by: Bette Owens
Proverbs 15:13
“A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”
Proverbs 15:15
“All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.”
As a wife, mother and grandmother, I have come to realize, that to a large degree, it is the woman who sets the mood of the home. A woman has the power and ability to make the home a fun and happy place. Please understand that the man also has his part, but I am writing this article for ladies. We have a big responsibility, in that it is the woman who makes the home a place where others enjoy being. The saying “If momma isn’t happy no one is” contains a lot of truth. As a woman we have most of the control over the mood of the home. How are you doing? Is your home a fun place for everyone? Do you have to go outside your home to have fun? Do the members of your family enjoy being around others, more than their family? God has given us an awesome responsibility which will set the attitudes of our children for the rest of their lives.
We have this funny idea that being happy or having fun is achieved by having more things or more money to spend. Our minds have become warped. We need to stop letting the world and worldly Christians dictate to us what is fun and happy. A Christian needs to live by the attitudes found in the Word of God. “Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.” (Psalms 144:15) “He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.” (Proverbs 16:20) In order for us to have a happy home, we must first have a walk with God. We must make our God our Lord and trust Him. I am seeing more and more in our Christian circles women who think that their walk with God is determined by how they measure up or compare to some other Christian woman. We too often set as our pattern to follow, a famous or popular Christian lady. We confuse so-called good looks, beautiful finger nails, nice clothes, a perfect figure, makeup, and even talent and personality, with true godliness. Not that these things are wrong, but when we can’t measure up to their physical appearance, we get discouraged and think that we can not be spiritual. Comparing the physical and not the spiritual discourages women, who then take this defeated spirit into the home. Now we have a miserable home that no one wants to be in, and this causes much unhappiness.
I could write a list of all the fun things we have done as a family, but the things we do for fun do not make the home a fun and happy place. You could follow the list. You could do everything we did, but the things we did, are not what make our home a fun and happy place. When a person has a walk with God and their heart is right, then everything including our homes will be fun and happy.
We see more and more Christian ladies who are doing the things worldly Christians do; they dress, talk and act like Christian ladies, but it is all so external. In Zephaniah 3:2 it says, “She obeyed not the voice; she received not correction; she trusted not in the LORD; she drew not near to her God.” This verse just jumped out at me! It got my attention when I read all those “she’s.” This verse describes many women in four simple points. One, she obeyed not the voice. Our common sense is fleeing very fast. I believe, the Christian’s common sense ought to come from the Holy Spirit. Can you hear the Holy Spirit? This is our number one protection. If you can still hear, are you obeying or yielding to the Holy Spirit? God is real; this is not a list of do’s and don’ts. God wants to be a part of our lives, every minute of every day. Second, she received not correction. Doesn’t that sound like a woman? I don’t know about you, but I hate to be told I am wrong. You can’t tell that on the outside, but I hate it inside. I don’t want anyone to tell me when my children are wrong, or when I make a mistake. We are very protective of our homes and families and we hate to be told we are wrong in those areas. Third, she trusted not in the Lord. This is a tough one. Ouch! We seem to trust everyone and everything but God and His Word. We will run to a friend, or another family member, the television, do a Google search, call the doctor or go to the nearest Christian bookstore and look for a book. Oh, we do everything that seems right; go to church, pray, read our Bibles (the big family one on the coffee table), but do we really trust Him? Do you know Him, does He really affect you? Is He real in your life? Then lastly, she didn’t draw near to her God. When was the last time you really read your Bible and begged God to give you something? When was the last time you really prayed and got a hold of God so He could speak to you? God is real, this is not a game we are playing. This is not a uniform we wear. This is not a set of regimented actions. We love God with our words but we are far from Him. Women are really good with words. We are so sly that we even fool ourselves. I know someone else who is a “sly old fox”. He has even convinced some that their home is happy, when in fact it is not.
No wonder many Christians have a defeated spirit and a miserable home. No wonder the Christian life gets boring and dull. No wonder our children would rather be anywhere but at home. They have a Christian school teacher who makes God real in their life, and who has a close walk with God, and enjoys it. Why go home? Your children just want to know and see that God is real. If we want a fun and happy home, we need to start making God real in our lives and stop playing the Christian life. God is real, whether you want to believe it or not. Make Him real in your life; make Him your best friend. Talk to Him as much as you talk to everyone else. These four things will change your life. Jesus is real! Start making Him real in your life. We are losing our families because our children don’t believe God is real to us. They can’t see it in our lives or homes. They see rules and standards. They see do’s and don’ts, but not parents who are in love with God. When God is real in our lives, we are a happy and fun people to be around. The result is a happy and fun home. Maybe our child’s attitude is just a reflection of the attitude we have towards our God. Is God real in your life? Obey the voice of the Holy Spirit, receive correction, trust the Lord and draw near to God.
In order to have a fun and happy home, we need to be content with the way God made us. Look less at the physical and concentrate more on the spiritual. If we put God first, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and start being content with the way God made us, we will be able to wake up on topside and make every day a happy and fun time for our children, husband and everyone with whom we come in contact. Once we get our hearts in tune with God and worry only about what God thinks of us, then and only then can we begin to make our home a fun place. The most important thing you can do for your children is to love your husband and be satisfied with what God has given you. If you have a big nose, Praise the Lord! If your child is clumsy, accept that. Being clumsy and having a crooked nose is not sinful. Actually, with the right attitude, these imperfections can be laughable and useable.
A happy home is not a place without rules or healthy guidelines. Happiness itself is a choice and must be required for all the members of our family. We want to blame the rules we have for making our homes unhappy. It is not the rules that drive our children away it is the inconsistency of the parents. The parents who don’t make God real in their lives, the parents who say, “Do as I say, not as I do,” who live one way at home and another way at church are causing their children to look somewhere else for fun and happiness. The parents, who live like God is not real, will have homes that are unhappy. Why do so many young people, who are raised in Christian homes, drop out of church and go into the world as soon as they have a chance? We want to put the blame on everything and everyone except where it often belongs. We blame the devil, we blame friends, we even blame some injustice in the church but these are seldom the reason. The reason is sometimes hard to accept, but sadly, too many Christian homes are a whole lot less attractive then friends, the world and the Devil. It is really only the Christian who can have real joy and happiness. It is sad when real happiness can not be found in our homes. When our children can’t see that God is real to us, they will look for happiness and fun anywhere they can. It is time we make God real in our homes. A godly, fun and happy home will have unity.
We now can begin to make everything we do in the home fun and exciting. Fun is how we look at life; it is our attitude towards whatever we are doing. Fun is not how life affects us. In our home we have tried to look at everything we do and make it fun; things like work, cooking, cleaning, eating, as well as playing, can all be enjoyable. If we are cleaning the bathroom, we put our whole heart into it and make it fun. You can have a rotten attitude, stomp your feet, pout and make the time miserable or you can have a good attitude, go in there and conquer the dirt; sing, smile and laugh. It is all in how you set the spirit in your heart and home. If you enjoy being miserable and want your husband and children to be miserable, then just go ahead and set the spirit that way. You control this area and as a woman you need to set the spirit in the home. What kind of spirit are you setting?
There have been times in my life and in our home when I have had to catch my spirit and stop wrong thoughts and bad attitudes. I have had to tell myself, “Hey mom, you are not right here. You are wrong, you need to get happy and be content.” Counting your blessings and singing a song can improve your attitude. “Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord let the people rejoice, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord…”
It is very easy to be discontent. By looking at physical possessions and wanting more, we will take our eyes off of the Lord. This will lead to an unhappy home. We need to look at the things we have as just things. Your house should be a home, not a museum. Praise the Lord for what He has given you and don’t let discontentment rob your home of true fun and happiness. Learn to laugh at yourself and accept yourself. Learn to be content with what you have and do not have. We have to be careful as women that we don’t have a “woe is me, feeling sorry for myself” attitude. When we have that attitude God is not in control, but we are. This does not make for a fun and happy home, husband, wife or children.
Our family has never taken a vacation. We have taken our children to the zoo or to an amusement park perhaps six times in the thirty-four years that we have been married. I am not against going to these places, but spending the money and going doesn’t make you happy or mean that you will have fun. I have seen many people at the zoo or amusement park and they were very miserable. They had the money to spend on all kinds of things, but the more they spent the more they wanted, and they were so sad and miserable. All the money in the world and all the things money can buy cannot buy fun or make us happy. Real fun and happiness comes from the heart. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.” (Proverbs 23:7) Things and money do not bond people together or cause people to enjoy being around each other.
Let’s be honest, a woman can make or break a marriage, a home, a church, or any group of people. We hold the key to happy relationships in our hearts. It is up to us whether we have a fun and happy home or not. Let’s stop trying to be someone God did not make us to be. Let’s get our eyes on Him and just worry about what makes Him happy. Let‘s put a new song in our heart. Why do we always have to make life so difficult? The key to a happy and fun home is so simple; put God first. Whether we have money or not, whether we have a beautiful house or a shack, whether we have a pretty face or a not so pretty face, a perfect figure or not so perfect figure, whether we have expensive clothes or hand-me-down clothes, whether my finger nails are long and beautiful or all chewed off, whether God has blessed me with twelve children or just one, whether I graduated from Bible college or not, whether I have all my teeth or whether I lost all my teeth; none of these things determine happiness. These and other situations and conditions do not determine happiness in the home. It is in our heart and that is what makes us happy on the outside. How is your heart? Is your heart condition one that makes your home a happy and fun place or is your heart condition destroying your marriage and home? Let’s do some heart surgery, let’s clean up our hearts so we can have a happy and fun home. The result of a happy heart is a happy and fun husband and children. This will eventually reach out and make a fun and happy church. Your true self is manifested at home and is known by those who know you best.
We have a very important responsibility as women and God has given us an enormous power. We hold in our hands the key to a happy and fun home. People spend all kinds of money buying books on how to have a happy and fun home and spend money on vacations, games and entertainment only to find they still are not happy. We can change our homes if we will just be willing to love the Lord our God with all our heart. Perhaps because this seems so simple we will try everything else and go every other route and still be miserable and make our families miserable. Do you have to lose your husband or children to the fun outside the home before you are willing to do what is necessary to have a fun and happy home? A content and happy woman is doing exactly what God says will cause her husband to come to God. She is bringing honor to God by fulfilling her call as a good help meet. Honoring God gives a woman power to change her man and make her home a happy and fun place. We need to do our part to set the proper attitudes and spirit in our home.
There is nothing to describe the blessing of having a fun and happy home, a place where you can be together and laugh and have a good time no matter what you are doing or what you have or don’t have. There were times when our family did not have much food, clothing or money, but we still had the joy of the Lord in our hearts and we had a happy and fun home. When you have a fun home you can not keep others away and your children, no matter how old, will always want to come back home for a fun time. Some of the best times we have had as a family have been sitting around laughing and talking about the hard times and hard work we have experienced together as a family. I believe families should serve the Lord together in the same ministries in the church. Families want to do everything together except the most important thing, serving God. When training our children we don’t work together, we are all going separate ways; which will eventually destroy our homes. God has been so good to us. Put Him first and just love Him with all your heart, He will bless you with a fun and happy home.
I am looking forward to the day when we can have all twelve of our children, with their spouses and grandchildren (31 plus three more on the way), together for a happy and fun time of enjoying one another. God is so good! There is no greater joy than to know our children are walking in truth and are making fun and happy homes for their children.
Ladies, will you today decide to make your home a happy and fun place? Get up everyday with the right attitude and spirit, and put God first in your life. Worry only about pleasing Him; in return you will please your husband. When you catch your attitude going sour, make it right. Don’t let Satan get in there and make you so proud that you won’t humble yourself and get right. One way that the Devil destroys our homes is through the woman. If he can destroy the spirit in the home and make our homes miserable, he will. When your home is miserable and unhappy, what does the next generation have to look forward to? They sure won’t want homes like they came from. Yet, the next generation will copy the homes they were raised in. Let’s strive to make our homes happy and fun homes that God can bless for generations.
Remember, the only way we can control our spirit is by letting God have complete control. A wise woman does not let anything stir her spirit to agitation. The days that start out with God in control always go a lot smoother than the days when God is not in control. A happy and fun home is refreshing to those who live in it. True fun and happiness comes from serving Jesus. A happy, fun home is a direct result of obeying the Bible. God’s desire is for all of us to have a happy fun home.
Yes, many people are looking for fun and happiness in things like cars, boats, new homes, toys, vacation and… True happiness and fun is the fruit of living a life in the will God. Doing right brings fun and happiness, doing wrong brings counterfeit fun for a short time. Happiness and fun are a result of a Christian doing the will of God.
“Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.”Proverbs 3:13
Psalm 128 sums it all up: “Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD. The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.”
A Happy and Fun Home!
- Keep your heart in tune with God and be happy!
- Make your home a place where others can know God is real!
- Make sure you serve the Lord together as a family!
- Make your home a place where other’s spirits can be lifted!
- Make your home a place where others can see that dad and mom love each other!
- Make your home a place where you can have fun doing just about anything!
- Make your home a place where you can laugh and have a good time!
- Make your home a place where people like to be!
- Make your home a place where you can just be you!
- Keep your home neat and tidy!
Bette Owens
Pastor’s Wife
Westside Baptist Church
Pacifica, California