by: Sandy Domelle
When we read John 14:26, we learn that the Holy Spirit is our Comforter. What a wonderful feeling it is to know that we have the Holy Spirit so close at hand to comfort us in our time of need. Our Comforter encourages us to help us make it through the hard times. He encourages us to keep going and to keep fighting so that we don’t let life’s circumstances defeat us.
Ephesians 4:30-32 says, “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
In these verses we see that we are not to grieve the Holy Spirit. The word “grieve” means, “to discourage.” If we don’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit, then we need to pay special attention to those things listed in these verses that grieve Him. We see that bitterness; which is being snippy with our words, and wrath; which is yelling at one another, and anger; which is fighting with each other, and clamour; which is arguing with each other, and evil speaking; which is gossiping or talking bad about someone, and malice; which is trying to get even with people, grieve the Holy Spirit. If these grieve the Holy Spirit, then we know these same things will grieve and discourage those who are our encouragers.
Right now, think of those in your life who encourage you when you are down. You must be careful that you don’t discourage these people. If you do, then how are they to encourage you if you discourage them? God tells us that the way you encourage them is to be kind to them. Being kind means to serve them as if they were your employer. In other words, serve those who are your encouragers so that they can encourage you when you are down.
There are several people who you need to be careful to encourage so that they can be your encourager in times of need. Who are these people, and how should we encourage them?
Your husband
Be sure to praise his accomplishments, and let him know that you are his biggest cheerleader. Every human loves to be praised, and if you will dwell more on the positive things about your husband, you’ll see that you’re not so quick to think of his negatives.
Be sure to be thrifty with your spending. You don’t always have to spend money. Some ladies think they are being “thrifty” by hitting all the sales. Yes, you may be thrifty on a few items, but remember that the little things add up very quickly. You don’t want to nickel and dime your husband to death.
Be understanding when he has had a tough day. You may be thinking you had a rough day too, but it’s not all about you, and you should always be thinking of your husband first. Find special things to do for him throughout the day. Have his meals ready for him when he gets home. Tuck little notes in his lunch or in places where he will be. Text him, email him or even leave voice messages.
Be interested in his interests, especially if this interest is his line of work or is his areas of service in the church. If your husband is a Sunday school teacher, prepare treats for his class, visit the class with him or participate if you can in the activities they do.
Most of all, meet his physical needs. My desire is to be all that my hubby needs. If I am encouraging him, he in return cares for me and will encourage me when I need it.
Your Children
If you are going to encourage your children, then give each of your children individual time each day. It may be just a short amount of time, but they need to know you are there for them.
Be interested in the things that they do. If your son loves trains, sports, working on cars, etc., read up on these things so you will have knowledge about those things to use when conversing with him. You build relationships in your life by relating to each person. I desire to have a great relationship with my daughter, so I get interested in the things she does.
Be sure to physically touch your children each day. There’s something about touch that shows you care. By this I mean a hug, a pat on the arm, etc. every day. No matter their age, they always need to feel they are loved. You may not want to hug your teenager in front of their friends, but you can always give them a hug before they leave the house.
Talk to your children instead of yelling at them when dealing with them. You’ll get through to them quicker when you use a touch of gentleness. Be sure to listen to them when they are talking. If you give them eye contact, they know you are interested and really listening. Make them feel important to you!
Your Pastor
Your preacher is the one who will be there when you go through some of the toughest times in your life. If your loved one is in the hospital, he’s there. If you have a loved one pass away, he is there. He’s usually the first one people call when their marriage falls apart or a child goes wayward. Realizing this, we want to be sure to encourage our preacher because he is the one who preaches and encourages us more than most. Our pastor let’s us constantly know that he cares and will always be there for us when we need him. Hopefully, your pastor is the same way. There are some very simple things you can do to encourage him.
Be on time for church. There’s nothing worse than church starting and having people stagger in. If you come right from work, that is understandable. Many people lack character in the area of being on time. Be sure to get there early, and when the service starts, participate in the singing and be there mentally. Don’t let your mind wander, but act interested when he is preaching. A preacher can tell whether or not he has your attention.
Get involved, don’t just be a “pew warmer.” I want to get involved in the things around me. Every church has things that need to be done, so don’t come to just warm a pew for the preaching, but find out what you can do to be involved and help more.
Don’t be afraid to go to him for counseling. This shows him that you trust him and know he is there for you. So many times you hear people say that the preacher has enough things to deal with that they don’t want to burden him with their problems. Your preacher deserves the right to help you. He can’t read your mind unless you come to him. He doesn’t know how to help you unless you tell him what is wrong.
Write him notes of encouragement. When a sermon has hit home or helped you, be sure to slip a small note under his door to thank him for the sermon. Giving him his favorite candy bar, pie or treat from your family is always a small way of encouraging your preacher and showing him you care.
One of the biggest things you can do for your preacher is not to be known as the church gossip. Nothing will hurt your preacher more than you always gossiping about everything in the church.
Your Pastor’s wife
There are so many extra things put on the preacher’s wife, but her main job is first and foremost to be the preacher’s wife. Church members often forget that and sometimes expect far more from her than she should do. She should be one of the people you often reach out to encourage. What kinds of things can you do to encourage her?
Be sure to remember the preacher and his wife on their birthdays. That’s one of the easiest ways to show someone you care. Don’t expect her to be involved in everything, as I said above, her job is to first be a wife. She does far more than you’ll ever see or know. Don’t make her children have to live in a glass house. She’s like the rest of us, she works diligently to care for and teach her children. None of us have perfect children; so they will all do things from time to time that may be questionable. If her child is the one running through the church like a hoodlum, remember this, church is often a second home to the pastor’s children. They spend many hours at the church so they may forget at times, just like your child does about what they should or shouldn’t be doing.
Don’t judge the preacher’s wife too harshly, but put yourself in her shoes. Remember, she is human and may have a bad day here or there. If you feel she was a little short with you, or she did something you didn’t like, don’t dwell on it, but always have a forgiving spirit. We each have days we say or do things for which we could later kick ourselves.
Do special things for your preacher’s wife. They don’t have to be big things, and they don’t have to cost much, but things that show you care. If you are crafty, use your talent to make her a gift. Your hobby may be sewing, baking, making jewelry, etc., use these as ways to encourage her through your thoughtfulness. I have something that I do for my preacher’s wife that is not real expensive, but it’s something that takes my time, and I can pray for her and her needs as I use this hobby to make her things.
Realize she doesn’t have to share her personal heartaches or burdens with you. If you find out about something she hasn’t shared, don’t feel you have the right to blab that because of your position as a staff member at church. That doesn’t give you the right to share it with everyone else in the church. Decide to be an extra blessing to her at that time through notes and love. We all have some “personal” things that we choose not to share, and she is no different.
Don’t talk about your preacher’s wife behind her back; it will get back to her. Instead, write her a note telling her that you appreciate her, and every once in awhile tell her face to face how much you appreciate her.
Our goal is to encourage our encouragers. There are many others whom you can encourage who are not listed. Always be on the lookout for ways you can serve them. When you serve others you are encouraging them, even if they don’t tell you. When you encourage them, in return, in your time of need, they will be there to encourage you.