by: Renee Chitty
There is nothing more exciting than seeing those two lines, or a plus sign appear on a pregnancy test and seeing that positive result. You start dreaming about what this new little life will be and what this little person will look like. You start planning as you anxiously await to meet this little one. I know for me I could hardly wait to hear that heartbeat for the first time and see that first ultrasound picture. We already had two little boys and wanted a little girl to dress up in curls and frills.
We decided to have another baby. It was finally time for the first appointment; we were going to get to hear the heartbeat today. We went to the appointment just as we had with our first two children. When the doctor tried to find the heartbeat, there wasn’t one. He thought it might be too soon, so he did an ultrasound. When the picture came on the monitor, there was no heartbeat, no movement. We were heartbroken and devastated! We were only eight weeks along.
There had been no problems with the first two pregnancies, so we didn’t understand why this had happened. About a year later we tried again. This time we were very nervous about our first appointment. It was a repeat of the previous miscarriage, there was no heartbeat, an ultrasound was performed, there was no movement for the second pregnancy in a row. We were heartbroken for a second time. We asked the doctor for answers. We were told no tests could be done until we had three miscarriages in a row. No one wants to go through that. I didn’t know if emotionally I could handle going through another miscarriage. I was ready to have my tubes tied right then and there so I wouldn’t have to go through another miscarriage. Our doctor was very wise and told us not to make any hasty decisions while in such an emotional state.
Even though you don’t understand the why – Trust God.
Both times we didn’t understand why we had experienced this. The doctor said the baby could have had a defect that could have caused the miscarriage. The only thing we could do was to turn to the Lord during this time. My mother-in-law told me I needed to find a verse and claim it. I began to read the Bible to find a verse, and God gave me one – Genesis 21:22, “And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest:” I claimed this verse. No matter what I am going through, God is with me. He is there in the good times and the bad times. We did a lot of praying, crying, and depending on God to see us through.
I don’t know why God chose to take our babies. I sought for a why. There could be many reasons. The babies could have had a birth defect that would have caused them physical pain all their lives, or He knew we wouldn’t be able to deal with it for some reason. It could be that God was teaching us that things happen in His timing and not ours. I have been able to talk to several ladies who have had miscarriages and tell them how I made it through them. That may have been the reason. I realized that we won’t know until we get to Heaven, and I realized that I just need to trust Him and His decisions for our lives. He knows what’s best for me.
Accept God’s will for your life.
Many times God’s plan for our lives is not what we have planned. He could call you to do a work for Him that you would never, ever even consider, like being a missionary in Africa, but His plan is always the best plan. I accepted that miscarriage was God’s will for us. If He didn’t give us more children, then He must know best. This isn’t an easy thing to do, but I believe that it is necessary in order to completely surrender to Him.
Realize things happen in God’s timing, not ours.
We as humans have a tendency to want to control everything in our lives. There are so many things that we may try to control, but we don’t really control. Usually we end up messing things up when we try to do this without God. I learned that He is in control, and when He is ready for things to happen in your life, it will. We have to learn to be patient and give God control of everything, no matter how big or how small.
Heaven is sweeter.
I have many loved ones who have already gone to Heaven. I will get to see them and my two little ones one day. They have already met their grandfather, great grandfather, great grandmother, and many other relatives. Knowing I will get to meet them makes Heaven sweeter to look forward to.
Take time to grieve.
No matter what the pro-abortion crowd says, life begins at conception. That little life that was miscarried is a life. If you have lost a child, take time to grieve. Don’t try to hold your emotions in. Seek godly counsel and talk to someone. If you can, find someone who has experienced a miscarriage and talk to them.
There is a rainbow for you.
God will give you a rainbow just like the rainbow that He gave Noah in Genesis. I love to see rainbows in the sky after the rain, it reminds me of God’s promise to mankind and that it is still there after thousands of years. God will give peace and comfort. Many times when we see others going through a trial, we think that there isn’t any possible way we could ever handle that trial if it came into our lives. I didn’t think there was anyway possible to make it through my first miscarriage, but God gave peace and comfort as I kept praying and reading the Bible. He was there to hold my hand, put His arm around me, and give the grace I needed during that time. Don’t give up on God! Keep trusting Him. He is always there. Sometimes He has to bring us down so we will reach up to Him. That’s all God wants from us – to reach for Him and completely trust and depend on Him for everything in our lives.
We completely turned everything over to God and told Him whatever Your will is, we will accept it. About a year later I received a surprise, we weren’t trying for a baby, but we got a positive pregnancy test. So many emotions and thoughts went through our minds. The first appointment came and we were so worried. We listened for the heartbeat, but there wasn’t one. We were sent to the same ultrasound room. I immediately began crying and saying not again. When the doctor brought the image up on the monitor, there was a little hand waving at us as if she was saying, “I’m here mom and dad, don‘t worry.” The tears of sadness turned into tears of joy. God gave us our little girl.
I know God’s will for every person is different, and we don’t always understand things that He brings into our lives, but we have to be willing to accept whatever His will is. Many times His will is not what we would choose for our lives. In our minds we have our lives planned out. We have to be willing to bend to His will and accept the things that He sends into our lives, because He always knows what is best for us. If we follow His plan, He will fill our lives with blessings that we could never imagine.
Renee Chitty
Assistant Pastor’s Wife
Open Bible Baptist Church
Waterflow, NM