by: Kelli Campbell
“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed: because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Romans 5:1-5
TRIBULATION
“But we glory in tribulations also.”
The worst tribulation in our lives began on February 17, 2010. My husband, Kerby, went in for a routine knee surgery that changed our lives forever. The anesthesiologist who gave him a spinal epidural to numb him from the waist down, missed his epidural space and went all the way into his spinal column. She punctured him 6 times. We have found out since that the limit is 2. The numbing medicine was put into his spinal fluid which caused his nerves to clump together. A doctor’s negligence caused Kerby to have a life altering, incurable disease called Arachnoiditis. It causes him to have indescribable, excruciating, electrical, burning pain, all day, every day. It is horrible to have to watch the love of your life suffer every single day knowing there is nothing you can do to help, fix or change it…forever. Forever is such a long time. There is no end. That means as long as we live my husband will be in horrific pain and I will have to watch.
The Bible says, in Romans 5, that we are to glory in tribulation. I did not truly understand this until this trial came into our lives. I really hate Arachnoiditis, but I would not trade it for anything in the world. God has shown Himself trustworthy in so many, many ways. We would have never learned the things that we have learned had we not had this opportunity to suffer. I want the pain to go away today, but I want to keep the closeness, the trust and the peace I have found in my wonderful Lord.
God has a plan and purpose for every thing that He allows to come into our lives. We do not have to like it or agree with it or even understand it, but we are to make Jesus look good even when our lives and dreams are shattered. With time, we can learn to glory in tribulations.
PATIENCE
The Bible, also, says that “tribulation worketh patience.” The Strong’s Concordance says that patience is “stedfastness, constancy, endurance; a man who is not swerved from his deliberate purpose and his loyalty to faith and piety by even the greatest trials and sufferings.” The web dictionary defines patience as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” I always thought that patience was just waiting, but it is so much more.
Tribulation is hard, but having patience is harder. How do you accept a lifetime of pain? How do you not get angry or upset at a doctor who caused all of this? How do you keep your faith knowing that God allowed all of this pain and suffering to come into our lives? How do you not get upset when you have to watch your husband suffer? How can you keep going when all of your dreams are shattered into pieces?
The answer does not come easily. It is one day and one step at a time. When this first happened, we did not know what was happening. Kerby was lying on the couch, screaming in pain! I thought he was going to die. I was terrified! It took months for us to get a diagnosis, but even having a diagnosis did not change anything. In the beginning, I really had to fight my anger at the doctor. What happened should never have happened! I decided I would not waste my energy thinking about her. I had too many things that needed my attention. Giving her my thought life would not change anything. It would only hurt me. I did not want to add bitterness to my trial. I let it go and forgave her. It took some time, but now I can think about our situation with peace knowing God has a purpose for it all.
Obviously, God allowed this in our lives. It is my job to let it refine me. I could easily have gotten bitter at the doctor for causing it and at God for allowing it. None of us will get through this life without some kind of tribulation. If I get bitter, I have just taught my children that the God I serve is not trustworthy. My God is trustworthy, so I have to live in a way that shows how great my Lord really is in spite of my circumstances.
EXPERIENCE
“And patience, experience.”
Experience…we all want to have experience, but not in tribulations. My tribulation experience now reads like a resume:
I know what it is like to watch my husband suffer in pain every day.
I know what it feels like to hear the word “incurable.”
I know what it is like to have all of your dreams shattered.
I know what it is like to have no hope outside of the Lord.
I know what it is like to lose everything through no fault of our own.
I know what it is like to lose everything financially.
I know what it feels like to hear, “I am sorry there is nothing we can do.”
I understand, “spent all that she had and was nothing bettered.”
I know what it is like to live by faith.
I know what it is like to lose friends because they do not know what to say to you.
I know what it is like to feel your life and purpose are a big question mark.
I know what is like to be angry and learn to forgive.
I know what it is like to have no answers.
Just to name a few.
When others come to me or call me with their tribulation, I have a better understanding and compassion for what they are going through because I have experience; experience in tribulations. When your life and dreams have been shattered, you can understand someone else’s brokenness in a way someone who has not suffered loss cannot.
I have not experienced it all (begging God that I do not) and I absolutely do not know it all, but I do not have to. I have not done everything right either. I have had bad days. Days when all I want to do is hide and cry.
Most importantly, I know what it is like to have experienced hope.
HOPE
“And experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed: because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
I do have hope! My hope is in no other but the Lord Jesus Christ. Not only do I have hope and faith in my salvation, but I have hope and believe with all of my heart that God is going to heal my husband. I wonder sometimes if God laughs when a doctor pronounces someone to be “incurable.” I do not know how or when He is going to heal him, but I have hope that He will! I know some people, Christians included, act like I am crazy and respond in disbelief when I tell them I believe that God is going to heal Kerby. That is okay. How many people do not believe a doctor’s diagnosis of “incurable?” I have hope of God’s healing and I am not ashamed of it!
Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” I understand this verse. I have begged God to heal Kerby. For almost four years I have begged Him for healing in every way I know how. When healing does not come, it hurts and we do not understand why a loving God Who promises to answer our prayers makes us wait. I do not like the waiting, but if God answered every prayer right away we would never learn experience, patience and hope. I have learned that the waiting times should be turned into learning times. What does God want me to learn from my tribulation? I want to learn and grow in my walk with the Lord. When God does answer, it will be a tree of life…new dreams, new hopes and rejoicing in a loving God Who does hear and answer our prayers…in His time.
Tribulation is difficult and life changing. I want to keep the things I have learned and tell everyone how good God is! He will strengthen us, grow us, take care of us, take our brokenness and make us into something He can use.
Tribulation, patience, experience and hope.
Kelli Campbell
http://www.treasuredtrials.com