THE PITY PARTY SYNDROME
by: Sandy Domelle
Have you ever known someone who every time you talked to them they have the worst life ever? Maybe you know a few someones like that. There are times when you talk to people that all they can do is focus on the bad in their life. For some reason, no matter how much you point out the positive in their life, they fail to see the good and can only dwell on the bad. Their pity party is the way they choose to console themselves, and yet they don’t realize how much it pushes people away.
How about you? Do you live in a pity party world? It’s always easy to point the finger at someone else and talk about how messed up they are, but so often the best place to look first is at yourself. For some reason, Christians seem to have the thought that we are supposed to live in a world where we rarely ever have problems. We acquired the thought that we are the exception to what should go wrong in life. If you look at life through the glasses of reality, most people don’t live on the mountain top for 360 days of the year and have 5 tough days sprinkled in. Truthfully, the Christian life is lots of ups and downs. It’s all how we look at things and how we choose to handle them that makes our life what it is. I must choose to daily focus on the positive because by nature, I tend to find the bad side of things. I believe if you were honest with yourself, you could say the same thing.
If we live in the pity party syndrome, we affect those around us and we train our children and others to live in a pity party syndrome. You have to come to grips that the whole world doesn’t have you on a dart board and are intentionally throwing every bad thing at you. I know there are times when we feel that we have more on us than we can bear, but we are assured in God’s Word that He won’t give us more than we can bear. I also know that many people don’t believe Suzy Sunshine should exist. She’s always so happy-go-lucky. I’ve learned that in all areas of life there is balance. The more balanced I try to make myself the easier life becomes.
Having a pity party and focusing on no one other than yourself robs you of your joy. When you look at Jonah, he was the perfect example of someone wrapped up in self-pity. When God first told him to go to the people of Nineveh, he “…rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. (Jonah 1:3) When God finally got his attention, he reluctantly obeyed only because he didn’t want to face God’s judgment. After preaching and seeing a whole city get right with God, the next thing you see is Jonah sitting under a juniper tree having a pity party. All he could do was feel sorry for himself because the people repented of their sins and the juniper tree under which he sat died. What a sad commentary to a man of God who had the pity party syndrome.
Let me show you several things you can do to help you avoid having the pity party syndrome.
1. Take your eyes off yourself.
One of the primary reasons we have a pity party is because we are looking at ourselves. Jonah wasn’t looking at the needs of others, but he was looking at himself. He wanted everything to fit in his little make believe world that he made up in his mind. Whenever you make everything about you, it is then that you will feel that you are not being treated right. This is why you must keep your eyes on God. When you have your eyes on God, you quickly realize that life does not revolve around you.
2. Realize that someone else has it worse than you.
Someone always has it worse than you. When you start having your little pity party, you can’t see others who are hurting worse than you, people whom you could help. One of the reasons Jesus commands us to lift up our eyes and look on the fields of harvest is because we can’t see what others are going through when our eyes are placed solely upon ourselves. If you will stop having a pity party, you will find that there are plenty of people who have it worse than you, and these people need your help during their struggles. You will never help anyone as long as you are in your pity party.
3. Find the good in every situation.
God says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” In other words, God was teaching that there is something to be thankful for with everything you go through. If life were as bad as your pity party makes you think, then there would be nothing for which you could thank God. Stop your pity party for a moment and lift up your eyes. If you will do this, you will find some good in your life for which you can be thankful.
4. Spend time with those who seem to always be happy.
You are going to be like those with whom you spend time. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” You will eventually become like those with whom you are around. If you want to be a person who is happy, then you would be wise to walk with happy people. You will find that the positive spirit of happy people will begin to rub off on you if you will spend time with them.
5. Spend your time helping others.
One of the best ways to get out of a pity party is to stay busy helping others. Matthew 23:11-12 says, “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.” You will notice that when a servant humbles themselves and serves others, that they are exalted. In other words, not only do others lift them up, but their spirit is also exalted. If you will get so busy serving others, then you won’t have time to feel sorry for yourself. It is only when you stop serving others that you will be “abased” and will start having your own little pity party.
6. Ask God to be with your spirit.
If there was anyone who could have had a pity party, it should have been Philemon. A man took advantage of him and he could have easily stopped helping others and focused on how bad he had it. Instead, Philemon 1:25 says, “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.” The way to avoid that pity party was to ask for God’s grace for His spirit. You should make it your daily prayer to ask God to help your spirit to be right.
Let me encourage you to cancel your pity party. Nobody enjoys being around people who are constantly having their own pity party. Like the song says, “Count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the LORD hath done.” Instead of having a pity party, count your blessings and you will find that your spirit will become a blessing to someone else.