to live a godly life, and a godly life will always put God first and your spouse second.
The third type of spirit abuse is deceitful activity. In verse 16, God talks about the priest covering violence. Deceit is almost always at the core of covering sin. You cannot have secrets in a happy marriage. I have always found that there is always deceitful activity going on in every marital problem. You will deeply hurt the spirit of your spouse when they discover your deception. The best way to keep from spirit abuse is to be open and honest with your spouse at all times.
Incongruent words are the fourth type of spirit abuse. In verse 17, God wanted the priests to say what they meant. Don’t be a person who speaks in code to your spouse. Always mean what you say when talking to your spouse. Your word should be something they know to be true. Don’t abuse the spirit of your spouse through lies or dishonesty.
Do you find yourself guilty of spirit abuse? The worst type of abuse is the abuse of the spirit. Be careful not to damage the spirit of your spouse, because once it is damaged it may never be healed.