Acts 15:39
“And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus;”
Contention and disagreement are not new occurrences in our day. They go all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve had a disagreement about who was to blame for their sin. To think that this generation is the only one that has contention and disagreement is absurd.
The verse above shows us that Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement that became so sharp that they decided to separate from each other. You will notice that their contention was not over doctrine, but rather it was over preference, personality and opinion. If it had been over doctrine, then there should have been no agreement, but because it was not over doctrine they settled the contention in a peaceful manner.
Contention over doctrine is something over which you should never compromise. I find there are many who demand that we should all get along when doctrine has been attacked. Let me make it clear that doctrine is never up for negotiation. We are to contend for the faith. One may ask, “What is doctrine?” Doctrine is anything that we find in the Scriptures. Doctrine is right and wrong. It has nothing to do with preference, personality and opinion. When doctrine is attacked, you should not shy away from the battle because you don’t like contention. Always stand strong for doctrine and never change your stance.
However, when it comes to contention being caused by preference, personality and opinion, that can be settled in a peaceful manner. One of the first things you should do is avoid being dogmatic about preference, personality and opinion. Remember, these are not based upon Scripture, but upon your likes and dislikes. These have nothing to do with right and wrong, but they are based upon what you would do. Always remember that you are not the authority. The only personality over whom we should fight is the person of Jesus Christ.
Moreover, try to avoid preferences, personalities and opinions that would cause contention between you and someone else. If you now someone does not like a personality that you admire, then avoid talking about them. If you know an action would cause someone to be upset because that is not how they prefer it, then avoid it. It is foolish to push someone’s red button and cause contention that could destroy a relationship.
Furthermore, allow yourself to be wrong. What I mean by this statement is that you could be wrong because the contention is over a personality, preference or opinion. Paul later acknowledged that he was wrong. Preferences and opinions are not based upon right and wrong, but how you prefer to do things. Your preferences and opinions could be wrong.
Finally, if you can’t get along because of personalities, preferences and opinions, then agree to disagree and move on. It might be that you simply have to separate from someone simply to keep the contention from causing you to act in the flesh.
Contention is a part of life. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to avoid it, you will always have to deal with it. Real life has differences of preference, opinions and favor of personalities. Don’t let these things destroy relationships and your joy in life. Yes, fight over doctrine, but don’t fight over personalities, preferences and opinions.