by: Tony Shirley
Several years ago, I was counseling with a preacher friend of mine who was going through some real struggles in his church. During the conversation, we began to joke a little about how we sometimes preach mean, no matter where we are, when we are going through things like this if we are not careful. After our conversation, I realized that this dear brother was scheduled to preach later that week to the teens at our camp, and I began to worry that this could happen in our meeting. As I thought about it, a statement came to my mind that became advice…I told him, “Preach out of brokenness instead of bitterness!!!” From this statement came a study on the difference between the two, and the Lord, surprisingly to me, directed this thought toward young people.
I have been privileged to preach and minister to young people for more than 20 years, and one of the things that I have come to realize is that the youth of this generation face a lot of heartbreak! We, as adults, sometimes minimize their problems and reactions to them as them just being “dramatic,” and often offer wonderful words of comfort (intense sarcasm intended) that sound something like, “Just wait till you grow up…then you’ll really know what problems are.” I have come to the conclusion that the problems they face right now are just as real as the ones we face. When the Lord began to deal with me about this idea of living in “bitterness or brokenness.” I started doing a little survey with the congregations of young people to whom I found myself preaching. I would have every head bowed and every eye closed, and with the help of a couple of the leaders of the church, I would ask these questions and then calculate the percentages based on the total number in the room. Remember, these are mostly church kids…children reared in church by Christian parents…and the numbers very rarely changed from town to town. I asked the following questions:
- How many have divorced parents?
- How many of you have at least one parent who either isn’t saved or doesn’t go to church and lives a pretty wicked life style?
- How many of you live with someone besides your parents for some reason – Grandparents, foster parents, aunt, uncle, etc…?
- How many have had a parent pass away?
- How many have had a spiritual leader (preacher, SS teacher, Youth pastor, bus captain, etc…) mess up OR have been in a church where there was trouble and your family had to leave and change churches?
- How many of you have had a parent/spouse lose their job and cause your family to have some really tough times financially?
It was staggering to see the statistics of these groups sometimes reach as high as 60%-70% in some cases. The more I asked the questions, the more the Lord revealed to me just how much these young hearts have had to deal with, and that if they don’t learn how to live out of brokenness instead of bitterness, it will destroy them. One Barna study says that between 70%-75% of the children who are growing up in church are leaving after they graduate from high school. I believe that what we are discussing today is one of the major factors in this exodus.
We are ALL going to experience some measure of troubles, trials, and tribulations in our lives. Jesus said in John 16:33, “…in this life ye SHALL HAVE tribulation…” In Luke 17:1, the Scriptures says, “…offences WILL come…” Even if we live for the Lord from a young age, devote ourselves completely to the Lord, and remain faithful, we will experience some tribulation and some offences. Tribulations are defined as “distresses in life.” For some young people this comes in the fashion of sickness in their own body or in the home, financial struggles in the home, unexpected death of a loved one, etc… An offence is something a little different. This is defined as being “attacked; made angry or displeased.” Offences are more personal – these troubles are the cause of some individual.” Jesus said, “…offences WILL come.” The sad truth for many young people is that these will sometimes come at the hands of: Christians, parents, friends, and sometimes even spiritual leaders. The question in their lives then becomes, “How am I supposed to respond to these?”
The answer is the statement God gave me that I mentioned above. “Live in brokenness instead of bitterness.” No one is going to act like these things aren’t painful…no one is going to act like these things aren’t stressful…no one is going to act like these things aren’t disappointing or discouraging, because they are. The question is, “Are you going to let them give you a broken heart or a bitter heart? Are you going to end up tender or hardened?” The tribulations and trials are going to come, that is a sure thing…YOUR RESPONSE IS THE VARIABLE. The offence or tribulation is NOT going to determine the affect these things have on your life…YOUR RESPONSE WILL!
In the next few lines, let me point out from the Scriptures the difference it can make in your life if you have a broken heart or a bitter heart.
1. What does the Bible says about a Broken heart?
-Psalm 34:18, “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” God will get real close to His children when He sees they have a broken heart. Some of the sweetest spiritual moments in my life have been when I had just been broken by some terrible circumstance in life.
-Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” As God draws close, He “wilt not despise” the Christian with the broken heart. In other words, He can have compassion on you when He sees you’re broken.
-Isaiah 57:15, “…I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.” Once God draws close, sees your brokenness and has compassion on you, He will then bring you in to His “high and holy place” – a special moment in His presence – where He will begin the process of “reviving” your spirit and heart.
-Luke 4:18, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted…” In this verse, the Lord Jesus is reading a prophecy about Himself, and in the passage it says that one of the reasons He has come is so that He can “…heal the brokenhearted.”
What we see is this – If we allow our tribulations and offences to create brokenness, the Lord will embrace us and empower us…He will NOT ONLY heal that broken heart, He will eventually use us in ways that others will never understand.
2. What does the Bible say about a Bitter Heart?
-Ephesians 4:31, “Let ALL bitterness…be put away from you.” It is a command of God that we put bitterness AWAY from us.
-Hebrews 12:15 warns us, “…lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled…” Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines this word “defiled” as “made dirty…polluted…corrupted.”
Bitterness is forged in unforgiveness and pride – when we cannot truly forgive the person who has offended or hurt us, or we cannot truly forgive God for something that has happened in our lives, we become bitter. Jesus said in Mark 11:25-26, “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Furthermore, bitterness is born out of a base assumption that “I deserve better than this…” As harsh as it may sound, when you are going through a great time of hurt, this is pride, and not only can God NOT get close to pride, but TWICE the Bible says, “…God resisteth the proud…”
Let me conclude by saying that brokenness brings us closer to God and bitterness pushes God away. Brokenness is a sweet smelling savor to God…Bitterness is corruption!!! Brokenness increases our power…Bitterness increases the problems! What does God see in your life today? Could you pray as David did, “Search me Oh God?” Some struggle in their Christian lives all the time and wonder why it is so difficult…it may be that God just simply can’t be very close to you because of the bitterness you have in your heart. Would you be willing to ask God to remove it? You need to start today by praying and MAKING yourself say to God that you forgive Him for whatever you thought was unfair or by MAKING yourself tell God that you forgive that person who has hurt or offended you – that parent that abandoned you, that spiritual leader that failed you, that wicked one who hurt you, etc… Ask God to help you to “Live in brokenness instead of bitterness.”
Tony Shirley, Pastor
New Manna Baptist Church
Marion, NC