Judges 14:16
“And Samson’s wife wept before him, and said, Thou dost but hate me, and lovest me not: thou hast put forth a riddle unto the children of my people, and hast not told it me. And he said unto her, Behold, I have not told it my father nor my mother, and shall I tell it thee?”
Samson’s marriage with this young lady started out wrong. He knew very well that God prohibited the children of Israel from marrying a person from another nation, but he didn’t listen. It resulted in a marriage filled with manipulation. There were two people trying to get their own way, and it resulted in a broken marriage.
Manipulation was never intended to be a part of marriage. Sadly, many people use this tool to get what they want from their spouse, but they don’t understand that manipulation results in distrust and deceit. You may manipulate your way through marriage, but one day your spouse will get tired of the manipulative actions and will either stop responding to you or will walk out on you. When you look at Samson and his wife, you see several manipulative actions you need to avoid.
Adverse emotions are the first manipulative action many try. Samson’s wife cried to tug on Samson’s heart. You should never use your emotions to play on the emotions of your spouse so you can get what you want. This manipulative action will only cause your spouse to not trust your emotions. You must watch that you don’t let your emotions become deceptive through manipulative actions.
Reverse psychology is the second manipulative action many try to use. They say one thing, but they really mean something else. Samson’s wife said, “Thou dost but hate me…” This was a foolish statement that she knew wasn’t true. Stop playing mind games in your marriage. Don’t try to manipulate your spouse be saying the opposite of what you truly mean. Let your marriage be filled with honesty.
Comparative games is the third manipulative action some try to use. Samson’s wife told him that he told others, but hadn’t told her. She was trying to use what he did for others to get what she wanted. Friend, it really doesn’t matter what others do in their marriage, or what your spouse has done in the past. The present situation is always different and may demand different actions. Your marriage should not be built upon what others do, It should be built upon what God wants. Just because other married couples do something doesn’t make it right. Stop trying to manipulate your spouse by comparing your marital actions to others.
Pouting and showing displeasure is the fourth manipulative action many try to use. For seven days this woman showed displeasure to get from Samson what she wanted. This form of manipulation will only destroy a marriage relationship. This type of manipulation is used when you do what your spouse asks, but you show displeasure while doing it just to make them miserable and to show them up to others. The only one you are hurting is yourself. This manipulative action will cause your spouse to hide what they want, and will eventually force them to become deceptive in their own actions. They will do what they want, but they will do it without you knowing. If your spouse wants to do something, then you should be happy to do it with them. Childish actions of displeasure to manipulate your spouse to give you what you want will destroy the open relationship between you.
Let me encourage you not to let your marriage be filled with manipulative actions. Manipulation is deceitful, and no marriage will succeed with deceit. Be open with each other, and learn to settle your differences in a godly manner. This will result in a marriage filled with joy and trust.