2 Samuel 13:16
“And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.”
The story of Tamar is a heart wrenching story. This young lady had kept herself pure. She was the king’s daughter and no doubt could have enjoyed pleasure with any young man in her father’s kingdom, but she understood that staying pure was of more value than a few minutes of pleasure. Yet, what she tried to protect was destroyed because of her brother Amnon. The heartache that Amnon caused by forcing himself upon his sister was great. This heartache could have been averted if David had set some simple guidelines for his home. Let me give you some principles for your home that will help you to avert the family heartache that David experienced.
First, don’t trust your children. David’s first mistake was that he trusted Amnon instead of trusting what he knew was right. An older man years ago taught me before I was married to never trust my children. I know there are people who will think this is ridiculous, but everybody is a sinner at best. God says in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” When you learn to stop trusting your children, you will stop their manipulating ways.
Second, have an open door policy in your home. Tamar had no business being alone behind closed doors with her brother. This may seem extreme, but many young ladies have been hurt by their brothers because their parents allowed closed doors. The doors must be open when a brother and sister are in a room together. If you keep an open door policy in your home when brothers and sisters are together, you will avert the heartache that happens from closed doors.
Third, demand decency in the home. Just because brothers and sisters are family doesn’t give them permission to be indecent. When families break down the walls of decency in the home, they open themselves to tremendous heartache. You must always require your children to be completely dressed anytime they leave their bedroom. No exceptions!
Fourth, teach your children how to deal with indecent actions in or outside the home. Teach the girls how to kick and scream if anyone in the home tries to hurt them. Tell your children they can come to you with any problem. They will only believe this if you listen and do something about indecent actions. They need to believe you will take action if something wrong happens to them. If you don’t take action or if you don’t believe them, then they will close up and carry hurt and bitterness towards you the rest of their lives.
Fifth, control your child’s friends. Amnon had a friend he should not have had. David should have ended that friendship. There are times as a parent when you are going to have to tell your children that they cannot be friends with a certain person. This may sound ridiculous, but you are the parent who should protect your child from friends who could teach them wrong things.
These are only a few things that can help you avert heartache in the home. Seriously consider following this advice. I believe it will help you to avert heartache.