1 Timothy 3:12
“Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.”
How well children behave is often how parents are judged. Fair or unfair, this is reality. I can remember as a boy when we had missionaries come to present their ministry to our church, one of the guidelines we used to determine whether or not to support them was how their children acted. Though a person cannot control what their children do after they leave home, they are to be in control of their children while they are rearing them.
For those who think this philosophy is unfair, you must realize that God used this same guideline for deacons and pastors. God says, “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.” God made it very clear that if a man cannot rule his children or house well, then they should not hold the office of deacon. God gave this requirement so that every parent would learn to rule their children. If you are going to rule your children, then there are some simple things you can do to accomplish this.
First, be a parent who is present with your children. One of the definitions of the word “ruling” means “to stand before.” In other words, it is the parent’s responsibility to know what their children are doing. You should know who your children have as friends. You should know what they have in their bedrooms. You should make sure they are doing what you tell them to do. Ignorance is not an excuse when it comes to parenting. Every parent should know whom their children befriend and what they are doing at all times.
Second, set clear guidelines as to what you expect from your children. You cannot rule if there are no guidelines. One of the problems I see in many homes is that there are no clear guidelines for the children. They need to know when they are in public that you expect them to behave properly. They need to know what they can and cannot watch on television. They need to know how they can and cannot act towards their parents and authority. They should know what time they are to be home every night. If they don’t have clear guidelines, then they will constantly frustrate you.
Third, rule them by training them. In other words, the parent should show the child how to act. You shouldn’t tell them that they have to live one way and you live another. The best lesson a child can learn is by watching their parents do what they are supposed to do. You have no right to punish your children if you have not trained them to do something. One of the reasons a child is provoked to wrath is because they are frustrated because they don’t know what to do or how to do something. Furthermore, be consistent with what you tell them to do. Don’t let them get by with something one time and then punish them next time they do it. Ruling your children well means that you are consistent with what you train them to do.
These three thoughts are by no means the only things a parent should do, but these three things are important to ruling your children. You may not be a pastor or deacon, but you should be in such control of your children that you qualify. Being a parent is not easy, but it is very rewarding if you learn to rule your children well. The benefit of ruling your children well is a great relationship with your children that has little stress.